Totally unexpected

Wow…i honestly thought i would be happier today, more accomplished…
Felt good this morning then had this overwhelming wave of depression wash over me. I feel like I’m lying to myself and others at times because i act as if this struggle doesn’t bother me, like i have it all under control. But the truth is i just wanna Crack at the seams! Sometimes i just can’t help but think that I’m not really happy in my sobriety, i know i wasnt happy being a drunk either but this fight every day to maintain a certain level of sanity from going crazy makes me crazier then just going…
Crazy.
I thought I’d have more strength today, i miss be able to get depressed and blame it on getting drunk…now i get depressed because I’m not drunk…feels kind of pathetic.
Maybe I’m just angry at myself for ruining my privilege to drink, sometimes it feels that way…had i not done this or had i not done that I’d still be allowed to partake instead of fighting this fight that sometimes just seems unwinnable…
I don’t know…just had to vent i guess.
Totally unexpected.

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Hey man! I know you like animals and I’m sure you know this. But they have a keen sense and can tell when something is a miss. They are therapy. Hang in there. This to shall pass.

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It’s ok to have those feeling @Rikk & I totally get it… I can be on a natural high and chirpy chirpy all day then fall into a massive funk by late afternoon… or vice versa… just one day at a time… because one day you will laugh in the face of ‘grumpy rikk’ because you’ve got this in the bag!! :smiley:

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@Rikk - I’m sure you’ve heard the saying:

  • The good thing about sobriety is that you get your feelings back. The bad thing about sobriety is that you get your feelings back

For folks (like us) who have used alcohol or other substances to alter the way we feel and essentially numb ourselves to real life, it’s gonna be one hell of a rollercoaster ride once our feelings start hitting home - whether good or bad.

Hang on in there buddy… it’s all part of the self-awareness and dealing with our previously unmanageable lives!

:pray: :pray:

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Well said @Andy_15052012 !

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Still fighting the negativity, the resentful feelings, my anger towards being sober or anything that has to do with sobriety.
One side of me wants to be sober and continue to fight strong and the other…well, let’s just say the other side doesn’t want to play nice with others :neutral_face:

I hear ya. Going through simular feelings. Try turning on a good stand up show on Netflix. I just watched Jim Gaffigan, baby last night…and laughed till I cried. Sometimes it’s the little things that help me get through. Movie, long walk, etc…good luck man hope you get through it today.

@DrunkenMaster
Yeah i binge like crazy between netflix and hulu,definitley a good time killer.
Went back to playing an old pc game…nothing some good old blood and violence can’t fix heh

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It’s so hard everyday fighting. It’s not fair but it will make you stronger and your willpower epic.
I went through this last night and almost cracked. Work out a way to be happy.

@Sin15
This isn’t my first rodeo lol
Put in four long years, i know this fight all to well.
Just hate having to do it…too be honest i didn’t want to get sober this time, i was kinda forced because of my actions, i think that’s why I’m having such a hard time with it this go around.
Kinda like a kid being told they can’t do something or have something…I’m pouting. :angry:

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