Relapse… hate myself… I think that’s my problem, I don’t like myself, how do I find a way to like myself?
This may seem like it’s an unachievable goal but trust me you would feel 100% proud of yourself when you could stay clean for years and look back at this day and say to yourself that was the last time I relapsed… Like the wise say ‘’ sobriety is not a destination, it is a journey ‘’
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You cant beat yourself up over it. We have a disease. Relapse is unfortunately a part of it. You have to just keep picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and try again. I don’t like myself either but I know I’m worth more then the bottom of my next drink and I found a reason to fight, my son. Find yourself a reason to fight and liking yourself will come with time.
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I don’t have kids… but yes I have friends and family to fight for…
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Hey, sorry to hear about your relapse. I do think that it brings up a really important point though… It seems like you’ve come to the realization that you’ve been hating yourself for a long time. Well maybe hate is a strong word, but that you have an internal struggle to like yourself. I have also realized in my Sobriety that the internal voice that we all live with was a very negative one for a very long time. It’s really hard to keep going every day with an internal voice that is negative and self deprecating. I know that this is only my opinion, but two books that really helped me were “the untethered soul” by Michael singer and “you can heal your life” by Louise hay. I actually read both of these books while still in active addiction, but as I look back on it I had about a year and a half period of presobriety where I was drinking and using, but I didn’t want to, and I was reading lots of literature that I knew would eventually lead me in the right direction. Ultimately, while it does help me to think of those in my life who love me and who I love, the only way for me to get clean was to figure out how to love myself and to get sober for myself. Again, this is just what worked for me. Keep fighting out there today.
Much Love,
Ely
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What used to make you happy before you drank yourself to death? Think way back, even as a kid, did you have hobbies? What did happiness feel like back then? One thing that helped me was getting back in touch with my childhood self and all the things I used to enjoy when I was younger.
And trust me, I get it. Sobriety sucks. It zaps your energy, and motivation, literally nothing seems fun, because everything is boring when you’re sober, I get it. It will take time to break that mindset, and the best thing to do is to just do it. Go through the motions, at least get started. Did you used to love drawing? Sports? Reading? Force yourself to do 5 minutes of it. Even if it feels like torture. Usually after a couple minutes, you start to gain some momentum and actually enjoy what you’re doing for a moment. It’s these little moments that will help you through your sobriety, and get you back on the path of loving yourself and enjoying life again.
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This! Made me think. I used to ride horses. I love it. I’m competitive. It would be bada$$ imo to compete at least once. I was learning reining, before I had kids. I’ve always loved to sing. I’m singing a lot these days. I like being in nature. Been spending more time outdoors. I’m learning to love myself. I’m learning I matter. Getting back into things you enjoy, sober, helps a lot. Thx for making that point.
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