So I’ve got 80 days of sobriety today but I’m still just beginning to work the steps. It’s going to be a while before I do steps 4-9 which is where you tell all your secrets. I have one in particular that eats away at me pretty bad so I’m going to post it here. This forum is anonymous enough that I feel comfortable saying it here. Often I find that when I talk about something that bothers me it loses it’s power and doesn’t seem so big anymore.
I guess I am a closeted bisexual. I am married and try to repress the urges but they still surface daily. When I drank it was like an entire secret side of me. I had accounts on gay dating sites and swapped pics with other guys. I often watched gay porn and obsessed on all of this pretty hard. Now that I am in recovery I pray about my situation and it is easier to deal with but still there. I no longer watch the porn or chat with guys but do still find men attractive so still struggle with the situation somewhat.
I could probably go on and on about this but I guess I’m done. I just wanted to put it out there and let some people know that side of me. Maybe this can be a dump your secrets thread. I feel better anyway.
I expected something really bad 
It’s not! But of course I understand how this upsets you. I think that now you’re working on your sobriety the chances aren’t too bad that you will figure out a way how to handle this situation. And find out where you’re standing and heading , regarding your marriage, your sexuality and self-acceptance.
Anyway it’s safe to say that sobriety is definitely the right approach, linking alcohol to this side of yours certainly isn’t helpful or healthy.
Thanks for sharing!
In my early years of drinking I had multiple lesbian and multiple partner encounters. Most are very blurry if not a complete blackout. I’ve stolen alcohol and pills from family, lied to friends, family and coworkers. Driven drunk. Drank and used drugs at work when I was bartending years ago. We are not our past. The past and our mistakes do not define who we are. I still deal with guilt and shame from mistakes I made years ago and recently. Recently its the disrespect and dishonor I’ve been showing my husband with my words and actions while drinking. I know God gives us grace but forgiving ourselves is incredibly difficult!
@samthenam you’re doing great… in my early recovery when I started working the steps naturally I started thinking about all the bad things I had done, we all do. We all have a past with regrets, shames etc etc. Work the steps one step at a time and focus on the step you are on. The rest will follow one step at time, they are in that order for a reason. Praying is amazing. Literally can’t imagine my life without it now. And there’s also that cliché time is a healer. Give everything time and patience, and be kind to yourself 
@samthenam You are not alone! When I did my very first 4th step, at first I was terrified because I had some pretty wicked crap in my past, things that I drank and used over for years and the thought of telling another person was insane to me, but as I started writing it all down in the format the big book lays out for us, I realized if I wanted to stay sober and clear that stuff from inside me, i NEEDED to do it. Now I didn’t do it perfect, but I did it anyway and when my sponsor and I got together with my paperwork and did my 5th step I can honestly say I have never felt more freedom in my entire life!! The burden of those memories had left me, they no longer defined me. then of course the steps following that offered me even more forgiveness and acceptance. It is an amazing gift that the 12 steps gives us. I applaud you for opening yourself up and sharing your secret. Our secrets are what keep us sick. Just focus on doing the next right thing, listen to your heart and your sponsor and pray for peace over this situation. You got this! 