I hope you feel better soon Jan! I’m glad at least it isn’t covid
1 Like
Speedy recovery! Great that you’re getting on with things that have been lagging behind.
1 Like
Today was a very good day, despite the fact there’s liquid snot dripping into my mouth from time to time… too much information?
School went bad because I couldn’t concentrate on my homework. But I did make room instead to be social which is very important. My physician gave me a few excercises to heal my shoulder.
As for why I didn’t brush my teeth. I felt like I was dying yesterday whilst brushing my teeth because of my fucking cold…
5 Likes
I didn’t go to school today because of my cold. Nor was I able to have my driving lesson. So I felt like doing something useful. I emptied out all of my emails on all of my google accounts. It took me 2 hours and there was tons of gaming stuff in there that was very triggering. But knowing that I don’t and won’t game I continued and got rid of all of that trash. 
It was more than 10 thousand emails lol
7 Likes
2 Likes
I feel like a loser. I got a Netflix subscription yesterday. This coming month will be horrible. And it’s my fault. I watched 2 seasons of Rick and Morty last night, ending at 4 am. My head hurts. My neck hurts. I’m in a pit of self-pity. I’m grumpy. I’m tired. And once again/still hate myself. Why did I go out of my way to relapse? I guess because I fucked up the beginning of the school year because I didn’t want to ask for schoolbooks I could borrow. I’m disappointed in myself for once again giving in to my procrastinating behaviour. I also think that PMO is a problem I have to take seriously. I wouldn’t be surprised if my unhealthy relationship/addiction played a role in my mood.
And today I cycled to school with my new bicycle. It had reviews along the lines of: “This bike is amazing”; “This bike is of great quality. Just follow the instructions and you can enjoy your ride immediately”. Well, kiss my ass, fake ass reviewers. My saddle won’t stay in the position I put it in and it slowly slides down whilst cycling making it very heavy to cycle. My front bake blocked when I suddenly had to break. My rear brake doesn’t brake at all. I had to disable my front brake because otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to move my bike at all. I luckily was very close to my school, because otherwise I would have had to cycle through a city without breaks.
But all is not lost, that I am stuck with Netflix for a month does not mean I will be in active addiction for a month. I have nothing stopping me from going to a gaming website or downloading an app. But I have not relapsed in gaming once. I did go to gaming websites and was very close to gaming a couple of times, but those instances were over a year ago. If I can create such resolve towards my greatest demon, I can do the same with it’s copycats.
6 Likes
Shit about that bike! Can you return it or have fixed within its warranty?
Can you give someone the control of your Netflix account? Like that they would change the password and the recovery address? I mean if you think the temptation becomes too much.
As for your shame and guilt… You did what you did (not borrowing books). Ifs, buts and could-haves don’t really bring anything to the table. I’m just trying to say that I hear you, I’ve been there. It’s ok. It’s gonna be ok. You’re forgiven.
2 Likes
That’s a good idea
2 Likes
And it’s done 
2 Likes
Bad, but better than I would have expected. So good I guess.
3 Likes
I wish you could get in another one of those competitions that you excel in.
Outside interests. Hard in these pandemic times. Sorry about the dang bike. Glad you shut the Netflix down. Life’s not perfect, I’m not, you’re not, but ODAAT we keep going forward and some times some steps backwards trying to do our best.
2 Likes
664 days game free
2 days recreational technology free
1 day television free
1 day no PMO
I have decided to take a new approach. Snapchat and news apps too are part of recreational technology. I don’t indulge in recreational technology. I do not PMO.
This morning has been a productive one. I went to my local gym and got a 1-year subscription. I went to the store I ordered my bike from and returned it. I went to the Mcdonalds as it was 100m/109yd from the store. So I’m happy.
6 Likes
And my cat Murdock, which we gave away, showed up at my house. So that was interesting. I wasn’t allowed to give him attention as he doesn’t live at my house anymore… but I might have given him a hug before my mom told me that 
6 Likes
I was cycling yesterday running late and this woman in front of me randomly stopped to grab her phone and I squeezed my brakes sooo hard they’re loose. Then as I was running late for something else someone jumped in front of it and I squeezed them again and now they’re a lil very soft.
Who needs breaks anyway?
1 Like
Today was the first time I had a PTSD attack and was aware of it. I always thought getting massive adrenaline rushes after an unpleasant situation was normal. But now that I’m actually talking about having PTSD with my psychologist, I’m starting to see a lot of links between previous experiences and PTSD. Today it was triggered by a man lying me to me that his alcohol wasn’t for his daughter when he had just asked her if she had enough rosé whilst I was working the register. I froze up and decided to let him buy the alcohol as I didn’t have 100% proof that the alcohol was for his daughter because I could have misunderstood him. I was afraid I’d made a mistake which triggered my PTSD even more. Interesting experience
3 Likes
22 months without gaming, not bad I suppose
11 Likes
Congratulations! That’s 1.83334 Years! Here is something for your celebration! 22.1/31 now. Hope you are ok with chocolate!
1 Like
1 Like
Cool! Congratulations for you, Jan
1 Like
Hi Jan! 
How’s it going? Busy with school?
1 Like