@Ashauna what are you doing for your sobriety besides trying to abstain on your own? You are NOT a weak coward. You have a cunning and baffling disease. If you want to get mad, get mad at alcohol and what it’s done. Don’t punish yourself. If it was a willpower issue, we all would of done it but it’s time you get help and not do it alone.
Start reading… it will help explain some things