Hi @Bali45 and welcome to the forum. 
Thanks for sharing your personal story. Blackouts are the worst part. Not recalling what I used to say to my family the next day, when they were all angry with me. 
If you have committed to stopping, it is the most important decision of your life. 
Start with all the support you can get - this forum, AA or other meetings, an outpatient/inpatient program, reading and videos. There is so much out there! But it has to come from within you - it will not be easy.
Here is a useful thread on getting through early recovery: