Sponsorship Advice

Was wondering what people’s opinions are on sponsorships? Also AA? I’ve never been to a meeting. I have quit drinking before with various degrees of success but always seem to be back to day 1 at some point.

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No, thanks for the reply. I think I agree with a lot you said.

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The daily reflection yesterday was from as Bill Sees It and it talked about how AA definitely isn’t the only way. The founder of AA actually got outside help the and encouraged others to do so. Unfortunately there are people there who think it’s the only way. Kinda ironic to me, considering how they think they know everything about AA, but seemed to have missed that part.

It sounds to me that it might be a good idea for OP, considering you keep relapsing. If you go a few times and don’t like it that’s fine, but you shouldn’t discount it without trying. Every person on here as a view of AA good or bad, but it would be best to form your own opinion.

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As @englishd pointed out, AA isn’t the only way to sobriety. It is just a well trodden path that has worked for countless of hopeless drunks when there was no other way.

People have come because they had to, pissed off at life, the courts, the ex, the divorce lawyer, and even God. Many of those had to’s, if they are able to open their minds, not even be willing to work an honest program, just open to listen with an open mind, many times they can identify with others in AA. If that can happen, sometimes these had to’s became I have to’s.

A frequent misconception about AA is the word sobriety. Sober doesn’t mean just not drinking. Sober means not drinking and working to understand the underlying reasons that pushed us to pickup in the first place, often referred to as resentments and character defects. AA then places the onus on you to take the actions to change and address those underlying issues. The only thing they are selling you on is yourself. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking, the rest are suggestions that many have found to work on their path to sobriety.

As to your question about sponsorship, I have an honest question to hopefully be able to provide information that is helpful to you. Many could talk for days about what sponsorship means to them without really giving you the information you seek.

What is it that you hope a sponsor can do for you?

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Thanks, yes you are right. I should try it a few times and then decide.

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As for sponsorship…I was just looking to be held accountable and someone to talk to in difficult times.

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Well that sounds like my sponsor. But they are all different. The main purpose of my sponsor is to take me through the steps.

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In my case, the rooms and those in it provide that for me.

When you become part of a AA group by simply going to meetings, not even speaking much or picking up a service commitment, a funny thing can happen. Suddenly, you begin to care about what happens to those around you and they for you… they become your chosen family of sorts. By picking up – it is no longer about just you (as if it ever was).

Having people to reach out to and furthering the accountability issue, that is also why you are supposed to get numbers of others in AA. I understand why and the practice, but I am absolutely horrible at the implementation. So others should chime in. But by working even the rudimentary aspects of he program even without a sponsor, you develop relationships with others in the program. In doing such, you rely on them for advice and understanding, and they you. Setting aside the codependency issues that come if you only had one person – what if that person cannot get to the phone when you need to chat and are free? Life happens and we need more than one tool in the chest to deal with it.

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Sponsorship will happen naturally if you get to meetings. I suggest you find a place near you that has a lot of meetings. That way you see a lot of the same folk. I went to a place like this every day at 5pm. It was comforting to see some of the same faces. I heard someone say come every day and don’t drink between meetings. That was my accountability that first week.

I didn’t share or really even talk to anyone. I was to close to tears at any given time to open my mouth. I just listened and began to feel better. It was when I started to stay for a few minutes after the meetings that I began talk to people.

They told me to look for the similarities in people’s shares and not the differences. After a handful of meetings I really liked what this one dude had to say so I grappled him for a chat after the meeting. He ended up being my sponsor.

That’s my suggestion to you. Just get to the meetings. Bring your body and your mind will follow:)

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I just gotta say that I have been to hundreds of meetings and I have never heard the phrase “it’s impossible to get sober without AA”. It could be a geographical thing. I talk to a lot of newcomers and I think that phrase would piss off the majority of them to the point of not coming back.
If someone said that to you then they really need to re evaluate how they talk to people. I mean, even if they truely believe that, and they probaly do, they should not say it to someone in that way. It’s very counterproductive

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I would say geography has a role in it. Almost everyone in my groups gets outside help and we talk about how much it helps us.

I know for a fact that in the living sober book — it encourages outside help on more than one occasion.

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FYI – interesting paper that I read previously. The overall website is very interesting as well.

A message of tolerance and celebration: The portrayal of multiple pathways of recovery in the writings of Alcoholics Anonymous co-founder Bill Wilson.

http://www.williamwhitepapers.com/pr/2010%20Bill%20Wilson%20on%20Multiple%20Pathways%20of%20Recovery.pdf

It could have been this portion of chapter 5 that was read. I can see how it can be interpreted in a certain way. I have heard people say the wording is a little funky. The first paragraph is what I’m referring too.

We have to remember that this was written in the 30s when there was literally nowhere to go. It was jails, loony bins, or death for an alcoholic. Society deemed them hopeless. Even doctors had nothing for us. Cept Dr. Bob and a few like him that pioneered AA.

Anyhow, here’s that portion of chapter 5 that I can see how it can be misinterpreted as saying “impossible” or “our way or the highway”. Even tho I know it doesn’t :wink:

Better pic

Well getting outside help pretty much shows that we don’t think AA is the only way. Definitely the largest tool in my tool box, but not the only one. From the meetings I’ve been to (a lot) most people feel the same way. Whatever it takes to stay sober is good in my book.

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Yeah, it definitely doesn’t say that AA is the only way. It’s talking about those who try to work AA without getting honest as the ones who fail. AA has no opinion on outside issues, including other types of recovery. Everyone knows that I do all sorts of different recovery related things and they are nothing but supportive. I’m glad I live in an area where people understand the benefits of having multiple paths to recovery.

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I see where you can get that from the reading bc it’s worded pretty poorly. What Bill W is trying to say is that if you decide to use AA, it only works if you get honest.

As for people in the group’s saying that, well they’re idiots and clearly don’t know AA as well as they think because the founder didn’t think it was the only way. It was just the only way that worked for him.

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Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.

Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps.

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