I made it to 60 days today! Although I’m feeling incredibly shitty right now. I am irritable and starting to lose focus on why I even began this in the first place. I’m not necessarily craving a drink or anything, I just feel…blah. Feeling like this is a complete waste of my energy to keep track. It’s been relatively smooth sailing but I’m just feeling…honestly kind of like a loser for even having this problem that I need to be wary of. I don’t know. I almost lost my wife over my drinking, and a couple of days ago she told me that since I’ve stopped she’s felt like we’ve been “us” again and that she is starting to really trust and believe that I’ll do things I say etc. That’s good, but sometimes I feel like, what’s wrong with me that I can’t be that person PLUS a person who can handle her booze. I suppose I’ll keep plugging on, though. Better this than the alternative I suppose.
Sorry for the depressing 60 day post lol. Just heavy on my mind this morning.
Aw @kpear826 sorry you’re feeling this way. But better to share than bottle it up.
I think it’s important that we remember sobriety itself doesn’t make life better. It helps us cope better with the sht days, and in many ways prevents things getting so sht. Therefore life is better.
But we’re only human, we all want a quick happy fix now and again. I don’t have an answer for how to get past this feeling, I’m still learning too. But I do believe the way you’re feeling will pass and you’ll be glad that you didn’t take the ‘quick fix’ way out and set yourself back.
Thanks for all of yalls responses! I know (hope) this feeling will pass at some point. I feel like I always have this feeling lurking deep in my brain but for 50ish days the joys of being sober outweighed them and it seems like that’s flipped. I’m trying to focus on the positive but I’m sure you all know how hard that can be sometimes. Thanks for the suggestions @Oliverjava! I should look into some motivational/self- help videos. I need to do something different.
That’s so much for sharing this I’m hitting 60 in 2 days and feel exactly the same way. Glad I’m not alone and hoping we flip back sooner than later congrats on the big 6-0!
I had 13 months before my relapse on NY eve & the weeks after. I’ve had this same feeling people describe here, on and off over that time. Part of it I do think is the addiction talking. “Why bother, life still is messed up, you did too much damage, maybe everything is better with drinking, and you’re better - just have a bottle!”. But part of it is reality too - my problems don’t go away just because I’m sober, and in fact, they are much harder to deal with at first without a buffer of alcohol and blackouts.
The outpatient program I go to stresses that for the initial months the focus has to be on abstinence and sobriety. Not to make any major life changes unless needed. The later months, >4/5 months, depending on the person, should be focused on repairing and building your life - addressing the root causes, and the things we can control. It could be fear, anger, employment, relationships, family, etc.
Honesty, I was still somewhere between stage 1 and 2. I was sober, lost a lot of weight, health improved, better relationship with family. But there is still much to work on - financial issues, unemployment, intimacy, anger still. This is work that can take years if not longer, but none of it is possible without sobriety.
Thank you for sharing. I often think the change needs to be quicker from f’d up alcoholic to, uhhh sober, healthy…citizen? I don’t know. I do know I’m friggin impatient, and I still have such a long way to go. I think I’m still approaching all this like a student taking a class. I want to get through these steps and ace them like a boss, but that’s really not the point. I know I’m missing the big picture when I think like that.
I’m feeling a lot better! I’m on day 77 now and I’d say that feeling passed around day 70. I guess it was just a slump, “growing pains” if you will. Things are looking up! Congrats on your 60 days
congrats on the big 6-0!