90 Day! Looking back

Yesterday marked my 90 sobriety birthdate! 9-5-2018. For me that date represents the day I laid alcohol down before God. I can’t remember my last drink. My guess is sometime the end of March 2018. Alcohol for me was my pain killer. I was a periodic drinker. After the death of my 1st husband I began my spiral into daily drinking. I remember the day clearly that I walked into AA. It was like God walked me in and sat me down. No fear just an awareness to take it all in. And it’s been like that ever since. At first I thought I was so different than most in the room but with each new day I can see that my vision was distorted. It doesn’t seem like 90 days, more like a year. Isn’t that weird? Time usually is flying by us, how come life is dragging during these days of recovery? As of today I am on a road where My mind is a mess. Food is out of control. My problem solving button is broken. Emotions are flying amuck. Depression is standing by closely. But I have a lot to be thankful for. #1 God never let me go! I believe He will restore me. I just have to never give up the hope that is in me. I believe He hand picked my sponsor for me and now I feel it’s time to begin moving. Step 4. I’m nervous about opening doors that I shut due to hurts I couldn’t process without alcohol. But I am going to trust God in this day.

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congratulations on 90 days that’s awesome! i always appreciate reading a message of gratitude :slight_smile: so thanks for that. keep working the steps with your sponsor like you say you are and i’m sure you’ll find some more relief sooner than later. best to you

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I’m happy to hear about your continued success, and your willingness to work through problems as they come up, even when it’s difficult. Instead you keep your gaze up and forward and keep working at it, it’s great to see. Congratulations on 90 days!

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Congratulations with your 90 days, that’s awesome! Sorry to hear about your emotional state. Are their people around to talk to? It helps me to relieve when I’m feeling like that. I also take extra vitamin D in wintertime because otherwise I get a winterblues. A kind of depression.
Take care :heart:

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@ifs thanks. One day at a time.
@SoberWalker thanks. I am trying to get to at least 2 meeting a week. Family checks in pretty much all week. I am taking so many vitamins and D is on the list. Low D can so throw ya into a depressed state. I see OB/GYN doctor today but feel doctors have dropped the ball and I think I have gotten to the point of wondering if all of this is just in my head and it’s not real. If the doctor today can take me off blood thinners I am hoping there will be something I can do to help my imbalance that might be caused from menopause. If not I am back to waiting til all this just passing.

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90 days! Congrats! These posts help me to keep moving forward. Even in tough times your still going. Only 21 days here and its sugar that’s killing me right now lol. I’ve never been one for candy or cupcakes, but now… yikes. Keep your head up!

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Congratulations on 90 days! Your commitment and gratitude shine through in your post. I, too, have to work to keep depression at bay. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to come off of my anti-depressants, and I’m finally okay with that. What I do know is that my mental health finally feels like it’s on an even keel most days. Sobriety has brought a peace and steadiness I had not know in years.

90 days found me to be an emotional mess who was eating everything in site. It gets better. Just keep doing what you are doing and moving forward with your program. Well done, you!

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@MoCatt thanks for your encouragement. How to find control? I am really afraid of antidepressants now after my last Go round with Effexor. It left me in a somewhat manic state. I think that’s why I’m afraid to seek out physiologist. Thinking that’s their main focus and not seeking out what is really going on inside. What’s working for you? How much longer do I have to hold on until things let up? Need a lil light today.

Oh heavens - Effexor is awful. It has the worst withdrawal effects of any antidepressant on the market. I took it years ago, and did not do well on it - or coming off of it.

I have taken a combination of Wellbutrin and Zoloft for about six years. Both are at a low dose and work slightly differently on brain chemistry. I found that they work much better when my poor brain isn’t constantly having to adjust to the wave pool of booze.

After 90 days? I felt better pretty quickly. I seemed to see some light and hope again, and sobriety seemed both possible and wonderful. Some ups and downs still come, but I’m in a state of contentment most of the time. Have you ever seen a counselor for depression? CBT has been really helpful for me. Might be something to explore if you haven’t already and you keep feeling low.

I’m betting you will feel an upswing soon. Please feel free to message me if you ever want to talk.:heart:

90 days of getting better at getting better!

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