August 2nd 2020
Got out of bed when my alarm went again. My changing sleeping schedule is so far so good. I am super tired though.
Update for yesterday
I wasn’t very active today. This morning I just sat on the couch looking around and almost falling asleep. This afternoon I looked into a third of all possible jobs in the army. I copied the URLs of the jobs I’m interested in in a word file. Turns out that I’m not allowed to do most jobs since my education is too high. I’m not even allowed to be a common soldier, very strange. My current preference is for Officer ICT or an other kind of officer for which I need to have a university ICT degree which they will pay. Also rebuild a few Lego sets. This evening I looked into where I can get my missing Lego parts cheapest.
1 Like
September 3rd 2020
Cthulhu is now in The Netherlands. His destruction is unbelievable. How could we know Russia is controlling him… Oh wait, wrong month 
August 3rd 2020
Once again got out of bed when my alarm went.
Today I’m going to do a height course with my mom and sis. I have quite some experience with them, so this should be fun
1 Like
Just watched American Sniper
My opinion including spoilers
I expected more action and less story, but this was great. The story was great, special effects also. The ending was somewhat cliché, not the part of him dying, but how they announce it. Beautiful nonetheless. Almost shed a few years and it’s been a long time since a movie was able to do that
The height course was a lot of fun. My mom got stuck a lot of times. I found that quite funny. When we went back we visited a McDonald’s.
When we got home we realised I had lost my mom’s debit card. Due to the guilt I almost relapsed on Netflix. Got my cravings back in control now
I’m on 250 days btw
My mom sold the dishwasher out of nowhere. We aren’t moving for another few months. So for a few months I will near to eat from filthy dishes and drink from filthy glasses. They get washed, but it only takes away the visible filth when you do it with hand. I always found it disgusting if something is cleaned by hand only, just because the idea, butI just poured myself a glass of water and I tasted someone’s lipbalm. Fucking disgusting. I’m very upset with my mom, but she can’t change it now so I stopped complaining and being passive aggressive. I guess I’m a bit spoiled, but I find it very disgusting.
August 4th 2020
This morning I watched the movie Extraction. Was a good movie.
This afternoon I went to the same height course as yesterday, but this time with my best friend. It was a lot of fun. Don’t recall what I did this evening since I’m actually writing this from the future 
August 5th 2020
This morning I watched another episode of the good place. Afterwards had a lot of TV cravings. I had the remote in my hands for a few minutes. Listened to podcast to get my mind off TV.
This afternoon I cycled to my psycho-education. It was crazy hot, hard wind in the face, 20 miles and I left a bit late. When I got back, again cravings for TV, listened to podcasts again.
Right before going to bed I discovered my grandpa isn’t doing well
August 6th 2020
My grandpa is probably dying. I had to go to work early since we were somehow understaffed again. But I left after 2 hours in case my grandpa asks for me. And now we’re caught up.
August 7th 2020
Good morning everyone. Got out of bed at 8 am just like I wanted to. I think I’ll be able to adapt my sleeping schedule too school in time so that I won’t constantly oversleep like usually. In my 900 days of high school, I’ve overslept probably 600 of them and about 50 times it has caused me to be late. I say no more of that nonsense and time to become responsible.
1 Like
Work was a shit show again. We were understaffed again and I once again had even more cargo than ever before. I work 3 hours. I had 3:10 worth of cargo. How in tarnation would a new employee be able to do that AND face the aisle. HOW??? I love the brand I work for, I work there whilst I could get better paying jobs at another brand, but I choose to work there. The last few shifts I was thinking about the pros and cons of resigning. I think for my mental health it may be best to resign, but I need the money if I want to invest in distractions from addiction: LEGO’s, books, Spotify, crossword-puzzles, new mtb since my chain is starting to get too damaged to be worth the repairs and it’s my main way of travel, a subscription for the gym to train for getting into the army and be more likely to work out, drivers licence will be paid for by the army just like my university, so that’s good. I think I may contact a rivaling supermarket where my best friend works. He earns more than double of what I earn. I think I may ask them for an upfront interview and that they can then notify me when there’s a position available. I sure hope that’s how it works lol, but on the other hand I don’t expect the world to bed over to hepl me
August 8th 2020
I think my getting out of bed early has a negative effect on me. I’m way less energetic and kinda worried, because I need to get out of bed way earlier to go to school. I’m feeling mediocre, maybe even down the last few days, but that is undoubtedly because of my grandpa’s health. He’s stable, but there’s nothing they can do for him. My believe that he’s immortal is fading away. He has a very bad heart. He was first supposed to die when he became 40. He has had multiple heart attacks. A heart surgery that went wrong, so his heart became even worse. He has been in 8 coma’s for a total of 6 months. He has kidney failure. He’s had and still has cancer. He has crashed very often with his tricycle(not with engine, but like a bicycle) the last few years. Docters don’t even know how the f he’s still alive with his heart being so messed up. He should have been dead for decades according to them. Yet he still cycled 100km/60miles a day, lives on his own and still paints and gardens like a young man. He’s 85.
1 Like
August 16th 2020
I’m back
2 Likes
August 17th 2020
Today is my first proper school day since November 27th last year. A new opportunity to show myself and others that I’m not a disappointment, but the opposite. This is the start of obtaining discipline for improving my life.
I’m very excited about it
2 Likes
I am finally able to buy myself some expensive shoes and I manage to make them dirty within a minute of going outside
2 Likes
Happy first day of school Dutch! Go in there proud and show em what’s up 
if you need a ride home I know where your school is so just hit me up 
1 Like
I was so excited for school and it ended up being only 45 minutes. Once I’m home, I will have been away for 4 hours for 45 minutes of school. Ugh
1 Like
Guess imma work on my website then
1 Like
August 18th 2020
Today is my first proper school day. I’m now on my lunch break and discovered that now that I have no gaming friends left, I don’t really have any friends or friends in friend groups that I’m not comfortable with. So now I’m sitting alone in the cafeteria filled with anxiety. Feeling like everyone is staring at me because I’m sitting alone. I hate that me being held back still affects me now. My bes friend was held back too, but he’s in another class and in a friend group I’m not comfortable with. I could really use some self esteem right now… Or always
2 Likes
Some guy I haven’t talked to in months just checked up on me, so that’s really nice
2 Likes
School was okay. I forgot how boring it is lol. So far it’s easy, but no doubt that will change.
Now off to work