I’m angry at my family for never checking in on me but always expecting me to be there for them. For never taking the time to learn about me and why I do what I do. For being superficial and bragging about my accomplishments when they were never there for any of it.
I’m angry at my job for never helping me and piling on more work. For ignoring my requests for help. For making me feel guilty for being sick or tired. For being condescending when I was being vulnerable.
I’m angry at my partner for taking too long to do things and being afraid of confrontation. For not applying themselves to be more. For taking the easy way out of everything.
Most of all I’m angry at myself. For letting these things happen. For not controlling and ending these relationships. For not putting myself over others.
I could have wrote this about 2 years ago before i relapsed at about day 95. Very familiar feelings for sure. My advice is be wary of thise emotions and especially the one that may question if being sober is worth it even.
It took some pretty hard bottoms to get me back to 65 day here today. With the help of a counsellor I dealt with alot of emotions which helped and for me. Most of the issue was un addressed pain.
AA helps me to.
I guess i just want to say…hold on to the 86 days and do what it takes to keep going.
I don’t think I want to drink. I want to eliminate all this bad energy from my life, but I can’t. I cant quit my job, family or relationship but they are all breaking me down.
I don’t know, when I get to feeling like everyone is against me and that everyone has wronged me, I try to pause and take a second look because it’s just not all about me.
I forget that sometimes. I recommend a perspective change. Like shift the viewfinder. The world really isn’t singling you out. Take a breather. Go for a long walk outside without staring at a phone or listening to music and just look around you. The world is too big to be all about you. When I get stressed and in a jam, It’s easy to lose focus and just see me.
I remember feeling a lot of anger in early sobriety. Try to find an outlet for it— like the gym or art or therapy or all of the above.
I feel this post. I’m on day 94… This is me. Most times I feel like I’m life’s doormat. I’m severely angry. We were talking in another post about egos. It all plays a part in my opinion. Try to pick up a hobby and relax when you can and make time for yourself. I find that helps. I wish you continued strength on your journey. Be , we ALL got your back and are rooting for you! Keep up the good work!
, we ALL got your back and are rooting for you! Keep up the good work!