I have been visiting this forum from time to time over the last few months as I’ve become increasingly concerned and unhappy with my drinking. Tonight its finally time for me to admit the problem and make a commitment here to stop.
I just woke up half an hour ago (10.30pm), befuddled and in my bed alone. Awful flashbacks… friends over for lunch, expensive platter clumsily broken during the clean up, pathetic sobbing by me, kind and concerned face of my 10 year old son as he helped me clean up, worried expression of my husband when he informed me it was only 6.30pm in response to my suggestion to kids that they get their pjs on, no recollection of saying goodnight to 12 year old daughter. Husband asleep on couch.
So very very ashamed. This has gotten out of control and I simply have to stop.
Hey there. It sounds like you are ready to make some real changes. It can be hard to commit to change but try to just focus on staying sober one day at a time. And before you know it the days will be racking up! I don’t know if you have seen this or not (as you said you have been on the forum for a few months) but here are some things that really helped me in early recovery. You can do this!
So glad you are here, and glad to be restarting my sobriety clock. I relate on several levels. Memory loss/blackouts, especially. I have a 10 yr old daughter. I always think i am maintaining juuuust fine in front of her, but she knows. I was really successful last week. I only drank 3 beers betw sunday and tuesday. But i drank saturday and sunday. I have opened up to her and told her my goals about ot drinking. I also quit smoking and told her that too. I always hid that from her. Talking to her openly helps immensely. I want her to know i care about ME, as well as her. Have you considered sitting down with your children/family to tell them how you feel, what your plans are, and ask for support? The day my daughter told me she was proud of ME for not smoking was freaking incredible.
Glad you’re here and decided you can’t keep living like that! Your story is all too familiar to me. The loss of time, the memory gaps, getting emotional over little things, etc. It’s pretty much the scariest thing, waking up and not knowing what you said, who you offended, checking text messages and social media to make sure you didn’t contact someone and make an ass out of yourself. Keep posting, sobriety is so much less worrisome.
