Ok so here it goes I have a lot on my mind. I can sum up my current season of my life to a marathon race. In the beginning of the race you think you are strong and you have adrenaline pushing you forward. You are in packs and crowds that give inspiration. It is not until the 20 mile mark that everything hits you. The blisters, the craps, the fatigue and the full out pain. This is when you either quit or push on. Every mile from here on out is even harder than the last. Then it happens you see the finish line and you get a surge of energy and the crowd is cheering and you know that you are almost done. Well I’m at the 20 mile mark in my current season. I spent my 90 day sober anniversary waiting for my soon to be separated wife to come home from a party to discuss some final paperwork. Of course I got a call around 8 pm that she would be home soon or that I should just come to the party. Ah, no. By 10 pm she comes in glassy eyed and high which lead her to go to bed. I went off. Some things were said and a lot of hurtful things were said on her part. After the argument I thanked her for reminding me why I was 90 days sober which she didn’t know or even care to know. I’m the one with the problem 
. So a couple days have passed I reached out to a sober friend and continued to stay sober. The reason I was so upset is I was looking for someone else to congratulate me to validate my sobriety. Why? It’s not their journey it is mine. This is my choice to be sober. It is me that goes through the nightmares, the cravings and the depression so why do I need an outsider be happy for me. We all quit quitting or trying everyday that we wake up. We decide if we are resenting our counter or not. We decide to look at life through clears eyes and an open heart for a fellow person that understands how hard it is at times. So if I have all this control why would I give up the good part of this? The milestones the battles that are won. In the end we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and be proud of ourselves. If we fail hold ourselves accountable and try again and again whatever it takes to give yourself that wink and a smile to that brace person we see in the mirror. So with that I’m going to drop the mic. Use this topic for rants bad days good days to tell your day whatever. I wish everyone the best and pray you find the strength to stay on your journey. Thanks for reading.
That was cool. My issue is, or was my best online friend. I reached out to him on saturday night, to help me make it through my first weekend sober. For support. He ignored me. 3 days now, still nothing from him. Has not even asked if i drank or not on saturday. His silence spoke volumes to me. He does not care. Today i ended the friendship. Would have been nice to have a friends support and motivation. Oh well. Doing this for me. And i am happy for me.
I’m sorry to hear that. A good friend well basically my brother has been trying to get me to go to meetings. One day I will to build up some support during those times you have just referred to. I hope you were able to keep from drinking. Everyday you get a little stronger.
#lovebomb
I did not drink. I was up all night but did not drink. Tonight will be day 10. Double digits.
98 days and some change sober. I needed to sell my boat to cover my closing cost on my condo and it looks like I finally got a buyer. If that goes through it will help my cause. I’m also going away this weekend to hunt and fish with a sober friend that helps too. October 5 I sign my separation papers and make it official. I am dreading this day. I don’t want to sign or make it official. I don’t know how my life will be without my wife being my wife. It scares the hell out of me. My thoughts have been in overdrive and a break from the twisted mind circus would be nice. I am glad I’m sober through this but some days I want to just crawl out of my skin and into the nearest beer glass. I know I stronger then the alcohol but the mind is a tricky thing these days especially when your wife is going out to parties drinking and coming home feeling pretty good. I just had to vent that. Thanks for reading.
I’m new to this. Like literally just made the profile, and I’m kind of digging the whole forum. I’ve never tried this in my many attempts to get sober. I like it. See if have an issue with getting people’s positive feedback from when I’m doing well , helps me out a little too much if that makes any sense.I need to be okay with just me being Happy and proud of myself.
If it is one thing I have learned through my sobriety journey is only you really know the truth. Some people will say yeah you have a problem but take a break and just pace yourself. Some will say alcoholics drink all day everyday I don’t think you have a problem. Then there are your cheerleaders that will be there for you in the first couple months then they figure you are ok so they don’t pay attention anymore. When everything is said and done only people with addiction problems know what it is like and you. This is a great place to talk, read stories, give support and get support. Here I feel I can be myself. I don’t have to explain my drinking or do I need labels. I just need people to listen and to know I’m not alone. Explore some of the threads get to know people. There are people from all over the world here to help. Welcome.
Here We are not alone,a big hug
Thank you so much! I’ve slacked a few days now because I’m looking for work! And I actually just had an interview about 40 miles away from my home, but it’s a good job. I will hear something back by the weekend! I really hope I got it, it will bring more confidence to me about having this all work this time!!
105 days sober and I’m 3 days away from my separation is final. As the day grows closer so is my anxiety and fear. How does one move on from life he doesn’t what to leave or never got a chance to finish. So many things that are left unfinished and unsaid. I am doubting that I’m a good person or a good dad. The anger is tearing me up inside mainly because I don’t know where it belongs. Looking back on my life it is almost like I threw a hand Granade in the middle of it and just blew it up. Right now in my life sobriety is the only thing I can control. It is mine and only mine. No one else can force me to stay sober or to throw in the towel but me. I watch my counter go up and instead of a sense of accomplishment I feel nothing but failure in every other part of my life. My house that we built is a prison that constantly reminds me life as I know it is done. My boat we restored together makes me sick to my stomach to even look at. I’m hoping an interested buyer will take it off my hands. My anger keeps me from being truly present with my kids. I’m not even living my own life. I don’t fit in anywhere. My wife, our old friends, her family, my family, and the life we built no longer includes me. I have a few great friends that are supportive but at the end of the day laying in the dark spare room of the house I’m left with the racing thoughts of things I can change. I’m wearing out emotionally and physically. I what to just stay in bed while the world continues to rotate without my contribution. I don’t want to drink or medicate but I don’t want to feel the hurt and abandonment anymore. Lost and not sure what I will find at the end of this season. I miss my wife more then anything and I miss me. I miss knowing what I wanted out of life. Thanks for reading thanks to everyone for all your support. You have no idea how your stories and advice have kept me strong in my weekest parts of my life.
@kjm
I can see what you’re getting at I think.
It’s important to feel pain instead of using substances to numb emotions.
Apparently learning to sit with your emotions is an important part of the recovery process.
