Why is life such an ass sometimes. Less than a week ago I heard someone had died. Today I heard that my mom’s boyfriend who has COVID is coughing up blood. He was antivax even though I told him that there’s a very small chance of getting really ill. There’s a much bigger chance of contracting COVID and getting really ill. Which he is now. I hope he doesn’t get too ill. I’m mentally fucked up enough as it is
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Sorry to hear about your mom’s boyfriend. I’ll keep him in my thoughts and prayers. My 30 yr old nephew who’s also antivax is in the hospital with covid fighting for his life. The serenity prayer is helping me. Sending you big hugs. 
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I’m sorry to hear this Jan, I’ll keep you all in my thoughts.
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I just had possible the most important EMDR session. It was about the subject that makes me hate myself most. It went really well. I feel like I’m not completely hopeless. I actually believe that I’m good enough. I even started crying because it had been so long since I thought I am good enough. This feeling probably won’t last long, but if I keep going to therapy, it might last longer each time.
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That sounds great! And I think it’s such a valuable thing to know that it is possible even if it won’t stay long at first. Change is possible. Baby steps. 
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It’s so good to hear that, I’m really happy for you.
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November 27th 2021. 2 years gaming free. Like always during anniversaries I feel like shit. Spent the entire morning watching TV. I’m in quarantine. Feeling like I’ve accomplished very little. I’m gonna have to cancel Netflix for sure. I’m considering going to rehab again during summer break if shit doesn’t get better. Not willing to put the energy into it though. I’m experiencing tons of stress from school. I’ve got a lot of assignments with tight deadlines and no one is putting any work into those assignments. It’s all on me which sucks. I’ve also got a chemistry test in 2 days. I had an F on the same test last year. Once again feel like there’s no hope. The government wants me tested before I get my driver’s license because of my autism and ADHD. With murder, it’s innocent until proven guilty. With mental illnesses, it’s heavily disabled until proven functioning. I was supposed to get tested today, but quarantine. I’m sad.
Happy 2 years 
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Keep your head up Jan, 2 years is amazing!! That’s a huge accomplishment. Try to focus on the positives instead of the negatives 
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Congrats on two years, Jan! Don’t belittle it, it’s huge! Be proud of yourself, you worked really hard to get here.
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Gefeliciteerd Jan. Weest trots. Because it really is something to be fucking proud of. Life still sucks but at least there is something going right. Right! And it’s a big something. Keep going friend. One assignment, one test, one fucking quarantine at a time.
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Congratulations on 2 years Jan! That’s an amazing accomplishment! So proud of you and how you’re dealing with life at such a young age.
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2. FRIGGING. YEARS. !!!
Even the cat compliments you!!!
I’m sorry you’re stressed, quarantined and feeling like 
However, your accomplishment is fking awesome!!! Please do something little or even silly to give yourself due credit. Stick a bday candle in a donut or something 
When you’re feeling low you’re still allowed to enjoy, if you can. I was sooo happy to read your earlier post about EMDR.
You really truly deeply undoubtedly are
good enough!!! 
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Lekker bezig Jan! Hou vol man, je bent het waard!
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Congratulations Jan! It’s a huge accomplishment and one to be super proud of! You are the one who did the hard work and had the restraint to get these two years! Be proud of yourself and do celebrate in some way! ODAAT on the rest. Or one test at a time and sometimes two when they come at once. You can do it. Apply yourself as best as you can. Taken in pieces it won’t feel so overwhelming. I guess the quarantine: lockdown may have knocked you out of the gym. Suggestion. Make a home program. There’s threads here to help. Push ups, planks, squats, walking, running, stair climbing. These are things you can do to keep yourself fit and getting fitter and the endorphins up. Smile and feel pride in yourself and what you ARE doing.
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My mom and her boyfriend broke up. He’d become overly possessive and he wouldn’t stop giving my mom gifts and telling her he misses her every single hour even though my mom told him to stop many times. Now he’s blaming me and telling everyone around him that it’s my fault. And he wants all his gifts back. My mom’s car, oven, vacuum, and other utilities. And he wants the €250 that I’ve given him back. I’ve given him a counteroffer that in not giving anything back as I got him an €80 birthday gift and I let him use Spotify for free. I said it all very politely and I’ve even wished him the best in life multiple times in that text message. I also sent him copies of the Dutch law saying basically that a gift cannot be taken back. Now he’s threatening to take legal action against me and my mom. And he’s calling me a pussy. I told him to go ahead with the legal action. I know that me and my mom have the right to keep our gifts. He just thinks that all he has to do to achieve something is sue. Even when he’s wrong. I know he will lose. I might even throw a counter slander suit in 
but I’d really have to look into that, I’m not sure how that law works.
This is stressing me out big time. Every time my mom breaks up with a long term relationship, the men blame me. It’s painful that everyone always comes to the conclusion that it’s my fault. With my dad, the real reason was abuse. With another ex, the real reason was his manipulation. With the ex in the story above, it’s his obsession with my mom. It ticks him off if I watch TV on Sunday because I should be praising God. But at the same time he wants to fuck my mom 3 times a night and live with her despite them not being married. That’s something that’s actually in the Bible as something you shouldn’t do. Why do they always blame me instead of their own flaws?!? Because I’m autistic I’m an easy target huh? I’ll show him how easy of a target I am.
I gave up my cats for that basterd.
There is a silver lining though.
I’m getting a dog 
Now I can prove myself that I’m not who I used to be
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Can’t you block him or how does he contact you? What is your mother’s part in all this. I think it’s her part to say no, shut up to him. This is not your responsibility, I think.
Stay safe and don’t let yourself dragged into some creepy game of power and manipulation. 
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In the last five hours a lot changed. I got through to him and he’s allowed me to keep the €250.
He’s apologized for his behaviour and I told him I forgave him to shut him up. So it should all be solved for me. I am feeling a lot better now
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What a situation! It’s really snotty of a grown man to blame a kid (and I mean that you’re your mom’s child even though you’re a legal adult) for a break up and to call you names. One can be an adult but not matured. I hope he sails away quietly from this point.
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I did some reflecting today. I realized that I’ve had a lot of progress. Two years ago I barely dared talking to new people. Nowadays I’m kind of turning into a social butterfly. I have almost no trouble talking to girls nowadays. Still don’t dare flirting with girls, but then again, there’s not really a lot of girls I truly like, and if I do they either have a boyfriend, are gay or they’re judgemental as fuck.
I do feel lonely sometimes though. My friendships are mostly quite shallow. And I just want to be very close to someone. I don’t want to be afraid to suggest things to my friends. Well talking about this loneliness wasn’t my original intend of this post, but now I do know I feel loneliness which I thought I didn’t. Which is a good thing.
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Today we celebrated purple Friday at Dutch schools. A day where we dress in purple to show our support to the LGBTQ+ people. At least in a perfect world it would be.
Barely any boys wore purple either because they were scared to show their support, they didn’t have any purple clothing, which was my case, or they weren’t supportive. And for the girls it was only a small chunk.
A friend of mine who recently came out of the closet to a select group of people spent the entire day in fear. Her entire class agreed that no one of them would wear purple today. Fucking disgusting.
It’s disturbing that people are so hateful towards their fellow human beings.
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