I sat in a liquor store parking lot for about 20 minutes today, sobbing and wrestling with myself over whether or not to go in.
I wanted to rip the head off every single person happily exiting the store with their bottles.
2 weeks sober today, still sober right now but don’t know if I’ll make it through the night.
My husband has ignored me for the past 14 days because my blackout behavior the night before I quit was so out of control. It’s making everything worse, the loneliness is screaming at volumes I can’t handle.
Today it just didn’t feel worth it though to remain sober.
This is incredibly difficult you guys.
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Remember why your sober and why you want to be sober. The day I quit I had a similar experience with my husband except I remember how ridiculous I was. He should have walked out a million times but he hasn’t and I know that it will take time for him to forgive me for the things I have done but proving to yourself and him everyday that you want to be better, it can only go up from here. 
Hang in there!
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Stay strong @Dogboi! Remember the only way you can come close to changing the past is to create a new one! It will be easier for him to forgive you once you have some ground to stand on. I’m in the same boat. It’s been a couple of days but my husband is on edge with me. I can tell i have hurt him deeply. All I can do now is work as hard as I can to stay sober and get his faith in me back. Here for you… hugs.
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Trying to just work on me- get my head above water but it’s SO hard when the person you’re around the most is chronically upset! And for good reason. 
Ugh!
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@Dogboi I’m clinging to my 5.3 days hard right now I imagine that in the back of everything somewhere you are proud of yourself for driving away from the store without that bottle of misery you so easily could have bought. Find that it’s what I am clinging on right now as my jack ass husband has done everything in his power to make my night a living hell. Shot after shot right in front of me and then has the nerve to tell me I’m the bitch because I won’t talk to him … regardless gritting our teeth the whole way I’m sure we made it through a roughy few hours. All I wanted to do was grab his damn bottle and drink. I hope this finds you well safe and sober 
I’ll sweat this one out with you !!
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Oof…if my husband was drinking like that in front of me I’d gauge his eyes out, I’m barely keeping it cool over here as is.
Im a night owl- if you need to commiserate feel free to message me!
Good luck tonight on these rough sober seas!
Hello @Dogboi that sounds horrible what you were going through in that parking lot, I can only imagine, but it also shows how strong you can be to survive that.
Do you have other people you can go to or call in that situation?? friend, family, sponsor? The forum is great, but the more support the better. Even a help-line. I know people recommend carrying an “emergency” card with contacts, etc.
@JohnSee I think it’s time I get a phone sponsor. I’m starting to feel like I’ve exhausted the patience of my close friends with this kind of stuff…and my family is Mormon, can’t tell them anything.
Thank you for the suggestion, this was a close call and having an emergency person to speak to is wise.
Mormon family. Yikes. I go to weekly AA meeting but don’t have official sponsor yet, but a guy I know there tells me to call him any time. Also outpatient programs sometimes can refer to a 24/7 # to call. (FYI I had 13 months, but relapsed after New Years, now at 3 weeks sober again). Try to stay strong.
Addressing your emotional problems is all part of being sober. You are feeling annoyed and pissed off but drinking won’t solve anything it’s only a quick fix, you now have to deal with the issues straight on n you will feel 100 times better for doing so.
Imagine if you drank your husband would have won and could say you will never change bla bla bla.
You need to put the past incidents behind you a build up a new future with a clear head and focus.
Shit happens but it’s how you deal with it that defines you.
Try reading some self help books aswell have helped me no end. Getting all the info on how drinking offers only an illusion and is actually poison has made me wonder what the hell made me want to drink the stuff.
Believe you can and you will stay strong 
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