So I am supposed to go to the beach next week and I haven’t been on vacation in two years. Last year I wasted my vacation days on rehab. So one of my litter mates from rehab has a mansion on an island in North Carolina. It’s also my daughter birthday.
Here lies my dilemma, a lady in AA with me has asked can she come with us. This is supposed to be a vacation. She is on her third round with cancer and this time she has been told they can’t do anything. I don’t want to spend vacation taking care of a sick terminal patient but, she is my friend and this will probably most likely be the last time she sees the beach. Do we take her, probably ruin the trip for my kid on her birthday and spend our vacation catering to her and make this time count since it might be the end and the last time? OR do we tell her it’s just not possible and not a good idea for her to be 30 minutes from a hospital or civilization and that she shouldn’t be that far from home?
That’s a good one! Does she need 24/7 care or is she “able bodied”? Regardless, if this is truly her last trip; how great are you to give it to her? A selfless act for her last. The honor of granting a last wish. What a lesson for your daughter! That said, I’ve always taught my daughter’s that their duty is to those that can’t fight for themselves. What better a teaching moment than showing compassion…
My perspective might be different from most. I would take her. Will it ruin your vacation? Maybe. However, It could also end up being the best experience you’ve ever had and be an unforgettable life lesson for your daughter. I think it all depends on how you approach it.
What a wonderful opportunity for compassion, kindness, love and good-heartedness I’d take her and make the most of it, for, if this is her last vacation, how special it would be spent it together your daughter will learn will no doubt have much respect for you and learn from this, and grow into a kind hearted soul just like her mother
Honestly, my children would see it as an honour and so would I. We’ve never actually been on holiday aside from a few camping trips but being able to help someone in that way would make a holiday all the more special.
You’re right to consider the care aspect and whether you’re capable of managing practicalities. If I was worried, I’d ask her what level of care she will need and work out a plan to facilitate that if at all possible. It sounds as though she’s not expecting to be in full time palliative care by then though and in that case will probably be quite capable of managing her own needs
Some of the best things I’ve ever done that made the biggest impression on me is helping others, especially in their final days when they literally couldn’t do what they wanted to themselves. It does depend on the level of care she would need, if she is immobile that would be an issue but otherwise, what an honor that she wants to spend her last vacation with you, your daughter and your friends.
I would be inclined to take her. But rather than just say yes, I would enter a conversation discussing logistics of the trip. It sounds like some planning would be wise.
Just my perspective here, but I doubt that this would ruin your daughters birthday, it’s a great learning opportunity for her (depending on her age) to help someone in an unfortunate position.
Having said all of that, it’s hard to give a straight answer with limited information, but sometimes I find it’s possible to turn a situation that presents as a real dilemma into a rewarding experience (rehab for example).
Ok. It’s settled then. My friend who owns the house and I both agreed there is something nagging us both that we NEED to do this and don’t know why. There is something God is trying to show us. She is mobile with a wheelchair and the house has an elevator. I just Hope showering etc is ok for her. I am not a caregiver and one will not be going with us. Neither of us has cared for a sick person so…we shall see. But like you all said: act of compassion is a lesson to how to treat everyone to my daughter, probably this persons last trip ever and she wants to spend it with us, Step 12 alive and in the flesh.
I’m really happy that this is the decision you have come to. I would like to think that I would do the same but seen as I’m not in the position there’s no way I could say that with certainty.
I’m sure she will be very happy and extremely grateful for your decision, your a good person which is somewhat a rarity these days.
i’m really happy you decided to take her, too i had a terminally ill stepfather and would have bursted into tears just at the idea of his buddies taking him on one last ‘hurrah’. i hope you ladies have the best time!
It sounds to me like this may be the last time you will get to spend real quality time with this woman. Now imagine she passes away in the near future and you didn’t spend the time with her. I think you should have her come and make it the best vacation SHE’S ever had. You and your daughter will be happier people because of it.
I’d take her and make the most of it, for, if this is her last vacation, how special it would be spent it together 
your daughter will learn will no doubt have much respect for you and learn from this, and grow into a kind hearted soul just like her mother
