Ey guys! My name is Jade and I’ve been sober 92 days today. I’m thankful for every day. My life has improved substantially since I quit drinking. But, idk who the fuck I am any more. For the last 8 years I’ve been living in a semi-fantastic blur of drugs and booze. And I liked it. I like drinking. I like being high. I don’t think you’re supposed to say that when you’re in recovery. But it’s the truth. I started drinking when I was 17 and I didn’t plan on quitting.
Last year I had to participate in an alcohol evaluation that lead to my enrollment in a drug-monitoring program. I’m required to call a UA everyday and do a therapy session once a week. And submit three monthly reports from myself, my employer, and my therapist. For three years. Initially that pissed me the fuck off. So I made a plan. I would do get myself to a few meetings a week and appeal the recommendation on the standing that I was doing more than I was required. But I was going to keep drinking. Well, I liked AA. A lot. So I quit.
Being sober is a new adventure and I want it. I’m just not sure I’m very good at it. I dig AA meetings but most of the time I can’t get ass in gear to go and sit and listen to how wonderful everyone’s fucking lives are now that they’re sober. That’s what initially attracted me… sitting at a table full of sober alcoholics that were all happy.
From here… idk where to go. Keep being sober one day at time?
I don’t think anyone expects you to be “good at it,” from day 1. We are all works in progress.
Hell, I loved drinking too. I didn’t ever want to get off that roller coaster really. I think talking about how much you loved it (the good parts) is frowned on because you should avoid romanticizing your addiction(s). It could also potentially spark a craving in someone listening (at a meeting for example). I’m sure there are other reasons.
Anyways, welcome. It’s not always happy, but it does beat the hell out of the alternative: being a sloppy fuck up. *edit - I realize that last part came out harsh, just referring to myself, lol.
92 days - great going!
And I tend to agree with everything you say. I really enjoyed the mix of marlboro reds, coke, cold beer and vodka - and I swear if science comes up with a way of me doing it that’s healthy, I’ll be right up there at the front of the queue.
But the mf’rs started trying to kill me - so it was goodbye to cigarettes, then coke, and even my beloved booze turned on me so that’s out the window as well.
I’m heading towards 90 days myself and I’m lucky enough (one day at a time) to not want to get back on that particular merry-go-round!
I think we all loved the feeling we got while using…that’s why we did it. But playing the tape forward to the aftermath…the hangovers, hurtful things we did and said, not being 100% in the moment with clarity, money wasted, health issues, risky behavior that could hurt ourselves or others, not dealing with our issues or feelings, etc. The list of reality of addiction goes on and on. It served a purpose at one time but not anymore. This is a progressive disease and will only get worse.
Thank you all for the replies and advice. I’m loving the support and welcome this forum offers. Much love and respect to my family in recovery. I’ll take another 24.