You as well. Im sure there are plenty of members with similar backgrounds. Maybe try going to a meeting at your local VA.
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Iām temporarily sponsoring 3 sisters until they find a sponsor. Iāve put together a reading outline, some articles, and worksheet links. If youāre interested, private message me your email address and Iāll send it to you. Iāll start at step 1.
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Hi all, Iāve had a tough day, work is busy and was supposed to see my other half on Friday and was looking forward to it, but now something has come up so rather than spending the weekend together Iāll see them for a bit on Sunday and feeling a bit abandoned by it.
Iāve been trying to let go of the resentments and feeling calm enough but itās annoying me still as their ex is getting in the way of things. Iām not jealous as such as I trust there is nothing going on, just more that I know the ex is manipulative and am suspecting they have conjured the situation up knowing we havenāt seen each other for 3 weeks and this is their ego at work trying to exercise control.
Iāll live and get over it, but feel resentment at both the ex and my partner as I feel he should be stronger, I also feel he knew about this but put off telling me and let me make/suggest plans for the weekend but thatās my āfancifulā thoughts at work as I donāt know that for sure.
Normally Iād have drank by now, thankfully Iām focused on sobriety, canāt really call on my sponsor just now as he has a family bereavement which stopped us from working through step 4. Just wondering how you guys have learned to let go of these resentments? I keep telling myself, itās just a couple of days let it go, but itās still pestering me a little.
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@Daithi
I was able to let go of resentments once I worked the steps. And started learning the book. I know you said you stopped working with your sponsor at step four but thatās a step I learned to not take slowly and get it done and on to step 5 6 and 7. Inc to took them I was released of other people control my thoughts.
I have listed all my resentments and we were supposed to work through it yesterday but just as we started he got a call about a family member passing, his dad is in AA too and he was worried about him relapsing so I had no issues with him going obviously, we just didnāt get a chance to go through them and discuss how to let them go, this situation was on my list too, the ex is always hovering in the background and I need to find a way to deal with it.
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Im sorry to hear that. I had a long list of resentments towards my ex/mother of my daughter. But I also had to look at what Iāve done that hurt her. Once I was able to find my problem in the situations I was able to let go of resentments towards her. It took some time though.
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i donāt think you there is anything wrong with asking another person to sponsor you and starting back from the beginning with them. iām currently working with a new guy who offered to be my temporary sponsor after hearing me talk about some i concerns i was having with my current sponsor. this new guy been sober almost as long as iāve been alive so itās going well and i donāt really see a reason to switch to someone else. he and i started back from step one when i began working with him, i found it to be great. he has a different way of sponsoring (as iām sure everyone does) and he got me writing and processing some things differently than my first sponsor. great experience.
i guess iād just encourage you to go ahead and ask someone new, and go back and redo the steps. canāt hurt right? and since everyone is a bit different maybe youāll enjoy the way the new person works the steps with you.
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i am looking forward to getting through my resentments and going on to steps 5/6/7ā¦ lots of people i see regularly talk about the significance of getting past step four and moving on, as well as the significance of doing so like erik mentioned. iām looking forward to such, though since starting to work with a new temporary sponsor i am back to step 1 instead of working on 4. but, iām not all that bummed, i really enjoy working with the new sponsor and things are going well.
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I agree with you 100 % we are never to old to learn something new 
. And will learn something new everyone you read those steps!
The thing about the steps is that you donāt just do them once and are done. Sometimes youāll go back and redo a step to keep it fresh and uncover something new as you progress in your recovery. How you perceive things now will change and grow. Iām currently studying step one again. Itās a journey.
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Sometimes you do them not knowing your doing themā¦Step work that is.
i too recently had a great meeting at a table discussing acceptance. it started w a fantastic lead speaker. it was really helpful as i was having a few particularly stressful days at the time. got my head right and helped me calm the fuck down regarding things out of my control
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Acceptance of situations beyond my control have come up recently regarding other people. I set boundaries and say my piece in a respectful manner (acting like a mature adult). Then I have to let it go. Iām responsible for what I say and how I act but Iām not responsible for how someoneās takes it. I pray when I have a resentment. āGod, save ME from being angryā
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So Iāve been working on my resentments and found this helpful overview. Itās hard sometimes but understanding it is an addictive state of mind has been useful.
10 Steps to Letting Go of Resentment
Approach resentment as the addictive state of mind it is.
Realize that you are using resentment to replicate old dramas and acknowledge that you cannot change the past.
Examine how your resentment may come from mentally confusing people in your present life with people from your past.
Acknowledge that you cannot control those who have rejected you.
Recognize that your resentment gives you only illusions of strength. Instead, highlight and validate your real strength and power.
Learn to identify signals that provoke resentment. Apply the acronym HALT, widely used in 12-step programs: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, and Tired.
Practice cognitive behavioral techniques to stop indulging in resentment. Put a thought between your feelings of resentment and indulging in ruminating about them.
Acknowledge your part in allowing the abuse to occur, forgive yourself for that, and make a decision to not let it occur again.
Declare an amnesty with the person you resent and with yourself.
Forgive when you can, and practice willful and deliberate forgetfulness when you cannot, keeping in mind that these acts are gifts to yourself rather than capitulation to the people you resent.
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This is excellent. I copied and printed this for my sobriety journal.
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I find daily reflections very helpful and the text for today the 1st of July is so beautifully written. For me working the steps now is making all the difference.
1
July
THE BEST FOR TODAY
The principles we have set down are guides to progress.
ā ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 60
Just as a sculptor will use different tools to achieve desired effects in creating a work of art, in Alcoholics Anonymous the Twelve Steps are used to bring about results in my own life. I do not overwhelm myself with lifeās problems, and how much more work needs to be done. I let myself be comforted in knowing that my life is now in the hands of my Higher Power, a master craftsman who is shaping each part of my life into a unique work of art. By working my program I can be satisfied, knowing that āin doing the best that we can for today, we are doing all that God asks of us.ā
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I use āGod, save ME from being angryā as my prayer when Iām walking through resentments. This one youāre dealing with is a biggie. I have no idea how I would handle that one because thereās boundary/respect issues. I applaud you for processing this in such a mature manner. You are definitely working a program. Taking it to your HP is the best action.
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So Iāve managed to let the feeling pass, but still think I need to address it with him or it will keep coming back.
I did pray to my HP, clearly they are looking after me.
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I was dealing with feeling antsy and impatient last night. I never get bored. Iām always up for reading, studying the big book, or working on a hobby. But last night I didnāt know what to do with myself. I realized that I had to sit with those feelings until they passed. That I was being taught patience right at that moment and didnāt need to do anything to fill that void. Itās interesting how these things come up and we are able to process it now (most of the time) I went to bed early and got up earlyā¦did some meditation outside, and I feel refreshed this morning. It goes full circle right back to āAcceptance is the answer to all my problems todayā¦ā
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