It is frustrating knowing the exception but for me it hasn’t worked that way. I remember the time before I was 21 wondering why people wanted to drink all the time. Then I was just in the middle of needing to drink everynight. So I wonder how I can get that way of thinking back.
Lisa
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Thanks for the encouragement louwho!
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Welcome @Lisakatherine…glad you’re here. There’s varying degrees of alcoholics but one common thread is when the disease likes to tell us that we’re really not that bad. Normal drinkers don’t question their drinking. This is a very progressive illness and we can’t get complacent. Some people don’t like to be referred as an alcoholic because it’s not a “fluffy” word that’s comfortable…but it’s my truth. I had 6 years of sobriety and relapsed because I wasn’t vigilant and got too comfortable. I let my addict brain rear it’s ugly ahead. Today, I use my experiences to be stronger and help others. I have 13 days today.
I’d like to get back to the mindset before I ever started drinking: the awe of a moment, seeing things for the first time, curiosity and wonder, trying new things without fear or fear of judgement…being child-like again.
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The one day at a time mentality really works for me! I was getting myself so depressed and angry thinking about how I’ll never drink the champagne toast at weddings or drinks on a cruise, blah blah I don’t even have plans to attend a wedding or a cruise in the near future. I have been basing all things “fun” around drinking since I started binge drinking at 15. Which the truth is I always drank to the point of not even remembering all this “fun” I was having. So instead I wake up every morning to a new fresh day and say I am not drinking today. I just focus on getting through the day. Spend my time on things that matter to me and I enjoy. Tomorrow isn’t promised so why spend so much time worrying about it. I hope this was somewhat helpful. I’m here if you need a chat or a vent. 
your sober sister Lou
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Melrm,
Thanks for messaging me because I am married to a guy who always drinks on the weekends and he acts like he doesn’t have a problem but he never leaves one beer left over.
I was going to give in and have a drink because him drinking around me is so frustrating. I think it’s hard to label yourself as an alcoholic when you are a person where everything from the outside appears so good and normal. Plenty of money, everyone dresses well, no one drinks and drives but then if you actually spend time with us at night then you see that we were two adults drinking until falling asleep.
I am glad you told me you relapsed because today seems harder than ever for some reason! All I want is one glass of wine to relax…Ugggghhh
Lisa
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Thanks Louwho, I am super glad you wrote me today! I am going to be alone for the next two weeks at home and I am really freaking out wanting a drink to relax. It never stops with one drink though and if I am depressed then there’s no telling if I end up crying or fighting until I pass out. I am trying so hard to do this one day at a time too, I know if I can just get to sleep, when I wake up will be one more time I did not drink. I have been telling myself things like I should eat an apple and go hit the gym with my headphones and release the stress. I find myself anxious at night and biting everyone’s head off. Then I read today on the internet how red wine was good for you, Ugggghhh… Really didn’t help me at all. I have not relapsed yet, but it is harder with more time without drinking than the first week. Sooo frustrating! I really want to think clearly again though and feel that feeling of not having to have something like a drink everynight, I cannot believe how much time passes since the start of all this! Hang in there one more day Louwho, drinking since any age is not healthy no matter what the other half of our brain trust to tell us.
Lisa
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I can relate so much to your story. I’m a 40 yr old veteran. I started drinking myself to sleep the year leading up to my separation. I was sure it was a temporary phase. Prior I had been a binge partier but not a daily thing. Well, that nightly routine lasted a decade all while holding down a good job and people having no clue. This year I started fantasizing about suicide. I would be driving and think I should fling myself into a pole and end it. By some miracle on Oct 29th I picked up the phone and got myself into a rehab. It’s been 78 days sober so far. I’m sure I would have descended fast and might have ended up dead. I’m so glad you are here and can all help each other. I feel so much hope now. I can’t believe I finally got off that train(wreck).
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Christina,
Thank you so much for telling me your story and it’s so similar to mine. The guys in the military use to brag to newbies and tell them how they taught me to hold my liquor and how a real seaman drinks. I never thought I would end up doing this for so long,even taking such huge breaks to be pregnant and raise the babies to just turn around and pick up where I left off. Of course it’s no bodies but mine. I am really floored that I have gotten so deap that I would not want to live anymore. This is all very hard.
Thank you for sharing with me!
Lisa
Grapes contain powerful antioxidants known as polyphenols, which may slow or prevent many types of cancer, including esophageal, lung, mouth, pharynx, endometrial, pancreatic, prostate and colon. The resveratrol found in red wine famous for heart health is a type of polyphenol found in the skins of red grapes.
See, the benefits are in the grapes themselves, so just eat grapes 
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Red wine possibly has health benefits if you have 1 or 2 glasses, but I’m my case a entire 1.5 liter is not what the doctor ordered. Stay strong willed and minded. You are doing great, you’ve made it to this point! You’re not alone, we are doing this together! Message me anytime 
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Melrm,
Good call, thank you! I made it one more night without drinking and I am so glad, thank you for the informative reminder that there are many other ways to get healthy!
Lisa
Thanks Louwho,
I was struggling so hard last night and only because I got on the Forum and talked about it I was able to make it one more day! I want to define who I am not just “making it day to day” but right now it’s all I can do"! Thank you Louwho for the support, it’s amazing and so appreciated! I cried until I fell asleep last night because I felt so stupid and weak, like I was just losing it over having no wine.
Many blessings to you!
Lisa
Thank you again, I can’t believe I am obsessing over a little wine. Where are you drawing your strength from?
Regards,
Lisa
God in nature, prayer in the shower, meditation while doing art, lots of books, other sober people, and a shit load of a sense of humor
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@Lisakatherine I did the same thing to myself for so long. I still go to work, I still function so who cares?? Yea until it got so bad that I was drinking in the morning and at work and realized im not a functioning at all anymore and I really needed to change my ways. Time sure does fly when you spend it in drunk induced coma of depression and anxiety every day. But we are in this together if you ever need anything we will fight this together every day for the rest of our lives. All my love and keep your head up.
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I have twins as well. It’s so hard
Melrm,
OMG, such a great funny motivating message.
Thank you so much! God bless you, I had a really tough night freaking out wanting to have just one glass of wine to relax. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
All the best!
Lisa
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@Lisakatherine I’m so glad you made it through that rough patch. You’re giving yourself a chance and that’s a big deal. Hugs!
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Welcome! You will do great as it is pretty clear you are a strong person. As far as nighttime cravings, I found that sleepy time tea helps calm me down.
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I have twins as well! 
Mine are 8 1/2, my daughter has special needs and is nonverbal. My son is gifted and was born with club feet. It has not been an easy journey but definitely a worthwhile one. How old are your twins @soberinkansas? I think yours must be grown or almost grown @Lisakatherine? It is always good to meet another twins parent, Definitely not like any other type of siblings-pair!!
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