Hi guys… my name is Liz and I’m an alcoholic. And a severe one at that. This is my 3rd serious attempt in a year to quit. I’m only in 1 1/2 days so far this time. I went to detox/rehab back in October and relapsed within 2 weeks after getting out and have drank every single day since then. No breaks. I get sick, shaky, even had a seizure from withdrawal , run a fever, sick in my stomsch, crippling anxiety, exhaustion … it’s horrible. I have 3 beautiful children who have no father. He was a heroin addict. They never knew him. They need me and I’m spiraling out of control. I was raised in a super religious /conservative home so I do have my faith to lean on but it doesn’t seem real to me anymore. It’s almost like my prayers hit deaf ears. Both of my parents died within the past 8 years and I have zero family support system… I’ve gone to AA but I quit because I don’t trust people and don’t want to open up. I’m hoping that this post will reach someone who can give me some words of encouragement. Pray for me ya’ll… I really want to be well again.
Hi and welcome @Liz33
Sounds like you’ve had enough and are willing to start a new life. If AA doesn’t work for you, I strongly suggest alternative groups, just so you have that support you need. Different Aspects of Recovery
HI @Liz33. Im sure most here can relate to one thing or another in your post. You most certainly have my prayers. It helped me to get educated about alcoholism, and just a bit of truth here. You have drawn away from God , yet He is still there with you. Patiently waiting with grace and love for you to turn to Him. Fully trust Him and begin healing. He loves you and has not given up on you. Where there is life there is hope…Once your body and mind start healing your spirit will soon follow. It helped me to.go just sit and listen. U don’t have to share , but I understand ur discomfort, but I truly would.rather feel uncomfortable than miserable. Truly wish the best for you .U CAN DO THIS
Get help. Be WILLING to do anything to get and stay sober. Your children need you…sober.
Hi liz33. Listen to me hun. Ur prayers NEVER fall on dead ears. GOD puts ONLY what we can handle on us. He’s there. I PROMISE!!! If you can get on line look for any time of home remedies to help u withdraw do so. Another thing I know how I feel about AA. I felt the same way. Trust me they can help. I never shared til one day I kept feeling that spiritual tug. As soon as I opened my mouth I cried like a baby. I couldn’t speak except what was supposed to be heard. I’ve met some amazing women in the rooms. Put ur self out there. Someone is waiting for you. Good luck love. Please let us know how your doing. My love and prayers to you
@Liz33
I don’t like AA either, bad experiences. But I would like to say is, if you can’t do it for yourself right now, do it for your children.
I lost my son 4 months ago, and everyday I ponder how my addictions affected me and my relationship with him, and the regrets I have on how I could have had better quality of life with him.
The day before his death he asked if he could come over and visit, me being hungover and tired I arranged to meet the next day… There was no next day…
I am an addict and what I have learned through his death is I am and was a very selfish person through addiction. Addiction is very destructive and selfish, we ignore everything that is important in front of us and it wipes out an existence of happiness that we can never get back.
I am 51 now and I look back and think what I could of had with my son without alcohol and drugs and what I did have with my son with alcohol and drugs and my heart breaks… We don’t realize what we got till we lose it.
I am living in a new hell… Of regret, but this has made me stronger to stay clean and start loving myself and life and taking ownership of ME! Shitty lesson, but I owe that to my son.
Be authentically selfish right now for you and your children… They need you and create happy memories cuz what I’ve learned through this nothing else matters… But love, everything else is superficial… Cuz in the end that’s all we got is memories…
I say to myself everyday now, what kind of memories does my 90 year old self want from here on out…
Whatever we are and done we can change our story…
In memory of my son… Love you
I was in a similar situation. I have 3 kids and I spent years saying I would quit tomorrow. My health started to deteriorate and I had to make up my mind, so I did. I’m only 8 days sober, but I’m already a happier person and a better mom. When the evening hits and I’d usually have started drinking, I walk. I get the kids and walk to the playground, we even did it in the rain the other day lol and they loved it. I get out of here and I walk, even if it’s at Walmart. It’s not only good for you, but it wears you out and helps you sleep. I also take melatonin to sleep and I take vitamins everyday. I don’t feel guilty or ashamed anymore. I feel happy, alive, and at peace. I pray you find this same place and this same feeling! You can do it!
I’d say this is the only time id recommend you should really look into the future. Fully imagine yourself living sober and content. Create your own new reality in your mind’s eye that you are obsessed with being happy, joyous, healthy, and free. You are strong and the obsession of your addiction has been removed. You’re walking with your head held high, you’re smiling, and you have a sparkle of joy in your eye. Your aura is glowing and healthy. And the best part? This is all possible.
Hi just wanted to say. I am alone in a country i wasnt born in without family or friends just me and my daughter. I tried aa na rehab you name it but nothing worked apart from me just making the choice to stop and be a mum. Im 10 years 10 month clean from heroin and benzo addiction. I stopped drinking to so i didnt swap to that. I did it alone. It can be done. I tell myself. Keep on keeping on. Hugs
Bravo Louise… That is amazing…
thankyou. when i see people use the “i have no support/family/friends i cant do it alone” line i always try to tell them about my journey. other people dont get you clean nor keep you clean, its you that does that, it really is you. you have to rely on yourself and the power of wanting it, wanting life back. having family or support o anyone is nice sure but its not the be all end all of being clean. if you really think you cant do it because you are alone then i say you are not ready. its on you… nobody else. i dont like AA NA or 12step style so i am doing this alone. and no white fists here. i hear people say that alot, people that ont do 12step white fist it, meaning they arent living just surviving, i beg to differ as i am very much living 
i tell myself everyday just to keep on keeping on as ive done a great job sofar. i dont think about drugs or drinking at all now, i just live… its amazing and we all can do it ourselves. hugs to all