Hi I’m 26 years old and from the age of 15 I’ve turned to alcohol for confidence, and to feel stronger and careless and also to suppress my depression and anxiety. At a very young age I started to drink cider (called k) 2/3 cans daily to face day by day it gave me confidence which I felt I needed as I was very shy and it also numbed alot of my feelings. I then turned to vodka which I used to drink at least 4 to 5 time a week for fun, confidence and once again to feel nothing. At 18 in 2012 I fell pregnant and had my first year after 3 clean as a whistle. After having my first child I turned to drink a year after having her, back to the vodka and wine at least 3 to 4 times a week. I had my second child in 2016 which gave me another year clean from alcohol. 6 -12 months after giving birth I turned back to the wine and vodka at least 2 to 3 times a week. When I felt sad I drank, when I felt happy I drank, when I felt bored I drank, when I felt anxious I drank. Black outs at least once a week. I am now 26 and its 2019 I tend to drink wine at least 2 to 3 times a week and black out at least once a week. I am currently 7 days sober, I made a decision that I had enough of feeling weak and ashamed of myself when I woke up with a hangover, I’m fed up of giving into alcohol to feel good and motivated, I’ve felt doomed and sad and angry with myself due to the withdrawal, I want to feel like life has meaning and life has excitement without needing to be typsy or drunk. I’m not finding it the hardest to be without alcohol but I am finding it hard to occupy myself as ide usually turn to alcohol when I am bored, I also have social anxiety so it takes me a long time to push myself to go outside. My partner and i have argued alot over my alcohol dependency and he uses it against me sometimes when we argue which is another reason why i want to never drink again. I guess this is just me reaching out to anyone who is in a similar position or has been for advice and help on how to get through. The longest ive gone without alcohol since my second child has been 36 days in january 2019 but I gave into alcohol once again. I know i can do it but its sticking to it which I find difficult.
You would be amazed at how much meaning your life has to the people that love you, including the people on this forum. We know
the daily struggle.
What you have to realize; alcohol provides a rapid release of dopamine and serentonin! The chemicals in alcohol causes this. So, while your drinking your going to get all those feelings you described. Some people describe it as “liquid courage”, while others describe it as “liquid stupidity”
. That’s what I call it.
So the day after you drink heavily, you have depleted all those dopamine and serentonin levels. It takes a feel days or even weeks for all the chemicals to return to normal. That’s where the feelings of dread, embarrassment and self pity came from. Depression is a real thing! Alcohol only adds to the overall symptoms of depression in the long run. Even though we think that alcohol provides a source of self medication. The question for you and your medical provider is, do you need help with medication.
Personally, I realized and accept that my normal is ok! Hopefully, you can get to that point. The true key to self awareness is letting alcohol go! Reprogramming your brain to accept that you are good enough, and even better than you think. We all have social situations that causes anxiety, and guess what? That’s ok! It’s who we are! Learn to accept and be humble.
Best wishes! You have a full forum of people with failures and success stories! Lots of experience fighting this monkey.
Thank you so much, I didnt know that stuff about the chemicals so it all makes sense now as to why I’m feeling so depleted and hopeless without it, I really want to live without having to need alcohol to make me feel like I’m a better person and like life has more promise. Your comment has helped me alot, thank you for sending encouragement to me x
It’s a double edged sword, your brain will eventually reprogram to start releasing those serentonin and dopamine natrually again. However, right now your brain is saving those chemicals for your next big drinking episode!
Your brain is like, “Shit we better put this in savings, we are going to need it!” when she drinks again! lol.
My friend who has done 18 weeks sober now has read Alan Carr’s book, seems to have helped her. I am also one week in and can relate to a lot of what you have said. I think we need to find things to occupy our mind ! My house Is starting to look very clean!
I hope my brain starts to release them naturally again soon I miss waking up feeling like there is promise in the world lol x
I’ll take a look into that, my flat is also very clean lol I’m going to try and push myself to go outside more often, its difficult I get the feeling of dread and I also have a feeling of hatred towards people outside who looks happy and cheerful because I myself do not feel it, it makes my skin crawl lol I’m hoping this fades as more time passes without alcohol x
You never know what people are going through though! The person you envy may look at you and envy you.
Do you listen to podcasts? I love them and found a bunch of motivational ones.
Or hypnotherapy? When I had a really bad blip which led me to the doctor because of my anxiety (they gave me citalopram which works a treat - I have always been anti medication.i wish I had taken it years ago!) Anyway I listened to lots of hypnotherapy for anxiety and confidence . They really helped
Yeah I’m quite a chicken to try medication but I will definitely give that hypnotherapy a go when I have a bad episode next thank you x