Despite the pain, life is going on. I can’t dwell on the pain again. I can’t lose myself in self-pity. So I went shopping with my sisters to keep mind of the pain without numbing myself. My stepdad left while we were shopping, so I couldn’t say a proper goodbye. I still haven’t fully realised he’s gone for at least a while. I tried to find someone to replace me at work for tonight, but no one has replied, so I’ll have to go to work anyways. I wanted an evening for myself to just be alone with my feelings. I have surprisingly not had cravings yet, I did think about gaming passively though, which is great since it means I have cravings less quickly
Hey all. Today was not very interesting or anything. I’ve been less active on here and don’t feel the least bit guilty about it, so that’s good because it means I do not feel required to be on this website like other social media I was addicted to. I will try being more active on here again because I do have a lot of advice I can share(not meant arrogantly or anything). I am looking forward to the TS zoom meeting tonight.
I do have to go to work today sadly, but my mom will bring me so I don’t rain wet(is that an English way of saying it too?).
Aliens have invaded the planet, no one’s save anymore, they are dressed like humans.
Wait a second, oops
July 12th 2020
I had a strange dream last night. I dreamed I ran into my favourite twitch streamer. We had a chat and I told him my twitch name and he remembered me. (Not surprisingly, since I gave him over €300 )
It wasn’t really a using dream, just one of those fucking random dreams. I didn’t get cravings or anything, I simply was surprised. I also dreamt I was trying to catch a big exotic duck. I eventually caught it and everything turned Minecraft, because I caught it with a Minecraft leash.
Very odd dream.
No cravings from it though.
Today I’m going to meet up with my dad. He has abused me until my parents divorced. He was estranged for about 2 years until I met him again at rehab to accept my past. Now we’re slowly rebuilding contact and he’s a changed man
They put some stuff on my molar and that’s it. Fucking mom telling me they’re gonna do some painful shit and terrifying me cause she was dentist assistant a long time ago. I’m happy it apparently isn’t serious. I will keep brushing my teeth though like any normal human being
It went great, we talked nearly 4 hours about the past, but also things that weren’t really of major importance, for example a duck we saw diving for 20 seconds each time.
I’ve always thought I hated my dad, his name was similar to Hitler, so I called him a lot of things that were Nazi related. In rehab I discovered that the hate was a mask covering my pain, my sadness. He had hurt me so much, he had terrified me. The man who was supposed to be my role model abused me. I’ve moved past that pain, I now understand why he abused us(does not make it right). This Friday evening I’m going to a restaurant with him
I don’t feel good lately. I just feel saddened. I don’t want to do anything. I feel as if I’m gaming again. No lust. No joy in the little things. I think it’s only a small bit because of my parents taking a break, because that actually took away a big part of the stress. I don’t know what the core cause is. I think it’s one of those downs that passes with time. I won’t be very active on here, I’ve been trying to help people, but I just can’t get myself to read posts
Today I’m going to the podotherapist. Don’t know if that’s the correct English naming, so I’ll just say foot doctor. Afterwards, I’m going to psychoeducation for my autism. I will cycle the 20 miles/ 30 km there and 20 miles/30 km back
It’s a podiatrist, however most people in the US just call them foot doctors. Good for you for going by bike, that’s a long distance. I hope your medical visits go well and have a great day.
Two days ago I uninstalled all games from my phone and also deleted them from my library. I decided they have no value and I should never install another game app. So far I haven’t noticed a hole in my life.
I just stayed up late to take a picture of NEOWISE 2020. I cycled 3 miles to the least light polluted place in my area. I am afraid of the dark, especially with all them drug dealers in my village. Turns out that due to neowise moving I can see it from my window. And also, my phone has a shit camera :man_facepalming
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i love this thred
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