Going to drink again one day

Question for some of the sober veterans out there. I’m on day 113 and I know it’s always just for today, but I’m fairly convinced I’ll drink again one day. There will be a day when my mental demons are defeated and having a glass of wine is no big deal.

I feel way different now than day 1. I don’t really crave drinking anymore but I get jealous. Especially being LGBT, everything centers around alcohol and I do miss letting loose.

It offered me temporary glimpses of truly being off the cuff and carefree but with bad consequences because it was never enough. All the exercise and meditation and Rx and eating right haven’t compared.

I’m sure I know the answer but what’s the thought process? Thanks

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You think youre more powerful than alcohol. You have addiction all over you and youre just convincing yourself that you can handle it. I mean your literally gearing up to go back out… but maybe the pain just wasnt great enough for you yet. I hope you can get out of that thinking for the sake of your life and your loved ones.

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Guess so. It’s a bummer. I’m moving to Chicago soon and bars are a good way to meet people. Or rather, going out for drinks is a major social thing and admittedly fun.

I’ve read so many stories on here about long timers relapsing that I’m definitely thinking twice. So weird to think that I just have a disease and this will last forever.

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Why’d you get sober in the first place?

Not being derogatory, just asking.

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I just never got out of the college mode of drinking. Only once or twice a week but just wouldn’t stop once I got going. Nasty hangovers, money spent, missing holidays, drunk texting, driving.

It got worse after a breakup and living alone. I’d walk out and get blackout drunk.

If it weren’t for the fact I couldn’t stop, it would be fine. Some trigger flips and I get super hyper. Gotta get my hands on the next drink. Sure I’ll do a shot! … Why am I different?

Take a look at what you wrote… remember what its like when you go out man, Addiction is in your head and lying to you man… Cunning Baffling and Powerful. hope you figure it out.

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If it weren’t for the fact that you could stop, it’d be fine… sums it up.

Once we cross the line into addiction it becomes a progressive disease. I’ve had months of sobriety, months of white knuckles and in the end I picked up again because I thought I was either cured or that I could control my disease. Needless to say I could not, quickly slipped right back into the flow of daily drinking, hating life, blaming others for problems I created, comparing my life to others and feeling miserable.

If it’s a problem now, it’ll be a problem forever amd there’s only 2 cures and that’s death or sobriety.

Are you in recovery or just sober?

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I posted about this recently. I’d been drinking heavily since about age 19; I’ll be 43 soon. I’m on day 133 – by far the longest period of sobriety since I began drinking. Sometime during those 133 days my thought process switched from “I’m trying string together enough consecutive sober days to prove to myself I’m not an alcoholic”, even though I wasn’t really sure what that number was and, frankly, 7 days was a pretty damn big milestone. Now my thought process is more like “what can I do to capitalize on all this amazing energy and time and focus I have now to improve my life and grow from this?” I even went a few days and didn’t know what “day” Of my sober count it was, not drinking just was – is my new normal. Went to a fancy dinner gala last night and received drink vouchers with the price of the ticket. I gave the vouchers to my date and repeatedly told the waiters “water” without batting an eye whenever they came to the table offering white or red. Not looking at it as something I am depriving myself of dying, I just think " I don’t want to" because going back to that lifestyle would negate all rhis good energy I’ve felt and progress I’ve made in several other areas of my life. Mostly because sitting at a bar or at home drinking, sleeping off the hangover really zap your energy and take up A LOT of time. Better that I invest that time and money in myself than into making sure my bartender drives a nicer car than I do. Just my opinion though. Sorry for the rant.

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Some questions you may want to ask yourself:

Is drinking again worth gambling your life, and possibly the lives of others?

Is jealous, anxious, or binge drinking not a demon itself?

Is it carefree drinking, or careless?

What are some healthier ways you can meet new people?

Do you want to start fresh in Chicago, or do you want a new place to repeat old patterns?

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Not a rant. Very sound and sober thinking. My thinking is much the same. I am free from alcohol. I am never going back.

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I don’t claim to know what it’s like being LGBT, but I do know what it’s like to be “Irish-American” and a combat veteran. Identifying with and having an affinity with two groups that stereotypically drink alcohol, I read your comment and it sounds suspiciously like an excuse. “I am _____ . _______s drink. It’s part of the culture of ______. Therefore I cannot participate fully in being ______ without drinking. I am missing out on the fullness of being _____.”

This thinking is pure bs. I can’t count the number of times I’ve read it here on the forum. Here’s the truth. I am part of a group…people who were once slaves to alcohol, and who are now free. I can be sober and also be an Irish-American Combat veteran. Sober is who I am, now and forever.

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For me, I know that when I start to think that way (and I do!), it is a huge red flag. I know that when those thoughts creep in that I need to do something proactively and stay on the wagon. When those thoughts come to me I know that it won’t be long before I do, indeed, drink again unless I work twice as hard to maintain my sobriety. If you’re like me, don’t listen to the lies in your head. Hold your head high, thrust your shoulders back and tell yourself “not today!” You can get past it, as I have, but be diligent in listening to the warning signs that you’re hearing now.

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Thanks, I need a slap in the face sometimes. I keep trying to find a reason because I feel weak not being able to control alcohol while others can. However these 114 days have been a time for fantastic growth which I plan to continue.

All in all I really shouldn’t need or want to drink. Maybe I still need to figure out how to sit at a bar drinking water and be happy anyway.

@Clay91 that wasn’t even my last time, it took until December to finally give up. That’s the ludicrous part. Forever seems like a long time.

Just curious, why do you need to sit at a bar? It sounds best to avoid it if possible. If you absolutely must go, assuming it’s rare and you’re strong in your sobriety, I suggest finding a place with non-alcoholic drinks on the menu.

In my longer streaks of sobriety, often I found having something to hold on to was enough to calm my anxiety, and I was able to actually enjoy the flavor because I wasn’t gulping it down like I would with alcohol. That said, I usually only got them at restaurants, not bars. Soda with lime was my go to in situations with a bar, such as work or dance events. It was helpful that my primary reason for being there was based on some other activity I could focus on. It was still hard at times though.

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This is what I was thinking too.

I’m sure there has to be some LGBT groups that do not drink or use substances. I would focus on finding those people.

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Sorry for jumping in here but as I was reading this thread and I saw your question. Are you in recovery or just sober? I’m curious on what you mean by this? If you don’t mind me asking

This might help. (from a Google search of recovery vs sobriety)

The Difference Between Being Sober and Being in Recovery
• Recovery is working through the issues that caused you to drink and use drugs. Sober is just putting them down.
• Recovery is realizing that drugs and alcohol were the solution to the problem and not the problem themselves.
• Recovery is about changing our behavior. Sobriety is just about changing our drinking and using habits.
• Recovery means healing. Sobriety just means sober.

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You are giving yourself permission to drink when you make that self prophecy that you will drink again. You really need to nip that in the bud and get it changed asap so you don’t end up listening to the demon voice begging you to drink. You clearly have problems drinking or you wouldnt be here. If you pick up that first drink i can guarentee you will want more and more over the following days/weeks. You will be full of self hatred for giving in. Stop thinking of yourself as weak for not being able to control your drinking. Swap that with a postive thought such as how proud you are for getting where you are today. You’re not weak actually ARE a strong person for getting this far into sobriety. Keep it going.

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For me, one of the great reliefs is that I don’t want to drink anymore. It’s lost its appeal and hold on me. Just the smell of beer reminds me of my former bloated, remorseful and hung-over self.

Everything I used to see in alcohol at the beginning of a Friday night: the promises of great fun, unexpected romance, new connections, time of my life, blabbity blab blab blab… turned into dried vomit, would-that-I-could-forget one night stands, huge fights and exquisite moments of public humiliation. When I see a bottle of beer, I can now see the ugly end of the ride.

It sounds like you still see the golden amber.

I’m not sure how I stopped romanticizing alcohol but I did. I’ve hung out with lots of my friends in bars or at parties while they drink and I don’t. You can see when the alcohol takes over, when they stop making sense. When they have hobbled their brains past the point of functioning (as I used to do). It’s not nearly as funny or amazing when you see it from the sober side of the slope.

Alcohol is everywhere. We are bombarded with it on tv, in movies, in our social circles. It is normalized and promoted in all forms of media. As far as I’m concerned it’s a bill of goods we were all sold and we bought it hook, line and sinker, to our great detriment. We are anesthetizing ourselves and when we do that, we shut down our creativity, our thoughts and potential. I opted out.

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I’m getting there, I think. I’m absolutely a problem drinker. It was never related to stress, depression, anything - just drank to have fun but it got way out of hand. I didn’t use it to solve any problems except boredom and a hard time with social anxiety.

It seems mostly biological. The fact that I drank to ease boredom is minor comparatively. It’s the 50/50 chance I’ll drink to blackout I can’t understand. I become fearless and euphoric and never feel that way otherwise.