I grew up in a trailer park in Central Jersey. As a kid, I became acquainted with addiction as I witnessed the lives of the adults surrounding me. I also watched their addictions pour into the blood of their children, some at the expense of life itself.
My mother has been a lifetime alcoholic. I watched her break many bad habits including various forms of speed, yet she still maintains a fictitious grip on her relationship with alcohol.
The events leading up to my mother’s addiction were catastrophic to say the least. I left for the military only to eventually find out that my sister was being sexually abused by my mother’s boyfriend of 9 years. My mother’s guilt caused her to lose her job as she ran away from our family, only to find her in an assortment of motels infamously known to be “user hang-outs”. I don’t really need to comment on the shape in which we would find her, but your imagination is absolutely justified by its reach.
For years I felt like a horrible brother, thinking back to the moments my sister would beg me to hang out with me and my friends as I left the house. “Nobody wants to hang out with their little sister,” I selfishly put it as I would dash out the door in excitement to get stoned and flirt with girls. I continue to apologize to her as long as I have breath in my lungs, sometimes under that very breath.
As for my mother, she plans her day around when she would catch a buzz. One glass full of cheap vodka and the other glass full of some chaser. It was only through her that I realized where I was headed, as my daily regimen of hard liquor consumption began to consume me.
My use was complicated. I could range anywhere from one shot to spending the next day denying I had a hangover, or completely out of the game. Then I began to experience the occasional blackout. Nothing scared me more than the thought of losing complete control over myself and not remembering. My sober streak use to be an itchy 4 days if I was pretending to be serious.
I’m about 15 days liquor free and sober. I believe I was truly ready to quit when I started this journey, even more so now as I write this.
Peace and Love.
You are an inspiration to the uninspired that’s for sure. Wow, what an amazing, honest, hard core and truly heartbreaking short bio. I commend your ability to just put it all out there for others to read.
15 days is 14 more than seems possible but you’ve made the right choice and are on the right path.
Keep it up my friend.
One day at a time.
Go to a meeting and share your pain.
I’ll keep you in my prayers.
Peace brother.
thank you so much for sharing your story 
i’m really proud of you.
Don, you weren’t being selfish. You were being normal. You didn’t know. Only a good person recognizes guilt. Good people have guilt. You are caring and thoughtful. I hope your sis sees it in you. From one Jersey boy to another, wishing you continued strength
Thank you for sharing. Sending peace to you … and congratulations on 15 days.
Great share dude.
You can do this!
You can do this! We are here for you.
I appreciate all the positive vibes. You rock 