4. Dark. Sober notes

Life in Recovery
1

Before getting sober, all I ever did was drink work and escape.

That’s all drinking ever led too. Ive been thinking about my past off and on throughout this year. Interestingly enough this was my best year to date, for many reasons. Even though the first 6 months mostly sucked overall, the only positives honestly was fishing and my kid. But I knew it was one of those.. we have to go through the pain, the hurt, the learning, the all of it to grow.

Even going through it, I could feel 2 things.

Stay sober
Better things will arise.

And it did.

Drinking only delays the good days ahead by trying to make them now.

Think about that and life. When has something ever been 100% great? And when did constantly having great fun amazing moments give someone inner strength?

That part is life.

The brokeness, the change, the saddness, the grief, the hurt.

The moments you wish would of but never did.

The bad runs, the downfalls, the fucking pain.
Non of it is easy. Life is never easy..

But, drinking eventually made it worse, and I can honestly say… it wont help get you better, it wont unfuck you.

Drinking isn’t some magic liquid that when you wake up, life just becomes full of guilt free, self love and Hope.

Life now for me, I could never imagine myself going back to drinking. Everything within myself got better. Took work, honest inner work.

I mean i even struggled in that for so long and i still struggle at times, but doing this… being this sober, broken, trying person is way better than my best drinking day.

Because my top 5 drinking days, where meaningless.

To create a daily life that you dont need to escape, is the most beautiful reward a person can receive and im greatful for that.

Thats what all these years of sobriety lead too..

It takes time, how long? I don’t know..but that walk is more important than the walk to the bar.

Don’t get me wrong, wandering, wondering, hoping, every emotion in-between.

… its all … soo … beautiful.

Because acceptance is apart of the jouney.
Acceptance is the opposite of what we were doing, in escaping.

The party is over, drinking is done.
Its ok..

Its time to go live, to be free, to feel.

I know, its scary, it feels hopless.
Bored?
Or even more stressed?

Going through emotions that you buried years ago.
Or the.. “then what?”

Or worse..

“But, my traumas.”

I won’t sit here and pretend to know what you went through, but my childhood wasn’t it at times either…

We can sit here though, we can sit in silence.
We can sit here, sober.

15 Likes
2

:pray: :hugs: :heart:

A wonderful read. thanks for being here Andre and sharing your journey. Grateful to be able to sit sober with you!

6 Likes
3

i like the motif of:

the past is the past what matters now is now

because you’re right a lot of us do still struggle with trauma and stuff but we don’t want to use that stuff to justify using

thanks for sharing your writing

mind if i ask what inspired you to write this?

1 Like
4

Hmmm, take a guess.

5

Being stuck in a cycle, trying to escape the prison of walls you built up around yourself aka addiction and misery.
It’s not easy to break free. But neither is being stuck in a life you need to escape from everyday with a drink.
Thanks for sharing :beating_heart:

4 Likes
6

Thank you Andre. This was an incredibly good read for me tonight as a lot of hits home . I have been stuck in my own little pity party today and bitter about the things in my life that I can’t change at the moment even though they make me unhappy.

And that is definitely something I need to work on right now . Accepting my situation and making the best of it .

4 Likes
7

Ahh, the most scary word of them all.

Bitter.

I hope beyond all things, that bitterness, and that self-spiral can release from you.

Because, it would be a pity to go so far into a new journey with or without God and be.. bitter.

Sincerely.

But, bitterness can arise from anything.
Sorry you have to go through it..

Just know over time change will come. Better or worse, i dont know. Thats between you and God.

However, change will come.

3 Likes
8

I just figured out your name is Andre lol :laughing: good read friend.

1 Like
9

And, when I call you “V”, it is for Vigilant. :rofl:

Yo, but what if your name was Victoria or something.

Nah, I will… you look like a…LMAOO.

:rofl::rofl:

FKN ASHLYNN IN THE HOUSE.
Oh, man, make myself laugh. :rofl::rofl:

ASHLYNN MARIE YOU BETTER TURN OFF THAT DEVIL MUSIC!!

:rofl::rofl:

1 Like
10

Goofball lmao :rofl: :joy: :laughing: it’s actually Melissa :joy:

2 Likes
11

Awh dammit, that was my second guess.

:rofl::rofl:

1 Like
12

Oh lordy lol :laughing: :joy: :rofl:

1 Like
13

Nah, on the real, i was thinking, Alyssa.

Then i went Ashley.

Then i was like, she out here loving Country, God and the USA, her mom out here beating her ass for Motley Crew.

Add the Lynn Andre, be a menace.

:rofl::rofl:

1 Like
14

LMAO :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: well you were close yep that’sme alright. She beat my ass often for that devil music :musical_notes: :laughing:p

1 Like
15

Truth…Good work :folded_hands::innocent:.33years here & through it all, It’s all been worth it, I’ve learned so much about my self & Life….& payed a big price for my Sobriety, even in Sobriety we deal with other forms of temptation & stinky thinking , today I’m able to be honest with myself & accept reality & not Live in fantasy Land….Thank God

2 Likes
16

Indeed, all praise to the most high. :raising_hands:t3:

1 Like