Ahh yes I knew id be back at day one soon. It was just a matter of time(i thought I really had it this time). Was depressed, was angry. I drank. And as much as I could to!
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It’s seems by your opener (“I knew I’d be back at day one soon”) that you had already made up your mind before you decided to drink. If you knew it would only be a matter of time, then why even try?
“What we envision, we will become.”
BTW - nothing is down the drain, that’s 38 successful days that you didn’t drink. Get back on the path.
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I’ll be here tomorrow when the alcohol wears off. Hopefully you don’t cope with it by drinking again.
Good luck
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Nothing is a waste if you learn from it and better yourself a little the next time or never drink again after this.
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I’ve been there. More than once. It’s frustrating and the guilt is awful but time will March on. Go for 39 this time. We’re here rooting for you.
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maybe a meeting might help then you can lift the phone not the drink wish you well
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If you had the thought that you would be back at day 1 again then you had already started the journey to relapse.
You had 38 days of doing something right. Get back up and start again. With no shame. You had a lesson to learn still.
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You need to remember that even though you did drink again you still managed 38 days without drinking and NOTHING can take that away. Learn from what happened this time and be aware so that you can surpass that number.
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Been there, done that, got the t shirt 
But like @Spartan_Chris said it looks like you allready had made up your mind.
What are you going to do differently this time?
I hope you are feeling better and…if you can do 38 days you can do more! 
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