I just don’t understand how I go from one high to the lowest low and nothing has changed except perhaps my motivation or will power. Why am I such a coward to this damn substance. I can’t keep blaming it on my husband because he has been kind enough not to drink outwardly in front of me. The only thing I can say is I know it is in the house. I feel weak and incredible useless against this and there is nothing I can do to stop! I feel strong one min and then it’s gone the next. I am a weak coward who is not strong enough to even take the steps needed to make it past 2 weeks I hate this I hate me. I hate that it is here and I hate that I am too weak to say no!!
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@Ashauna what are you doing for your sobriety besides trying to abstain on your own? You are NOT a weak coward. You have a cunning and baffling disease. If you want to get mad, get mad at alcohol and what it’s done. Don’t punish yourself. If it was a willpower issue, we all would of done it but it’s time you get help and not do it alone.
Start reading… it will help explain some things
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Quoi really shouldn’t have it in the house. Your setting yourself up for failure by trying to quit with alcohol so easily available.
When you fail, you feel shame and guilt and like crap about yourself and that’s the perfect excuse to drink.
Don’t sabotage yourself. Get rid of the alcohol in the house. It’s already challenging enough without that going on.
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It’s not in the house by my choice husband and I had a big fuss about it being here and him drinking right in front of me… meaning like pouring it in front of me. So he closed it behind a cabinet door which I knew where it was still he did not pour in front of me but it was still right above the refrigerator. Of course he could tell I drank tonight always the one to point it out to me like he is going to be my saving fucking grace!!! Ugh 
if I hear it one more time. Am I a bitch yep 
have to stop blaming him one day !!! I have no plan outside of just not drinking. Pisses me off I snorted cocaine for 2.5 years straight and walked away from it in one day when I hit rock bottom. Do I really have to be homeless, jobless, spiritless, lifeless, and left with nothing before I am able to set this down too. I feel like a coward and certainly no one who should speak up to others who are in the same boat. A spectator with no words, no advice, no positive thoughts , and certainly no use here. It just makes me so mad. I coach my children every day who live their lives with a chronic illness on how to react or behave to situations and I can’t live my life in any way close to what I try and teach the. Who am I to even exist any more they are better off without my influence. I think perhaps meetings or a group I don’t know how to fit in in but I guess if I can drink to get drunk I can fit something in somewhere in that waisted time.
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I 100% have to agree with @Melrm. Going at this alone is never ideal and you need a support group!!! In the meantime, can your hubby lock it up?
I also want to add that having a sponsor check in on me, and someone I can contact if needed has really helped. Just another person to keep me accountable.
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I feel the exact same way… its been 35 days and im still feeling like a loser… y must i feel this way… i had it all and in threw it away… i don’t know how to get me out of this negative time in my life
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@Ashauna please take time to print/read through this plan. It’s fairly long a lot of “homework”, but try just reading it through fully before making any lists/sheets. I only just started making them. But you have to see that sobriety is not about being weak or strong, I think it’s about adjusting daily patterns and thoughts, and slowly making the life changes that we need. You’re right that you need more of a “plan”, and this forum is amazing, but try to add in any more support that you possibly can get - meetings, an outpatient program, reading/research, etc. And as a parent also - we are requited to be somewhat of a hypocrite - telling our children to do better than we do. It goes with the territory! Hope you can gather yourself and move ahead.
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I have to def add more to my tool belt for sure I think I believed I would be able to do this as I have so many other things in my life with ease, that is really not the case at all. I am going to start readying from the links provided here and see if that will motivate me farther to work harder.
Thank you
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So on my way home from work i walked passed the off license for the first time in god knows how long. My mind was telling me to go in as its only day three and you can always start again. But this time i didn’t listen 
yay me
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@Des glad you got passed that. Fascinating how the addicted mind works! I find it useful to think of the addict in me as “it” and recognize when “it” wants me to fail using twisted logic like that!
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@Ashauna I find myself wanti g to reach out to you. But at. The same time I know until you are ready there’s nothing that can be done to help you. I came across this link that might help you understand you and your family are in need of a change before it’s to sad…
http://m.huffpost.com/uk/entry/6542984
I hope it helps you understand…
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