I reached 3 days clean from heroin. I’m on the suboxone program but I’m proud of myself for
reaching this goal. I haven’t been this far since December when I went 2 weeks cold turkey then started back in again. I go to IOP 3 days a week for 3 hour sessions. It’s hard but I’m really trying. Yay me! 
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Awesome sauce. IOP was a blessing for me, the schedule, the group environment and the personal attention available from the counselor… loved it and was sad when I “graduated” from it.
Welcome to the forum, welcome home. We get it, we been there, we done that, we stay sober together.
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Just like @CaptAZ, IOP was a blessing for me too. At the beginning, I was thinking how the hell am I going to manage 3 hours a day 4 days a week and work full-time while taking care of my family. It All worked out and I was sad when I graduated. That was 10 months ago and I still keep in touch with a few of the people from my group. All I can say is, take advantage of the program. It’s all worth it.
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I still have a long way to go. I was initially just going to DEEP counseling to get my license back but I had a dirty piss test with fentanyl in it so they put me in IOP. I failed all my piss tests because of the heroin. Then we had meetings via zoom so I didn’t have urines. I was honest with them though and told them I was still using. It took them a while to convince me to get on the sub program but I was spending every dollar I made on my habit so I had to make a change. One of my daughters is barely speaking to me while the other one is encouraging me and proud of me for admitting I have a problem and seeking help. My counselors are proud of me for taking this step in my recovery to get on the program. It’s a start. So far I’m doing well with it. I have to be clean for 90 days to get my license back. Idk how much longer they are gonna keep me in IOP. I feel like I been in it forever. I started back in February or March. We just started going back to face to face msgs a few weeks ago.
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It’s a learning process. Each day I find I take a baby step in the right direction that I don’t use. Now I’ll be able to pay my bills and get caught up on my rent. I was making poor decisions and going down the wrong road. Eventually I quite possibly would have been homeless because drugs were more important than bills. I needed to smarten up. I’m just glad I saw the light at the end of the tunnel before it was too late. It could have been much worse. I have never injected heroin. Only smoked it. Which I guess could have been a saving grace in itself. I was addicted to oxys a few years back and was able to get myself clean cold turkey and stayed clean for 18 months. I just don’t know why it was so hard this time for me to quit.
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I was in class with a couple people who had been in there for over a year, because they clearly weren’t committed to helping themselves and failed tests. It’ll take whatever it takes, I was only in IOP for about 100 days before he graduated me, didn’t send me on to SOP, guess he had a lot of faith in and I haven’t let him or myself down since.
Having familial support is helpful, but it is not a necessity. Don’t do it for anyone but you. I wasn’t on speaking terms with my mom when I got sober, and I didn’t force it to happen, but we got back to solid eventually.
Take each day as it comes, enjoy the learning process.
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Hay ! 3 days is bloody brilliant! I’m also a heroin addict and couldn’t get clean without going on subs to help me … I tried everything from trying to taper off heroin to cold turkey nothing worked until I got on subs … It’s called espranor in UK. I’m so proud of you for getting help … I put my kids through hell when I was in active addiction but today i live my amends to them by staying clean. I hope you stay around to get the help and support you deserve x
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It can only get better from here. I want to continue to be proud of myself and I want my daughters to be proud of me too. I want my daughter to want to bring my grandson to see me. A new me. A me that loves myself again. I haven’t liked myself for such a long time. I’ve been ashamed of the person I’ve become. I’ve hidden behind my addiction for so long. I no longer want to be that person. I want to feel joy. To be happy in life once again. To genuinely have something to smile about. I’ve been battling depression for many years and my drug use has only made it worse. I want to see the brighter side of things. I want to feel good on a daily basis not just for a few minutes because I’m high or what I think I feel good then I regret what I did. Because it’s never enough. I’m always kicking myself in the ass or looking for the next fix. I always wanted to do better but I would fail. I’ve always been that failure. That regret. I’ll do it tomorrow. Tomorrow would never come cuz I was too busy chasing the dragon. After a while I wasn’t getting high. I was just doing so I wasn’t feeling like shit. I was chasing away the sickness. Just making myself feel normal. Or as close to normal as I could remember. I wouldn’t go out. I’d make plans and cancel because I didn’t feel good. I really didn’t feel good. I was busy feeding my illness. Giving in to my addiction. Hiding behind closed doors. I missed out on a lot. I never went anywhere or did anything. I want to be free. I don’t want to wait around day after day wondering where I’m gonna get money for my next fix, waiting by the phone for the dealer to wake up, finding a ride to go to the dealer’s. It feels good to not have that anxiety about it all. To not have to worry and wait. To just be free from it all. It’s a sigh of relief. I just can’t wait to see what else is in store for me in the future. It’s gotta keep getting brighter from here. I just get bored easily and I just don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know how to fill my days. I do IOP 3x a week. Counseling 1 day a week appts here and there. Work 2 nights a week. I really don’t have any friends anymore. I need some ideas.
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Ahhh good in you I got 5 months then went bk out and I myself are in day 3 my habbit was herion and benzo bat it’s stolen 20 years of my life I’m always here if you need a relatable chat ,my advice would be done expect to much too soon let iylt all happen as and when and try not to force anything,lots of self love and care getting up and showering and brushing my teeth was the best I could do early days basic needs are a must even if we wash and brush out teeth n haven’t picked up that’s a win sweet stick with it.xx
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Valerie, I also have that issue finding new friends. Have you thought about NA or AA. I was going before covid and met some pretty amazing woman. I’m a total introvert so I would go and sit in the back. It took weeks before I actually shared. But the woman were so welcoming from day 1.
I can relate to your story. I was hooked on pain pills. Making sure I had enough to get thru a day was consuming all my time and money. It wasn’t even fun anymore. I needed them to avoid being sick. It was so freeing knowing I know longer had to be a slave to the drugs.
I wish you the best with your recovery and don’t ever hesitate to reach out. We’re all here to help each other.
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That’s amazing good job!
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