I’m new to this app so please bare with me! Well, I could of celebrated 60 days of sobriety today but I had to hit the reset button What a waste, and I feel horrible. This wasn’t the first time either. I drank 3 times in the last 9 days and wake up as if nothing happened. I don’t get hangovers anymore and this continued even after so much clean time… doesn’t make sense to me. I kind of wish I did so it would be easier to let go, but it’s not.
I’ve been drinking heavy for about 10 years now (quit when I was pregnant of course) but that’s the longest I’ve gone for as long as I can remember. Having close to 60 days clean was amazing to me, but I blew it. I know early in it is most common to relapse, but 3 times? So soon? I am a strong willed person and very dedicated to my goals, but something has a hold on me. I hate not having control of my alcoholism…
When my son died last year, he was only 7 years and 7 months old. I lost him to a neuromuscular disease he was born with called Spinal Muscular Atrophy (the infantile type of ALS). He went into cardiac and respiratory arrest in the middle of the night and I found him non-responsive. He was fully dependent on life support since 2 months of age, and fought hard to win many battles with amazing grace. He inspired me. He still inspires me. I want to stop drinking to honor him, Justin- my baby.
Will I be able to make it past the 60 day mark? I hope so. I need to not only for myself, but for Justin.
I hope to keep using this tool to be accountable for my actions and to learn about each other. Feel free to reach out to me anytime.
Welcome @Kellyaheim to the forum. I can’t imagine losing a child…my heart goes out to you and your Justin.
Are you working any recovery to get to the root of why you drink and learn some tools to living a better life?
I’m currently in outpatient rehab (self referral) and it is like my life-line. Alcoholism runs in my family and my other half is an alcoholic as well. We both need help, but I am the only one seeking it right now…
I’m so sorry to hear about your son! And all that you have been through as a parent due to his illness. I cannot even imagine losing a child. But I have a daughter who was born with a rare chromosomal disorder, so I can relate a little bit to being a parent who has it harder than others that have normal’ healthy children. I believe you can get sober for more than 60 days and beyond. Keep posting here - it’s a supportive group of people.
I cannot imagine losing a child as you did. It breaks my heart to even think of it. I lost my husband to cancer in 2012. I’d been a heavy drinker for years but his passing sent me into full blown alcoholism. I’ve been trying for five years to stop drinking without success. I am finishing day two of my current restart. This forum has really helped me not pick up a drink. I’m glad you’re here and thank you for sharing with us.
I can’t even imagine what you’ve been through @Kellyaheim. I’m so sorry for your loss, but I know you can get past the 60 days. You made it 60 days and no matter what’s going on in your life, it is always possible.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I think for a mother to lose a child is the hardest thing to possibly have to go through. And because of this I truly admire the fact that you are on this app and trying to help yourself get better. This takes great courage you’re showing! I wish you the best and stay sober!
HI @Kellyaheim and welcome to the forum. First, I am so sorry and sad for your tragic loss. As a parent, I can’t even imagine.
60 days is amazing, and it proves what you are capable of! Those days still count and have taught you much about yourself. I relapsed twice, but still have about 15 months sober time in total. Try to educate yourself on tools and support available via links people mentioned here, and continue on. I think it is always helpful to imagine what a lost loved one would want for you - certainly not the slow death of alcoholism. It helps me with the pain of those losses. Stay strong and keep coming back no matter what happens!
That’s one of the things I hate the most…having my sleep disrupted. Well, to be honest, the alcohol was a big disruption in and of itself. I would drink one or two bottles of wine before bed to make sure I would pass out and have “no problems” with sleep. I guess my motivation was to make sure I didn’t have to lay there with my own thoughts and feelings - actually feeling them. If I was blotto by bed, I wouldn’t have to worry about it. My doctor recommended Melatonin which is over the counter and not habit forming. Have you tried it? I take about 3mg an hour before bed. It helps. Take care!
I can totally relate 100%! Yes but it makes me really groggy. I started listening to nature sounds and drinking peppermint tea before bed and it reallllly helps!
What a waste, and I feel horrible. This wasn’t the first time either. I drank 3 times in the last 9 days and wake up as if nothing happened. I don’t get hangovers anymore and this continued even after so much clean time… doesn’t make sense to me. I kind of wish I did so it would be easier to let go, but it’s not.
