30 days sober, hoping for the best going forward

Feeling good, going to meetings, but yet to find a sponsor. I have a problem believing anyone besides me actually gives a shit honestly. Hopefully I can overcome that at some point. Five years ago I went to rehab and managed to get 2.5 years after that and then i got into a terrible relationship and relapsed.

This is a fresh start and it’s generally going well but there have been some issues, mostly around my old friends and boredom which I’m working on.

Any advice on the things above is appreciated but other things are welcome too.

Have a great Sunday all!

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Sobriety for me has been a lot of discovering stuff about myself that I never would have noticed (or addressed) before I got sober. The two big things I’m addressing now are ADHD (after I did a test the therapist said he has many clients who have ADHD to some level but “your results are off the charts; they’re the highest I’ve ever seen” - well! That explains a few things :grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:), and depression (this was a surprise but after I reflected it actually makes sense). Both of these conditions are totally liveable and I can have a full, rich life. I will need to work with a combination of medication and counselling.

Let others worry about whatever they care about. (BTW I promise you there are people out there who give a shit about you as a person. But the thing that really matters is whether you give a shit about yourself. Other people have their own lives and they have to give a shit about themselves, and it’s not possible or healthy for one person to take care of their own shit and someone else’s shit. Yes you matter and yes there is support out there for all of us - but the primary responsibility for shit-giving is you. You are capable of caring for yourself and you will learn how.)

Take care & never give up. You’re a good person and you deserve a safe, sober life where you can be your full self.

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First, I’d like to say great job on 30 days. That’s truly awesome, and you should be proud of your efforts.

You know, sometimes as we go through our lives, we deal with enough situations where people have let us down, and we’ve felt like we didn’t matter, that this would be a natural defense system. I’m not saying that is your experience, but it’s not uncommon.

And truthfully? You can never truly know, I suppose. People always have their own motivations to everything. But my thoughts on this are that if a person is willing to act in a sponsor role for you, and they reach out, they are there when you reach out, if they go through all the motions that one would expect a sponsor to do, then they obviously care enough to take the time out of their day to provide that service, yes?

Life is busy, man. People have a lot of things they want to do with their time. So there would need to be at least a little care involved to give you a little piece of their life. For what is interacting with another than spending minutes from your limited living bank account?

It could help if you took some time to think about what you want and/or need from a sponsor. It is easy to feel let down by another person when they fail to live up to an ideal that could be vague at best. What actions would your sponsor need to take for you to feel like they do care, even a little, about your well being? Be honest with yourself in this.

Then get to know people. Once you find someone you think might be a good fit, talk to them about your list, what you need/want from a sponsor, and make sure that they are able to fulfill that need/want. Find out from them what they expect from you as your sponsor. Make sure you’re a good fit.

Giving a shit can be a little subjective. I can tell you that while I don’t know you, I give a shit enough about your recovery, to sit here and type all this up. It’s not a huge shit, but it’s a shit, yeah? It will be good for you to know what your own expectations from others so they can be met.

Good luck and, again, great job on 30 days.

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Sometimes we have to walk away from old friends who aren’t contributing to our wellbeing. It can be tough. My son is going through this right now in his first week+ of sobriety. He told me that it’s strange and sometimes awkward, because he sees now that he has nothing in common with some of the people he had called friends. You’ve had a long stretch of sobriety before, so I’m sure you get it, but it does cause conflict in our minds.

I know you feel like you have no one who cares, but I care for you. @Matt cares for you, and I can promise you this, this community cares for you. Always reach out when things become too much to handle. We’re all here. Sending you love and strength :slightly_smiling_face::heart:

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Don’t be afraid to ask someone to sponsor you. I know it’s easier said than done. Someone is willing to invest their time in helping you because it also helps them. Helpng others is what the program is all about.

Congratulations on 30 days! :tada:

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Super on 30 days! And, I have good news & bad news for you… good stuff-- you don’t ever have to drink or use again! Bad stuff-- we all are now your new best friends!!! If the old friends are still out there doing shit, best to stay away.
Meetings help with focus, this app helps with boredom and sharing experience, strength and hope. See, it’s keeping me busy & focused too right now. Focus on the prize of a lifetime. You.

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Thanks yall, I really appreciate the feedback and will take it all to heart

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Good your going to meets get phone numbers get a good network round you and im sure your get a sponsor wish you well

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