5 days off weed

This is a ramble/vent. I’m starting to feel a fair bit of pressure because my closest friends know that I’ve quit.

It was necessary for me to quit because I smoked almost constantly. It was holding me back. Lately I’ve realized that if I keep this up, I can pass a drug test and land a high paying job.

That doesn’t stop me from wanting to smoke. I wish that I were not “powerless over my addiction.” I put that in quotes because I’ve been presented with that fact by media a lot lately. They’re not my own words. Although it is true. I cannot control my addiction. I cannot buy just a little weed, smoke once, and be satisfied.

I’d been smoking for like ten years. My abusive parents gave me weed when I was still a teenager. In my recent struggles to quit, I noticed that I abuse weed as a coping mechanism, often for anxiety. The funny thing is that it doesn’t really work.

I have to keep at it. This is hard, but I think it will get easier. The first 3-4 days were easy because I’ve been sortof weening myself off of it for the last month. But damn if I don’t want to buy weed right now. I’m so glad that even though my addiction is legal, I can’t just go to 7/11 in the middle of the night and buy it. The struggle to maintain willpower must be much harder for other addicts. Although, if I really wanted to, I could probably get weed from someone. But how trashy would that be? I don’t want to sabotage myself. I want to try, and sink or swim of my own power. I think I’ve been letting weed hold me back because it made me feel safe.

When can I throw away my bong? I don’t know, but not yet. I would like to throw it away around the two week mark because I think that will be the hardest point. I want to increase the monetary commitment of a future relapse, to discourage the changes. But maybe that is counter-productive, because of that aforementioned commitment.

Thanks for reading. TL;DR: I have struggled with smoking weed for half my life because I was set up by abusive parents. Quitting is hard and scary, but opening new opportunities.

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Being on the fence emotionally can be hard, but it’s a beginning. It’s better than being firmly on the wrong side where the grass really is greener on the other side. Yes throwing away your bong may be hard, but it will be a sign of real commitment to your recovery. You’ve got to really want it or it will be too easy to slip back into it. Dig around on the site/app for other posts of people you might resonate with that may help. You can do this. You’re worth it.

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An update: 16 days off weed. No relapses since I started using this app. I’m probably going to throw away my bong tomorrow. I moved into a new house and I left it at the old one. That has significantly decreased my commitment to owning it, and I now feel comfortable throwing it away. I went to an ice cream place and splurged today with some of the money I’ve saved by not having an addiction. Woohoo! :slight_smile:

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Can relate to this. 10 and a half months off weed. Do everything you can to stay sober. AA NA sponsor prayer meditation readings exersize healthy eating enough sleep sharing venting you can do this I was hopelessly addicted if you can do five days you can do 300 like I have no doubt if you want it it’s yours sobriety just gets better and easier too

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