2 weeks and struggling

Advice & Questions
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Hi,

I’ll introduce myself first my name is Eli, i’m a 22 year old female student, and right now i am exactly 14 days and 6 hours clean of drugs.

I’ve been wanting to relapse more than anything these last few weeks, but couldn’t as my boyfriend is living with me and is keeping an eye on me.

So there’s two things i need some advice on.

Number one, what are the best ways to prevent relapses.

Number two, my boyfriend keeps telling me me going to NA and me getting clean is a big “situation” for him and he takes it as his responsibility. He was at a party last night on the phone with me and bc he huffed his nose loudly I jokingly said “oeh drugs?” Which ticked him off and he went on a rant about me losing all privileges to make jokes about that or anything related to it, because its too hard on him, while he knows i’ve struggled with alcohol abuse too he went and got extremely drunk and kept berating me for the situation. My Na meetings. My mental health, all the shit he’s done for me and my hospitalization in a clinic a few weeks ago. I know he was drunk and there was a-lot of emotion involved. But i cant bring it up to him without him saying all the things i’ve done and said to him. (Which was exactly only that he left me alone for 15+ hours to party while i was sick and he promised me he would be home on time.)
I just dont know how to handle this all.

He’s always been a good support to me and helped me wherever he could (hiding alcohol, throwing out benzos), staying with me through withdrawels, and trying to make the best out of the situation. but lately he’s been blaming me for everything, making me want to relapse into drugs and alcohol again…and it actually really made me think about self harm again…

I’m sorry if this is too long… but any advice would be appreciated

(And yes i’ve told him a million times this isnt his responsibility, but he doesn’t seem to understand that.

Love,
Eli

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Hi Eli! I’m sorry you are going through that. Wow! Two weeks really is a big deal. It’s very hard, but on a positive note you should be through worst of the withdrawals. Are you making any connections at your NA meetings? I surround myself with sober people and need the community. For tonight, pat yourself on the back for a great achievement. This is your life and sobriety.

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Thank you so much. I’ve been through most withdrawals and am coping pretty well now. But it just makes it all more complicated.
Thank you for your kind words

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Welcome!

As for yourself, can only suggest accepting any help you can find. I mean more like outside, and NA might be a great place. People who understand and have been here before. It (AA) really helped me as I got a few days of sobriety and tried to understand what was next. More for you than for him tho.

The BF likewise may find something in Al-Anon. Support for those affected by those struggling with addiction.

It’s fantastic he is supportive, but you’re right that it is ultimately your responsibility, not his. He may find some insight and more constructive ways to support you in Al-Anon.

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2 weeks is amazing and you not alone struggling b/c even sober we struggle sometimes. Rather it’s with our alcohol or drug problem or just life problems. Surround yourself with like minded ppl in the problem bc they will be there n understand the situation. We are proud of you and don’t give up before the miracle happens.