You SHOULD feel proud.Ive cried over not drinking at a wedding but it was ME who made that choice.It can be frusterating and a challenge and sometimes people will make you question wether you have a problem or wether you are any fun sober, dont fall for it. Being sober is hard during the tough times but we dont have to wake up with regrets or not knowing what happened then next morning. Its a little awkward getting comfortable in your sober skin but it doesnt mean you are boring, just getting used to yourself.
You are not a bitch for talking about how you feel thats ludacris. Just be mindful of the way you say thing.I dont agree with there ever being one person winning and the other person losing thats so wrong and not okay, maybe try to focus on how the two of you can come to a mutual agreement, its normal to fight but you have to fight clean and fair.
Also, you cant reason with a drunk person so try to save the talks for when hes sober.
@Restlesssoul thanks for support and advice thankfully I have made it through today as well. Several times of attempted talking and he would turn it around on me I just calmly said we can talk when u are ready to take some ownership in how u acted last night and all day today. He pouted all day in bed and then tried saying I was just giving you time and waiting to see if you would come to me !!! Haha Iām no buddy I stayed busy with the kids and studying I have a massive Biology exam Monday and let him pout. I did not tell one time even when he was cussing at me last night. Definately being sober I am more in control of my emotions and I feel confident in my viewpoint on situations. As a drunk I never remembered anything so who the heck knew what I did I always was apologizing. Thank you everyone for helping me through a really rough night last night.
@Ashauna Congrats for standing your ground! I can relate to always apologizing when I was drinking only to realize my parter has a serious addiction of his own that was easy to hide behind mine.
When I got sober, there was no where for him to hide and for a while he clearly wanted me to relaps so he wouldnāt be alone in his active addiction. Eventually when he realized I would rather leave than tolerate his lack of support OR his not getting sober as wellā¦he started working hard at making the changes.
You may have been an itch when you were drinking but he doesnāt exactly sound like a pony ride either if you know what I mean. Lol
I read you initial post not long after you wrote it and I found it really upsetting. I decided not to reply because I couldnāt think of anything constructive to say and I knew you were vulnerable st the time.
What he is doing is wrong. Itās disrespectful and clearly an attempt to keep you stuck so that he doesnāt have to make any changes of his own. Itās sounds like heās so use to using you successfully as an excuse, that even now that your on track, heās still trying.
Curious as to what observations you will be able to make about your self him and your relationship as you continue your sobriety. I think what you are doing as hard as it may be, is not just best for you and your kids, but also for him.
Also, remember that he si drinking and drinking a lot. You canāt reason with someone who is intoxicated. So if heās drinking, about to drink or hungover, donāt engage with him. Let him know your available to talk and listen all he wants and needs when he is sober but that you have better things to do with your time that go round in unreasonable circles when heās consumed by or preoccupied with drinking.
He has a drinking problem, and weather he means to or not, he has been manipulating you. Donāt enable him. You are doing great
Precisely what my counselor said this week. He had been able to do it for so long because I was such a screw off with my drinking. He found ease in using me to hide behind and now he is pissed that he wonāt be able to do that. Lord if u could have only heard his throw his little fits last night, I maintained my composure despite my anger inside and did just as I said he laid in bed ALL day as usual on The weekend and I was out and about with the kids. Not to rub it in but my little girl even told him when he acted as though he were going to go shopping with us that she preferred him to stay home and it just be a girl day. Proud moment for my choice to do the right thing and not drink. I didnāt ignore him if I walked into the room I would say something casual about what we had done or something the kids said and did what I needed to in there and then carried on with my day. Kids and I are now watching movies and he is still in the bed.
I love him so much but I want us to grow and despite my years of bad choices I am working towards a positive change I just want him to see in his own time that he isnāt that far off from where I was he just doesnāt always get mean and black out the rest of it all is right there.
You canāt change him but if he loves you, he will follow your lead. The fact that your daughter noticed his bad behaviour is huge. This stuff is affecting her and sheād rather be around a sober parent.
The chances of him changed are good, but only if you refuse to let him drag you down. If your ready to chose your kids over drinking and him, I think heāll get it together.
Once again, congrats! Keep us posted and let me know if you need to chatā¦Iām usually up all night and still struggle with my bfās man childishness. Itās a work in progress
Thanks I sure will stay in touch this app has really helped me out. I appreciate all the positive feedback and some constructive as well. Another successful day for all of us I sure hope for