3 Week mark is today ! I feel worse now than day 1. Wtf?

Today is exactly 3 weeks, and I the last two days I have felt worse than day one. I do not understand why!!! I even started to feel like my sober self again just 5 days ago even. I was even doing non-necessary tasks because I wanted to get up and song loud and terribly in my car. My past w/opiates & and recovering is long, but I need help, & you guys would need information in order to help. I have called my doctor to both give him an update and schedule an 11 o’clock for tomorrow, and I called my father. He is also a MD, he helped patients that your doctor couldn’t diagnose with confidence. He is familiar w/ very similar if not exact mental difficulties that sobriety induces. He has Parkinson’s, and has been hugely helpful to me b/c he is both; 1 of 2 people I know in “real life”, who’s experienced these nightmares & his MD offers even usually offers better understanding; I gravely regret not telling him until the last day of my most recent and only relapse.) To start, I quit a 2 yr duel with opiates on 2/1/2014. I had my ups and downs; one day in August 2014 (5 months) I had a panic attack (PA), then recurring PA’s the following 8 days, each lasting the entire night. It would start in the evening and last until 3-4am until I literally passed out from fatigue & feeling like I wasn’t able to breathe. After trials w/a few anxiety med, and even more panic attacks lasting 5-15 days, my doctor told me that they are severe enough that he would recommend klonopin even while knowing & helping w/ my past substance issues. He actually insisted, b/c the therapy I was doing needed me to be well rested, at least sometimes. That process caused me to make a D while on academic probation and I was kicked out for 1 year (and apparently forever since they denied me last fall as well). That really just started a bad path, but I did find a really fucking lucky job @ a major bank w/ many opportunities for commissions and bonuses, so I believe that job delayed my spiral until after 3 years I was beginning to have shorter (15min) PA’s, and eventually (still 15m though) I was having them at work and my boss saw it happen one day and told me to take a leave and relax until I’m ready to retur. So, I did that and it was great (lasting 11month), until the month b4 I returned, I relapsed during that month. I worked for 2 more months, and I had been apply everywhere b/c I figured out very fast that that job was a trigger both due to stress and also ethics. So, I quit, & now for a non 9-5 type job and I start school on 3/21/18 to finish my last 2 years. I got clean from that relapsed 3 weeks ago today, after a 1-2 month taper. Sometime in 2012 I started opiates @ 4/day & ended w/around 20-25/day, which I stupidly swapped to non-prescribed methadones during the 1 month taper before I quit on 2/1/2014. I learned fast to always do research, I thought it would help lessen the w/d’s for quitting. So, I swapped from my favorites: tabs & perks, & probably doubled the issues I would have had if I didn’t swap. In Jan my doc prescribed adderall (I was on a controlled taper of 1/4 suboxone per 3 days. I had prepufor this recovery much better), and wow honestly the adderall made all but the rls DISAPPEAR, I was amazed!!! It even continued to do that effect after my tolerance prevent any euphoria (I stuck to my dose)until 2 days ago. My rls came back 100x and my inner elbows (that’s a new & weird symptom from both acute (physical? I mean physical) w/d periods. I’m not exactly sure what the cause is. I have adult ADHD (ADHD that never got treated as a kid, that was intensified by my bi-polar type 2) and the adderall has helped me so much, and I don’t mean euphoria or even just w/d symptom relief. I’m 28, ive played guitar 18 years now, & never been able to sing/play @ the same time, or keep rhythm w/o jamming w/a drummer. I hadn’t played seriously (all musicians pick up there tool once a month or so) well over 4 years, and 2 weeks after my daily 10mg XR adderal I picked it up and played almost every sone I knew and sang @the same time. It took me a night or two to polish up my sense of rhythm, and I also stopped having all those brain farts & was able to communicate w/ people much better. If u think I’m all over the place now, you have no idea, plus I didn’t take it today b/c I want to know what’s causing my to feel the RLS & the intense pain in my arms and my bones. I am stopping each of my 3 prescriptions for just 72hrs to see if they are causing this. My third prescription is Cymbalta if anyone has any thoughts or just some motivation for me. I haven’t felt “good” at all during these 3 weeks, and the past week my emotional state has been ALL OVER THE PLACE, but I remember that, I do not remember physical symptoms returning in full blast. I relapsed today, I took 2 5mg lortabs, I know it was stupid. I felt like I had no choice, I was supposed to drive and chaperone a field trip at 12pm today for my son’s class, & I didn’t sleep at all last night and knew I couldn’t drive, so I took the 2 at 6am & slept until 11, and got ready. Luckily, my wife offered to go for me, and obviously that what was needed…I did go w/her but she drove. I just felt like I needed to push myself harder to punish myself, and I ran 3 hrs after we got home to continue it. It was dumb, & felt pointless, I didn’t want any euphoria so I took a dose small enough and long enough before for it to let me get sleep and it wore off, and then my wife drove. It was so pointless, i have no intention on continuing any opiates, so I just made those symptoms promise to come back in a day or two and intensify my RLS & arms/bones & did I just slow down my brain’s healing process?? Idk, if what I’m asking can be answer, but I need something tonight! My main question for you wonderful people is about the return of physical symptoms b4 the relapse. With help from the adderall I was on I also stopped smoking (in January) and just went ahead and stopped my occasional glass of scotch. I was taking everything as prescribed & I have been 100% transparent to all important family members, close friends, & my doctor. Meetings are not my thing, Im very comfortable with the major scientific journals (meaning NOT the journals that industries like homeopathy, chiropractics, acupuncture, anti-GMO groups use to legitimatize their completely make believe claims…that HURT people, steal millions/billions from people & they will not hesitate to sell you water w/ vitamin c as a level alternative to chemotherapy (aka; the groups listed earlier will do anything to keep their dangerous industries legal and keep trying to convince ignorant and plainly stupid people that their services actually have anything above a placebo effect, and they will prefer to sell you bunk and let you die due to neglecting life saving treatment. W/e it takes to make $10,000 per round of 6-12 month treatment of that super magical water+vit C. I’m off the soap box now, I do feel strongly about that subject and am not a stranger to separating fact from fiction. Thanks for the help.

Have you considered finding an AA meeting group?

The promises are waiting for you there!

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Ok. Wow. So I get from this that you might be an addict with a tendency to medicate yourself using the medical system. Me too. Except alcohol, every drug I’ve been addicted to, a Dr. Prescribed. Since meetings aren’t your thing, maybe a behavioral therapist could be a benefit. I found that once I was through the initial withdrawal, the rls would hang on for weeks, but then it goes away. You need to get off of as many drugs as you can for several weeks before trying to figure out your actual underlying issue. Psychological symptoms hung with me about 30 days before I felt better.