I’m 32, I’ve been an addict to many things, I’ll give up one thing and take on another. Cross addicting behaviour is my specialty, in short I could claim my addiction is dopamine. Whether it is substance abuse or compulsive behaviour if an activity doesn’t release copious amounts of dopamine I will not do it.
I’ve been using marijuana for 15+ years chronically, I constantly get told I’m intelligent, however I have never managed to do anything other than waste my life. My mind seems to be wired at this point to only respond to stimulus that will immediately offer a reward. Regular means of dopamine release are now considered to be too much effort vs reward.
If not cannabis, then alcohol, if not that, amphetamines, shopping, cross dressing, absolutely anything to get that rush.
I wish I had the drive to stick with something for a long period of time but whenever things get difficult with little instant reward I quit and relapse leaving me worse than before. I’m terrified another 15 years will pass and I will still be on my couch with no progress.
Does anyone have any advice? How do you quit abusing your reward center when a relapse can occur without actually ingesting a substance? When I’ve tried to stop abusing substances in the past the compulsive behaviour took over in full force, cost me everything positive that I had. I don’t want to repeat the past but it seems inevitable.
Am I doomed to be a prisoner of my own mind?