I feel just terrible… my drug of choice was heroin, and I have been clean from that for 9 months. But yesterday I slipped up and injected cocaine. Although I didn’t use the drug I struggle with (H) , I feel like complete garbage about using in general… I was doing so well but at the same time 9 months has gone by and I have felt nothing but numbness. That’s the worst part. I feel like a shell of a person and like I will never feel happy again. Along with that, I have lost both of my grandpas in one week. There has been so much sadness and stress in the family right now. I have such a hard time dealing with feelings. I can’t tell anyone what has happened, I just want to get back on track… but it doesn’t change how worthless I feel, and how angry I am at myself.
Just remember you will never have to feel like this again, if you keep yourself on a straight and narrow. You done it before and you can do it again. You suffered with some significant loss in your life so be gentle with yourself. Treat yourself how your grandpas would be treating you. Take care
Perfectly put. Using once doesn’t undo all the sobriety you’ve built and tools you’ve learned. Be kind. You can do this.
We have all been there, but the beauty is, you do not have to ever feel like that again. Your 90 days was good time, build on that. Learn from how you feel now. You do not have to keep going thru this. 
Thank you so much
This was so nice to hear… I feel so defeated but it doesn’t mean that everything up to this point was wasted. I can learn from this and move on… if anything it worked as closure, because instead of constantly thinking about drugs as a way to feel better, I realize it is not worth it at all. It only makes things much worse.
I know that feeling all too well. I’ve relapsed multiple times in the past and can definitely relate. I had to use those relapses as a learning experience. What happened that you relapsed though? Were you around the wrong people? At the wrong place? Doing the wrong thing? You need to think back and pinpoint what happened if you are going to learn from it ya k
I’m glad you reached out, that’s big. You said during the 9 months you felt nothing but numbness. You know it is possible to get sober and be happy right? What can you do differently this time to bring you happiness instead of just feeling numb? Have you been doing things you enjoy? Do you have any hobbies you can do, something you enjoy. And sober friends to hang with?
Meetings really help me. I’m not pushing it, just saying it helps. I met some great sober friends and can hang with them now… I have people to call when times get ruff. And its life, we will all have hard times. It’s just how we handle those times…
Hang in there, it will get better as long as you stay sober… One day at a time. I’m glad you’re here and let us know what’s going on. That way we can help you instead of going crazy in your head…
The past 9 months I have been surrounded by positive people and have been focusing on my hobbies completely. I’m an artist, and I just graduated college a few weeks ago. I don’t know why I have felt so numb… the things that have always brought me joy no longer make me happy. I woke up yesterday morning and I just didn’t feel right. My mind was racing and I couldn’t get the thought of using out of my mind. I knew I shouldn’t do it, but I couldn’t stop myself. I wouldn’t let myself use heroin, if I did that could never forgive myself. But I wanted to use something that would make me feel something again… and it totally wasn’t worth it. I wasn’t around anyone who pushed me to use. There are a number of factors that may have played a part in this… maybe graduating and starting a new chapter in life which can be overwhelming. I have also been taking Gabapentin occasionally to help with cravings, but my prescription ran out and I can’t get in to see my doctor until Friday. Even though I didn’t take that every day, the thought of not having it is a definite stressor. Also the recent deaths in my family. It could be a combination of all of those things. Right now I have just thrown myself into a deeper depression, and I just don’t know what to do. I called a friend and they are coming over, so that should help me get my mind off of things. Thank you for your response… it really helps to have people to talk to.
I can see how any of those could be triggers. You know what, though? Now you are aware of them, and now you remember, once again, how it feels to use. For me, toward the end, the good times I had while drinking were long gone. I drank when I didn’t veven want to - and I despised myself every time. It sounds like the fun in using is long gone for you, too.
Nine months is a heck of a long time to stay clean. You are a strong woman who learned a lot of tools during that time. Just be gentle with yourself, keep checking in here, and surround yourself with people who love you and will support the very best in you.