A sad Sunday night

A couple weeks ago before I joined this community I was going to message a somewhat random friend (friends through friends) who was on my fb to ask about local AA meetings. Instead I messaged my dad as he’s been well into recovery for years and we hardly talk, so what a better way to reconnect.

Long story short I still haven’t stepped foot into a meeting and as I held a beer in my hand tonight…feeling guilty for it but still doing it, I scrolled Facebook and found the guy I was going to message, overdosed today. It was like someone hit me with a ton of bricks.

I have so many friends gone from overdoses. My own spouse is literally withering away from his drinking. My family (as a child) fell apart from drinking, I also was abused due to it.

I still just can’t find the will power I had in January that drove me to just quit cold turkey.

I think im going to explore na beer because beer is my weakness. I just hate how overpowering alcohol and drugs in general are.

I’m also just word vomiting by this point…I’m uncomfortable. I know what I want but for some reason I can’t reach it.

The event of the Facebook friend has made me want to be more open about my struggle though- in hopes that maybe it someone (im in a town with a huge addiction problem) would reach out if they needed to, but I also am at a point where I can’t reach past a week anymore so does it make me a hypocrite?

This has been a long exhausting day. :pensive:

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We need each other to maintain our sobriety. Yet we do have to put in the work ourselves. You’re not a hypocrite. I think na beer is not a great idea because it will keep the connection to beer alive. But that’s just me. You do you. Keep going and hang int here. Hugs.

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Hi Amber! I’m sorry you are going through this. These addictions kill, some quickly, some more slowly. Please get to a meeting in person or zoom. You need help, and you need to help yourself before you can help others. Willpower typically doesn’t work. Rooting for you.

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I think you have reasons right here. What is going to happen to your family if both your spouse and yourself drink? Do your kids deserve this? Even if you’re not abusive to them and tell yourself its better than you had as a child - do they deserve numbed out parents who are always thinking of their next drink, looking forward to checking out of reality as their reward and means to cope with a stressy day instaed of engaging with them, play and teach them? And what example do you set for them? How did mommy deal with stress, money issues, fights with dad. Oh yeah, they drank it all away.
I wasn’t raised in an alcoholic household, but in an angry, unstable, neglectful one. You pass this shit on to children for the rest of their lives. Think about it.

If you want to get sober, and think of the life you deserve and the people you put on this world deserve, dude, get off of Facebook and google AA in your area or go on intherooms.com! there’s just no external reason why you’re not in the program yet. None. You cling to the drink cos you’re an alcoholic and you don’t wanna give it up. Like we all here. You know what the right thing is. And you have a lot of ppl on there who can testiment life, family life, partnership will be better.
Yeah it’s hypocritical to offer help to addicts on Facebook when you’re not sober. Just get to work, look after yourself, get going. Then in a while, with some experience, there’ll be opportunities for you to help others. Like on here and also in real life AA and wherever. Right now you’re just distracting yourself with

from the fact that you yourself are the one with the problem. Get help yourself!

Get more involved here to begin with if you’re scared to go to AA. so much wisdom and knowledge and connection on here.

Best of luck!

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I used to say this same thing until I finally looked in the mirror and realized I was doing the same. I had to stop pointing fingers at others and point that finger back at me. I now live by the saying. “My recovery must come first so that everything I love in life doesn’t have to come last.” It sickens me now to think about how long I put drinking and drugging ahead of my daughter. Our children deserve better and we’re the only ones that have that control.

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Maybe try a meeting see how you feel, the will help and people there will understand were you are now they have all been there wish you well

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You have to really want it for yourself, whats the best or worse move you could make? Can get the help you need, get sobered up, go to a meeting, or continue doing what your doing, poisoning our bodies with drugs an alcohol really only gets us closer to the end for sure all cold dark and lonely places. Id suggest not relying on will power never worked for this alcoholic, let others be of assistance follow those who have experience with staying sober, you can get better, be free and happy like you deserve. I wish you well, take care, God bless.:pray:

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