I’ve been trying to get sober since January and I keep slipping every month or so. To be honest I’m just terrified I’m going to lose the people I love over not being able to find the strength to be kind of myself. I feel like I’m constantly in a self loathing cycle that sneaks up on me and causes me to destroy any hard work I do. I’m scared to tell my sponsor because I know she’ll drop me and I’ll feel even more alone. Has anyone experienced this? I’m in therapy and have been for a long time and just want something to change for good. Sorry to sound so negative, just very disappointed in myself today.
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I’ve never had a sponsor, so I don’t know the answer to this question… is she really going to drop you if you’re honest? Relapse is part of recovery. Each time you relapsed was another opportunity to learn something. I think you need to be totally honest with your sponsor. Find a new one if you have to.
It sounds like you’re on a good path, therapy is excellent. Your therapist (and your sponsor) can work with you to figure out triggers and strategies to cope with those triggers.
Don’t give up! You have to figure out how to figure it out. It sounds like you’re trying, and want to succeed, and that’s the most important thing. Good luck, and check in here often!
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Thank you for responding! She would most likely say that I’m not truly ready to give up drinking. I agree that being honest is the best idea moving forward but I just need to find the courage to admit that I’ve let myself down again. I’m really trying and more then anything I want to be able to maintain sobriety and stop feeling this guilt and shame and hurting people I love with my actions.
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Hi @MarsArgo. I never had a sponsor, but I don’t think it makes much sense to not be 100% honest with them, even if they react negatively. Were you calling or reaching out to your sponsor before a relapse? That is one of their main responsibilities - no matter what time of day or night.
It’s ok to feel a bit disappointed and maybe even a bit guilty, but not shame. If this was cancer you were battling, would you feel shame if it got the best of you at times? No. It’s the same kind of struggle, just that “normies” have a hard time seeing it that way.
I see a number of people out here today struggling with slip/relapse. I would recommend spending some time studying relapse prevention and how to deal with cravings. Some good resources are in these posts:
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@MarsArgo If you really want to get and stay sober…
*Be fully honest with your sponsor (hide nothing)
*Call or reach out to your sponsor or this forum BEFORE you drink
*Don’t try to be a mind reader, get caught up in fear of something that hasn’t happened, get stuck in your head from the past…stay busy, help others, and get busy working the steps
*All we have is today, we are not promised tomorrow. Be as mindful in this moment as you can.
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Thank you @JohnSee. Even if I lose her as a sponsor there isn’t any good to come from being dishonest. That’s what is hard too, having ‘normies’ think that I simply don’t want to quit drinking when all I want is to get this sorted and to change my life. In saying that I’m not being honest enough with myself or reaching out. I let my cravings and fear of missing out get in the way of my hard work and in the way of everything I’ve learnt in AA. I’ll read those articles and get on with it. Wallowing won’t help anything! Thanks for the advice.
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Hi @Melrm. Great advice and definitely something to think about. Did you slip at the start? I think my constant slips are mainly down to my fear of reaching out and of change but all I know is that I don’t want to live like this and that I can see how good my life could be of I get sobriety. I’m only 23 and have so much ahead if I can be truly honest, open and willing. Thanks for the links too!!
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You only have one you. You have to be yourself, if your sponsor doesn’t respect the fact that you are trying. Why are you still together? He/she must complete you and motvaite who you really are…
May i ask what are you trying to quit?
She’s just very stern which I respect but I’m still in the stage of having zero confidence and feeling like people are constantly angry/disappointed or worried about me so knowing that if I’m truthful that I will have another person saying I should have done this or that is daunting. I’ve slipped before and told her and felt like I was getting in trouble which may be my perception based on my life experience if that makes sense. I’m trying to quit alcohol.
I feel like she really cares about you, and you care about her… How about you change your daily routine a bit? Good breakfast in the morning with her, more smiles, more energy , good conversations , more time with the kids if u have any… Plant stuff in the backyard , make it look nice… And confidence is a huge key in life… Sit alone for a few minutes and regroup with your inner self, become a wolf , feel strong because your confidence and energy effect the people around you. Easier to say than done but " don’t let yourself down " … You HAVE to be strong because if you don’t … You’ll be the sheep.
Best of luck man.
That’s a great hint!
Hi any sponsor available?