A close dance with the devil

I’ve been stressed out at work and after 6 months of sobriety. I came very close to saying “F” it this evening. Feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed almost had me succumbing to temptation. After pouring the glass of wine, I sat and stared at the glass for a while. With tears flowing down my face the insane thoughts, inundated my mind and soul.
The thoughts went something like this. I need a drink, I need to chill, one glass won’t hurt, I am so weak, I can’t take it, don’t do it, you’ve come along way, you will lose everything you worked so hard for, you will disappoint many people. My inner self-critic voice actually worked in my favor for once. The end result ended with me throwing the glass on the floor with my heart racing, in a frantic state. I could feel my anxiety building and my heart pounding. The cleanup from dropping the glass gave me time to talk myself out of it and drained me emotionally. My poor dog was a bit freaked out by my bazzar behavior. His great big eyeballs staring at me helped me to calm down. The self talk that turned me around, went something like this. Don’t be a fool, if you entertain a dance with the devil you will return back to hell. I heard GOD and the Holy Spirit chirping this in my ear; I’ve taken you this far sit your crazy
tush down and pray. That’s exactly what i did and it made a huge diffrence.

Share your close encounter stories. It will make me feel a whole lot better knowing. I’m not the only knucklehead with crazy thoughts and actions. I’m going back to AA in the morning. I reached out to my sponsor, who did an amazing job talking me through this melt down. To all you AA sponsors, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for all that you do to assist vulnerable addicts. Without you many wouldn’t make it. I’m taking the day off tomorrow and turning my phone off and heading for a long hike in the mountains. In hopes of leaving these negative emotions in the mountains. TY for letting me vent.:v:

9 Likes

Wowzers sounds like you had a rough ordeal but massive congratulations.for staying strong!

Your pups eyes are so sweet to look into!
I’m really proud of you today! I experience something similarly where I almost threw it away. But you overcame! We overcame!!!
You made the right decision to call your sponser and taking the day off tomorrow! You deserve that hike. Hopefully it will clear your head and then maybe later give yourself a nice bath and face mask. Just treat yo self. Love yourself. Be proud of yourself.

Your welcome

1 Like

Its funny, I didnt think I could have close calls still. But I did. A few weeks ago, I said out loud how I remembered the week before there was still that tiny bottle of wine in the fridge I had in there for over a year now and I was surprised I thought about it. The next thing I know, its not only opened but shoved under my nose before I realized what was going on. I did not touch it but it started that alcoholic brain trying to justify drinking it for the next week. While talking to my sober buddy, after a year of hanging on to it, I FINALLY dumped it out last week and felt completely free again!

Catches you when you least expect it at times but we fought through and kept our days adding up! Super proud of you for turning that around! :heart: