I’ve been stressed out at work and after 6 months of sobriety. I came very close to saying “F” it this evening. Feeling vulnerable and overwhelmed almost had me succumbing to temptation. After pouring the glass of wine, I sat and stared at the glass for a while. With tears flowing down my face the insane thoughts, inundated my mind and soul.
The thoughts went something like this. I need a drink, I need to chill, one glass won’t hurt, I am so weak, I can’t take it, don’t do it, you’ve come along way, you will lose everything you worked so hard for, you will disappoint many people. My inner self-critic voice actually worked in my favor for once. The end result ended with me throwing the glass on the floor with my heart racing, in a frantic state. I could feel my anxiety building and my heart pounding. The cleanup from dropping the glass gave me time to talk myself out of it and drained me emotionally. My poor dog was a bit freaked out by my bazzar behavior. His great big eyeballs staring at me helped me to calm down. The self talk that turned me around, went something like this. Don’t be a fool, if you entertain a dance with the devil you will return back to hell. I heard GOD and the Holy Spirit chirping this in my ear; I’ve taken you this far sit your crazy
tush down and pray. That’s exactly what i did and it made a huge diffrence.
Share your close encounter stories. It will make me feel a whole lot better knowing. I’m not the only knucklehead with crazy thoughts and actions. I’m going back to AA in the morning. I reached out to my sponsor, who did an amazing job talking me through this melt down. To all you AA sponsors, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for all that you do to assist vulnerable addicts. Without you many wouldn’t make it. I’m taking the day off tomorrow and turning my phone off and heading for a long hike in the mountains. In hopes of leaving these negative emotions in the mountains. TY for letting me vent.