First fully sober week in a little while. I don’t think I’ve done more than a month since age 16. I went to an alcohol free bar over the weekend. Not my vibe though. Why drink mocktails when I could just have a nice Doctor Pepper?
I’m not sure how I’m going to do nights out with friends anymore now that I’m staying sober. I’ve planned a Ninja Warrior course on Saturday but they want to do food and drinks afterwards. Do I announce that I’m sober now or do I just order a soft drink and say nothing about it?
People have done it both ways. For me, I let everyone know. I let them know why. I lost some “friends”…i figured it was not a big loss if they couldnt do sober things with me or support my decision.
Alcohol is not my addiction, although I don’t personally drink; I stopped when I was young. The question of alcohol at social events never comes up for me, for a couple of reasons: (1) my friends know I don’t drink (I just say, “I don’t drink alcohol”; anyone who knows me enough to see me socially on a regular basis already knows that), and (2) I just order a Perrier or a Diet Coke, something that’s a nice drink but not alcoholic. No one’s keeping track of who’s drinking what.
(Edit to add: keeping track of who’s drinking what is addiction thinking; only people living in an addiction to alcohol are doing the numbers on it! It’s the same thing with my addiction: I’m a grateful recovering sex addict. When I was in my active addiction, I was keeping track of all kinds of stuff that non-addicts do not. I know that now because of my recovery work, but at the time, that was just my normal. The truth is, no one who’s not an addict keeps track of stuff like that.)
Congrats on your decision to be sober and reaching one week. Whether or not you tell your friends about your decision though is a tough call. Depends on how close you are, how easy it is for them to influence you, how hard it would be for you not to drink when they are drinking, etc.
I would be sure to have a plan for what to do should I feel triggered to drink though.
Thanks mate, is Perrier the sparkling water? I’m going out to a really nice restaurant for my birthday, I’m a bit of a foodie and I was wondering what to drink instead of my usual red wine. I think a nice sparkling water might to the trick actually. Cheers for the advice and you’re right, I just need to change my way of thinking about these things!
My friends are a good bunch and I know they’ll be supportive. It’s more about my own shame around actually admitting out loud to them that I have a problem I think. I know that none of them would try to push it on me as it’s usually me trying to get people to drink more so I don’t feel as guilty.
Good job on the week! And hope you have fun on the ninja course that’s exciting. And personally I’d tell them if they accept it or help then they’re true friends, if not, o well, weed out the bad people in your life.
I’m at almost a week myself and it’s been pretty lonely, everyone around me either supports the decision but stays away bc they still partake…
you got people here who care
Keep it up man!
I find these days that hope keeps me motivated to take action. This is very different from when I was drinking, and each day I would hope I got away with it one more time without consequences. Hope as a positive experience that a better life is attainable is very different from the wishful magical thinking I had been doing.
I had a pretty rough time of it with booze. And I could not get and stay sober until I focused only on how to stay dry from the time I woke up until the time I went to bed. Others’ opinions of me did not matter, but that was in large part because I had zero faith in myself and my opinion of myself was lower than what anyone else could conjure up. So I worked out what I was going to do to stay dry and how I was going to stay unagitated about that. I was not looking for serenity when I got sober, I really just wanted the self-inflicted pain to stop.
When you get into that social situation, and I think you have an inkling about this already, you will find that people either don’t care if you drink or not, or they are glad to see you are not drinking that day, or you may find the one or two who are threatened by your sobriety and will try to undermine it. The embarrassment of saying “No thanks, I don’t want any today” is 100% manufactured inside your own head. You are feeling good about your seven days, and you should be proud of that time. Keep growing your sobriety, keep seeking the change.
In AA, there is heavy emphasis on a spiritual experience. Do you know how that is defined in the AA book? “…the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism.” That change can be experienced in many ways, but it definitely requires work with and guidance from others who have been down the sober path ahead of us, and from those who have wisdom to share with us. It requires a change in thinking and attitudes that contribute to our emotional state and reflect in our behavior.
Blessings on your house as you continue your journey.
Edit - I found this terrific quote from the basketball coach John Wooden.
Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.
It’s the same thing with my addiction: I’m a grateful recovering sex addict. When I was in my active addiction, I was keeping track of all kinds of stuff that non-addicts do not. I know that now because of my recovery work, but at the time, that was just my normal. The truth is, no one who’s not an addict keeps track of stuff like that.)
o well, weed out the bad people in your life.
as you continue your journey.