Hey. New here… this app helped me alot getting through my first week sober. I felt good but at the same time I feel like I’m depriving myself from my true self. After a week sober I feel like I was trying to be something I’m not. All the feelings I drink to escape are still there even with a clear mind… I am an empath and I’m a sponge when it comes to dealing with anyones emotions around me. It triggered me today. I’m a really strong person and I’ve been through alot. I feel consumed and I didn’t think I would be here right now writing this… hard times. Guilt and shame on myself.
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@Mindfulness. Sorry you had a set back. You said that it’s the things you drink to escape are still there have you looked into a program like AA or SMART? I can only speak for AA but the steps are the only thing that ever gave me a way to let go of the emotional baggage I carried that I used as my excuse to drink. But to be sober takes courage to get in recovery allows the healing to begin. I know that both programs have an online and real life meetings. It may help you to go to a meeting and hear other people share and maybe share yourself? Good luck. Take the knowledge you have and add to it and own your sobriety
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I understand the feeling of guilt and shame I have that too. But remember with time and sobriety, that goes away and is replaced with pride. All you can do is try again!
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Hey @Mindfulness. I’m sorry that you are struggling right now. I can definitely relate to the feeling of not being your true self without having alcohol in your life. But to put it bluntly - it’s just a lie that our brain tells us. You don’t need a substance to be your true self. In fact, the substance dulls your true self and allows you to bury your true self deeper and deeper.
I had been drinking to escape since I was 15. Escape my emotions, past traumas, frustrations - everything. One of the biggest challenges of sobriety is to actually face your emotions head on. But you can do it! The forum is so helpful. Thank you for posting. Keep checking in and allow others to help you on this journey. You don’t have to do it alone!
Here are some things that helped me in early recovery:
Surviving Alcohol Withdrawal/Early Sobriety Techniques
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But are our “using/selves” our “true/selves”?
My most recent ex wife, I call her Plaintiff #2 :0), told a counselor, "He does things when he drinks that he wouldn’t normally do."
The counselor responded, “Well, I should hope so.”
I drank to numb pain. To forget. To not have my brain replaying the same ideas and thoughts a thousand time in a row.
It worked, except I wasn’t me anymore. I wasn’t that genuinely good person I usually am (yes, shameless self promotion)
My pain is exactly that. My pain. It makes me, Me. I am good and bad (even to the point where all of my ink is on my right side full arm and most of my leg. There are numerous symbols of my life and story, but on right side reflects that I am good and bad.)
Your “true self” isn’t when you choose to use. You weren’t born choosing using.
Best,
Chandler
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Got to agree with @Chad_R. Staying sober just isn’t enough. We have to do the work as well if we want to be successful and commit to this new lifestyle. I don’t think I could’ve done it on my own without AA, my sponsor, this forum, my sober sisters, etc.
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During my first few attempts at sobriety (that lasted a week or two) I definitely felt like I wasn’t doing the right thing. I realized with my last relapse that no, I am not my true self by indulging/binging in drugs/alcohol- I am quite the opposite. My last relapse made me realize that the person I am when I drink/drug is not who I really am, it’s just someone I am trying to be- and that person no longer serves me. I don’t want to sound preachy, just sharing my experience…but don’t give up on being sober. Do it for the hell of it.
I’ve recently experienced a lot of emotions, drama, and silliness enter my life- I’ve got waves of emotions coming at me and challenging me. And intead of saying “F it” I’m trying to face them with a sober outlook. It’s something most of us aren’t used to so it’s really difficult at first- but keep going!
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