So I am new to this forum although I came here a few times but that was before I finally acknowledged I had a problem.
A bit of back story. Alcoholism is predominant on both my mom and my dad’s side as well as depression. I have lost one aunt and 3 uncles from alcoholism. I still have 2 uncles and 2 aunts that drink heavily. My mom and dad are now recovering alcoholics and have not drank in years but in my youth I remember it being a “normal” thing. So there is factor one. 3 years ago I went under for weight-loss surgery, it is know to be a high risk for patients to turn to alcohol and abuse it, I thought I was an exception. I starting drinking more to sleep because I just couldnt. It started as a once in a while to an everyday, from half a bottle of wine to 2 bottles. I built up such a tolerance that a 12 pack was nothing. One thing to also understand is that liquids go straight to my intestines. It’s affects are immediate.
This is why I am here. A few nights ago I drank so heavily, became so intoxicated that I was angry and belligerent to my wife. I yelled at 12am in a rampage because in my drunken stupor I lost my phone. I don’t remember much but she said I told her I hated her. When I woke up I didn’t feel just physically sick, I felt emotionally sick because I knew I did something horrible the night before even if I couldn’t remember it all. I texted my mom asking for help. I left for school an hour early and that’s where I sat in the parking lot just crying. I finally admitted out loud that I was an alcoholic and I did/said horrible things to my wife. I was in denial for so long convincing my self I was not “one of those people”. It was like a hammer breaking through glass that morning and some sense of clarity has come through. I go to my first meeting tomorrow. I’m honestly surprised I’m not dead from alcohol poisoning. I’m still embarrassed and full of guilt, but I’m just taking one day at a time.
You have made the best decision. It is not worth your life and happiness. On here you will find massive support and advice through every step of your recovery.
It’s a chance to make a fresh start and show the ones you love a whole new positive awake alive person. The worst part is over now make the changes to your life so you stay sober.
But just remember the things in your past have got you to where you are good and bad all are to be respected and not forgotten. These memories are what keep us focused and strong.
It’s your journey and you are in control which direction you take. X
Thank you for sharing! I just completed day one of being sober and I’m taking it one day at a time. I also had to admit to myself that I’m an alcoholic and it doesn’t get better but worse when I drink, regardless of how long I was sober prior to drinking again. I’m determined that this time, I’m done drinking for good. It’s a good thing you are alive and have another chance at a wonderful life with your wife. I too am grateful for the opportunity to be a wonderful mom by living sober.
I always try to justify how long I’ve been sober before relapsing too. So it’s like I don’t have a problem cause I don’t drink daily anymore but it’s just denial I guess.
Hi @Fluffy_Benson Welcome to the forum! Thank you for sharing that it must have been difficult. Many of us have terrible stories and experiences like yourself. You’ve taken the most important step, and it’s especially good that you’re starting off with a meeting right away. Get all the help and support you can from the start - it won’t be easy, and you may stumble, so be ready to keep getting up. It’s worth it - and what other choice is there?! A few useful topics…
