6 months sober update

Life in Recovery
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It’s been a while since I last posted here. I’m trying to stay away from social media but keep this one as a reminder for my own recovery.

I hit 6 months sober today, something I wasn’t sure if be able to do until I saw it happen. I get in a weird head space when I reach a sober birthday, this one in particular.

Since I first got sober I’ve had a lot of good and bad changes in my life. I went from living in a shitty car in San Francisco working shit jobs, drinking the pain of my divorce and loss of custody of my son away, to moving back to Oregon where I have a better shot of getting them back into my life. I also landed a job doing what I enjoy doing, being plumbing, making good money with great benefits.

I was living with a friend I’ve known for years, and his wife. It helped me a lot, but I came to see that their marriage is toxic and unhealthy and not good for me to be around. I also got into a relationship with someone I met online but am starting to feel like it’s a relationship based purely on the fact that she has a daughter who’s the age of my son when I last saw him, so I get my fatherhood fill in, as well as having my basic needs met sexually. Everything aside I don’t feel any connection with her. It’s only been a couple months but being the first sober relationship I’ve been in i can tell it’s not going to last very long.

I’m at a crossroads because the two places I have to stay until I save up enough for my own place are neither very healthy or enjoyable for me to be in. It’s not triggering me to want to drink or use but I have been feeling like not wanting to go on much longer.

With my child support taking nearly half my income I see it taking a while before I can get my own place. I feel like my higher power is testing me in a lot of ways. I can’t not think about my ex wife and son and getting us a house and being a family again, but I don’t hear from them and get the feeling that I don’t want to know what they’re up to. But I know things would be amazing and life would be good and worth living for if I had them back.

I’m still going to work the steps, on steps 6/7 and try to move forward in life a day at a time without using alcohol or drugs to enhance the pain. My mind is giving me enough of that, also being the 7 year anniversary of my folks passing is coming up next week. This’ll be the first time I’ve been sober for that and interested in seeing how it goes.

I think I just needed a place to write this out and that’s why I keep this app around. I’ve had so much luck and help from this community in the past and made some friends here who have helped a lot. It’s a pretty great place to keep myself reminded of my sobriety and reminder that I’m not alone.

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I remember your first posts @DarthTjader, dark times, eh. And you’re still fighting to get to where you want to be. It’s a real testament to your strength of character that you’ve stayed off the booze.

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You have a lot to deal with,it’s good to hear you are still working on it. Congrats on the six months,that’s a good amount of time.

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6 months during this time of trials is amazing. You are strong, you are capable .
Some days I feel like I’m just plugging away for small gains. But, gains are gains. It will take a little time to dig out of the hole, but it will be glorious when that hard work is rewarded.

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:slight_smile: thanks @Charlesfreck life has gotten better in the last 6 months and I’m sure will continue to, just gotta keep working the program a day at a time! I may not be where I want but I’ve ended up where I needed to be.

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I’m glad to have a lot to deal with, I need it to keep busy! Busy means I’m not stuck in my head. That’s a bad place to be lol. Thank you @NewFuture!

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One of the quotes this app shows when I first come into it says success comes in small goals being achieved over a period of time. I couldn’t agree more! The program has been a see saw for me until recently but I’m very glad I’ve been using it and will continue to as long as I can. Very much appreciate the kind words @Ashley_Sampson :slight_smile:

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Thank you @C-sun! I have looked at sober/Oxford housing but not in a while. When I got offered a room at my friends place I put it on the back burner but it’s time to start looking again. I love the reminders I’ve gotten from you guys here. Sometimes the un-amusement park in my head throws me off but this place and you guys help get me back on track!

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Hey bud. I can relate to a lot of what you are feeling. If you haven’t heard my story before, I’ll give you the short version. I lost my son shortly after his birth. I drank heavily and used heavily after to keep myself numb from feeling it or giving into my emotions. I to was in a relationship with a girl while i was drinking and using who had a son less than a year old, so in a way it felt like gaining wht i had lost. In the six years of using and drinking, I lost a house, was homeless twice, and was around a lot of toxic people. After getting clean and sober, I can tell you for a fact that the choices you will make will never be easy. There will be many damned if you do and damned if you don’t choices. You will often feel like you make the wring choice all the time. But here’s what I know amd I’ll share with you. What do you want? You want to try and work out custody with your son? You can do that because you’re sober and clean. You never could before. Change your living situation? You can, because while it’s not easy, you know what you’re capable of. You’re a stonger man than you were before. Keep your mind focused on your goals and you will acheive.

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Hey @Jim! Thanks for sharing your story! Its so nice hearing a something that reminds me that I’m not alone and others have walked where I have or am currently.

Losing my son and ex wife are two of the hardest things I’ve ever gone through and the bike saying absence makes the heart grow fonder has made more and more sense every day I’ve been without them.

I’m incredibly lucky that an old friend of mine also got sober and has a couple years under his belt and took me in as his sponsee because I could not have done it without his help. He officiated our wedding and knows my son which makes it a lot easier to work the program.

September has been a shitty month every year for the last 7 years and I’ve been under the influence every one except this year. Long story short my mother decided to perminately resolve her and my father’s differences with a pistol late September 2010. I thought I was numbing out with using and drinking when in reality it was adding gas to the fire.

I’m thankful that my higher power as I understand it has given me the chance to work in the trade I enjoy, making decent money with lots of areas to grow in which all will help me get custody of my son. Getting those two back are my main goals in life and i have to and want to stay sober through it all. And I’m very thankful for this community and the stories I get to hear. We are not alone!

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I remember your ealier posts, so I’m glad you’re going strong at six month… If i ever decide to have kids then i hope I’ll find someone like you, such a great dad. Even if you cant see your son at the moment for whatever reasons , you still support him financially. In my eyes it shows a great strength in character. I see lots of them dodging payments by claiming ‘but i never see him’. Boils my blood!

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Thanks @JustL! In my eyes, having my son was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. He gave me purpose and sparked me wanting to live again. Unfortunately drinking and using, along with having a partner who claimed her career was to manipulate people into doing whats best for their and her benefit, took over and made me want to stop living.

Now that I can go to the courts with my sobriety and proof that I’ve held up my end of the deal I plan on doing everything I can to get him back. If she thought I was bad when I was getting loaded, wait till she sees me sober :wink:

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