2 years 7months and one hell of a ride


#1

Hey there. I am in recovery. I started my path much like anyone. I was failing in every aspect of my life , I couldn’t buy a win and everyday life left me breathless and in panic. I was self medicating and had lost touch with who I was and became a shell of the human I could of been. The spiral down was rapid and I deserved any bit of bad luck that would land before my feet. My whole life gorwing up was based in or around the world of partying. My childhood was a school of hard knocks introduction into the person I was to become. Poisonous relationships and severe denial was built in me at a very young age. I never wanted to grow up and face the music and never wanted the party to end. Towards the end I still somehow managed to maintain a job but had starting losing everything else.
I started my journey into sobriety 2 years and 7 months ago and I have not been more proud of any accomplishments. I have managed to dig myself out of such a rut that I can now breath. I can hold my head high and confidently attack any goal I put in front of me with precision and finese. That being said, any great success in my recovery has had an equal and opposite reaction. This last 4 month has been a testament to how much work it takes to stay clean.
While riding a high of successfully getting a license and a brand new car and becoming physically fit I was rewarded with the suicide of one of my best friends who was struggling with his own demons. When I worked my way from the bottom of my company into a managerial position I was rewarded with the death of my mother to cancer 2 days before my 31st bday.
Paying off my debts and being able to stand alone financially was a great step in life to be rewarded with the death of my grandmother 3 days before Xmas to aggressive lung cancer.
I do not hold any of these things as reasons to stop my recovery, but they are truly humbling in the sense in a heartbeat it can all be over. So why not make it count. I loved everyone I’ve lost, but I must continue on my path to make them proud, proud of who I’ve become.
These untimely death now have kick started a whole new set of problems as now my father fights his own demons and is slowly slipping into a dark place he figures only alcohol can help. I cannot halt my recovery to help him figure it out because he has to figure out his own path. So even after eliminating all my old friends , my path is not over. I am still to remove more and included in that is family. I will not fail in my attempt to be better. I will help anyone who needs it but when it directly threatens my recovery I have to walk away.
I have come 2 years 7 months on the rollercoaster of recovery. Blazing my own path. But what I’ve lost does not hurt as much as it would hurt to fail at this. I could not live with myself if I were to resort to old habits. I feel stronger than ever and am very happy despite the large amount of loss I have recently had to face.
To anyone out there wondering if it is all worth it???
The answer is yes, no matter how dark the tunnel seems to get it is always worth it. Do what you have to do to stay clean. The you YOU always believed lived Inside is ready to come out. Show the world you are nothing to fuck with. Always be ready to lose and do not be scared to win.


#2

Appreciate you sharing your trials and tribulations. Stay strong brother.


#3

I love this post. Your writing is a beautiful. Thank you for sharing. I am sorry for your loss. And I agree with what you say.


#4

Wow man, great post. You’ve faced so much in the last few years, and have persevered. Humbled and inspired to read your words. Especially that you chose not to use any of those traumatic events as a reason to go back to your old ways. Outstanding job!


#5

A good reminder that nothing is worth a relapse. Life can be tough sometimes but drinking or using will only make life worse.


#6

Thank you!