A Spiritual Principle A Day / Daily Meditation

Motivation
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123

7 DECEMBER

Keeping Our Minds Open to Learning

Staying open‐minded and teachable about our basic principles allows our understanding to deepen and mature.

—Guiding Principles, Introduction, “In This Book”

Many of us go through a phase in early recovery in which we experience what some call “Peter Pan syndrome.” Like the fictional character who refuses to grow up, some of us set out to have the happy childhood that addiction stole from us. Making up for lost time may be a natural response to the new freedom we enjoy. The laughter and fun we share with other members is a big part of what keeps us coming back at any stage of recovery. But like so many things, we can take Peter’s approach too far, refusing to act responsibly or to mature in our recovery.

As we accumulate both age and cleantime, it can be a shock to realize that new members have us in mind when they refer to “our predecessors.” A member shared, “I stick by my definition of ‘oldtimer’ as anyone who’s clean at least five years longer than me. At some point, I noticed that I fit that description for others and that they looked to me for mentorship. I felt the need to know more and do better, so I started a Traditions study to help me live up to the predecessor label.”

Also like Peter Pan, some of us might resist the idea of maturing, or we may reject the idea of pursuing a deeper understanding of our principles because we think it sounds, well, dull. Either stance might be an excuse for a closed mindset. Likewise, “This is the way we’ve always done it” doesn’t exactly invite discussion or allow for the exploration of varying perspectives.

Remaining teachable and open‐minded, on the other hand, allows us to consider different perspectives through reading, discussion, and contemplation. With our minds open to learning more about our guiding principles, we often find new applications in our lives in and out of NA, as well as for our groups and in service. A member shared, “Before I really understood them, I viewed the Traditions as a rigid set of rules. I didn’t grasp that by protecting us from our worst impulses, they create the conditions for creativity and freedom in service to NA.”

I will remain teachable, keeping my mind open to understanding our Traditions on a deeper level. As I mature in recovery, I will consider my responsibility to mentor others.

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8 DECEMBER

Autonomy for Ourselves and for Others

Allowing our partners and ourselves to experience personal autonomy means we can grow and change at our own pace . . .

—Living Clean, Chapter 5, “Romantic Relationships: the courage to trust”

Being a member of NA gives us plenty of chances to learn about relationships. For most of us, that starts with a sponsor and a home group, both of which offer lessons about autonomy. Every sponsor in NA, after all, eventually gets the opportunity to tell a sponsee, “Well, you’re going to do what you’re going to do, so . . .” Whether that comes from a place of loving acceptance or frustrated sarcasm—or a mix of both—our sponsors affirm that we are responsible for our own recovery. (And our consequences.) When we’re ready, we’ll change. And, as we often say, that might mean when we’ve had enough pain, we’ll change.

The same is true in our groups. We offer one another experience, strength, and hope; the choice of whether to accept what is offered belongs to each of us as individuals. “Honestly, I was getting really tired of a home‐group member who kept sharing about the same thing all the time,” a member shared. “I got tired of being annoyed, so I just let it go and gave them space. Months later, they had a breakthrough and began to change. Today, we’re very close. I was so glad I didn’t have to wait for their breakthrough in order to feel better myself!”

The ability to keep our own pace and allow others to keep theirs is valuable in all of our relationships, including romantic ones. Whether or not our spouses or significant others are in recovery, a sign of an honest relationship is not being in 100 percent agreement on everything. It makes sense to experience discomfort in our relationships when we have differences of opinion, differing values, or different levels of willingness to practice principles. Practicing autonomy means knowing what we need to hold on to and what we need to let go of. If the answer to that isn’t obvious, we can look to our group and our sponsor for guidance.

I will practice autonomy by taking responsibility for my own life and recovery and allowing others the space to do the same.

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125

9 JANUARY

Participation, Service, and the Seventh Tradition

As a member of an NA group, we take part in developing a conscience about how the group will meet its responsibilities and participate in the life of the larger Fellowship.

—Guiding Principles, Tradition Seven, “For Members”

Who among us hasn’t felt like a victim of our circumstances at some point? In active addiction, we may have made an art form of blaming outside forces for our problems. It’s true that some situations beyond our control cause undue hardships or difficulties, but we have choices available to us now. Recovery teaches us to actively participate in a solution, beginning with taking personal responsibility for our actions and participating in the program of NA.

We also take responsibility for the Fellowship by participating in the discussions and decisions affecting our groups and service bodies. Each of us has to determine for ourselves—in consultation with our Higher Power and our sponsor—what level of participation feels right for us. “I noticed that when I participate less and have less information,” a member recalled, “the more I think in terms of ‘us’ versus ‘them.’ When I step up my participation, I feel like it’s all ‘us.’” There’s a reason we often talk about service as part of Tradition Seven, not just the money we give. When we give our time through active participation, we are practicing a form of self‐support. According to one addict, “Recovery is not a spectator sport. We get out of it what we put into it.”

The practice of participation we learn in NA tends to show up in other areas, too. In our families, in our work—the more we participate, the more we feel that we are part of, our voices matter, and our needs are considered. We are not just victims of circumstance anymore; we actively participate in solutions.

When I passively observe life, service, and recovery, I’m short‐changing myself. Today I will show up and participate.

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126

10 JANUARY

Waking Up to Service

Being of loving service is living spiritually. First we take, then we give, then we share.

—Living Clean, Chapter 3, “Creative Action of the Spirit”

In Narcotics Anonymous, we arrive to find ourselves the most important person in the room. For a lot of us, that notion is terrifying, but some of us enjoy the rock‐star treatment.

We grab a white keytag and do a victory lap for thirty days in a row—including weekends. We share in every meeting until the timer goes off (every time), wondering aloud what the hell we are doing here with “all you people . . . no offense.” We dazzle our fellows with our theory of the difference between humility and humiliation. They must like what we have to say, ’cause they tell us, “Keep coming back.” We find a sponsor and bend his ear with a detailed account. “Sponse” picks us up at the recovery house and buys us a meal after the meeting. He doesn’t say much, but he’s definitely listening!

As our status as the most important person melts away and our keytag color changes to orange, Sponse suggests we listen more instead of talking so much, take meeting commitments that don’t court attention, and reach out to newcomers. We get a blue six months clean, and we ask our sponsor about doing H&I. “Good idea” is his response. We think he’s pleased about our initiative, even though he says nothing about it. Our bravado shifts. We get some high‐fives and tighter hugs from members who acknowledge how well we’re doing. That feels undeniably good, but showing up for other addicts feels even better.

Our story continues. We glow in the dark at one year and are black‐and‐gold at two. Our commitment to service deepens. We are invited to participate in our recovery, to share our experience, strength, and hope. We start to have this strange new feeling that we can’t quite put our finger on. Over dinner—on us this time—we try to articulate the feeling to our sponsor: “It’s something about being of value, maybe a little gratitude thrown in . . . ?” We struggle to find the words.

“Hmm,” says our sponsor. “Sounds like you might be waking up.”

Today I will ask, “How can I be of loving service?” I will listen to the answer and take action because this is how I want to live.

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11 JANUARY

Striking an Emotional Balance

We need to strike a balance between being in denial of our feelings and letting them overwhelm us; we don’t want to go to either extreme.

—NA Step Working Guides, Step Ten, “Feeling versus Doing”

“Feelings aren’t facts, but it is a fact that we feel,” a member shared, as many have. “And in recovery, our actions matter more than our feelings.”

We hear some version of these bumper stickers in meetings pretty often. Doing the “right” thing, even when that action contradicts how we’re feeling, is certainly a shared value among many members. But should we just leave feelings unexpressed—especially those that come with a lot of baggage, such as anger, fear, and shame? Nope. Consciously or not, we’ll eventually let those feelings seep out, weaponizing them against ourselves or others.

Striking a balance between suppressing our feelings and being emotionally overwhelmed doesn’t look the same on all recovering addicts. Many of us are emotional projectiles; anything will set us off, and anyone in our path will also feel the burn. For others, avoidance is our strategy—we’d rather deny, deny, deny.

And while it’s true that we should take caution when letting our emotions drive our actions, we should not deny that feelings are real. They are also temporary, which is why other members may suggest we take a pause, breathe, scream into a pillow, and/or talk about how we’re feeling with another addict.

Seeking emotional balance is a practice, not a state of being we arrive and stay at. As with all aspects of recovery, there’s no perfect way to negotiate and monitor our practice of emotional balance. We aren’t self‐programming robots that can curate a perfectly authentic set of emotions that don’t swing too far in any unreasonable direction. Lucky for us and those around us, we are clean, and we can lean on the tools of NA to help keep us from imploding or exploding.

I will make a practice of expressing my very real feelings in a productive way and not letting them force my actions.

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i had the little mental reminder “act better than you feel” going through my head a lot the past couple days during a little morning pep talk hah. i think it helped.

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12 JANUARY

Forgiveness and the Amends Process
We forgive ourselves, we forgive others, and we find peace—regardless of what others may think or feel or tell us.

—Living Clean, Chapter 5, “Amends and Reconciliation”

Many of us want to skip ahead to Step Nine and apologize to those we’ve hurt in hopes of receiving their forgiveness. We desperately want to shed some of our guilt and shame. We may be convinced that getting others to forgive us would provide a shortcut to feeling better about ourselves. We’re reminded that the Steps are in order for a reason and that making amends has more to do with changing our behavior than offering apologies. Despite the urge to find a shortcut and get an early payoff, we surrender to the wisdom of experience. We work our way through the first eight Steps before attempting to right the wrongs of our past.

The gift of time prepares us for the amends process. “I’d be lying if I told you that I wasn’t hoping to be forgiven,” a member recalled. Despite this longing, we focus on clearing out our wreckage and amending our behavior. Some people may never forgive us, but we can forgive ourselves nevertheless. The road to self‐forgiveness starts with our commitment to working the Twelve Steps. In doing so, we establish a new way to live. We focus on the things we can change, namely ourselves.

Over time, new, healthy behavior brings a sense of peace to our spirit. Forgiveness is not a finite process—the more we give, the more we seem to get. “As I forgive, I grow in love and compassion and I move forward on my spiritual journey,” one member shared. Our actions solidify our commitment to Narcotics Anonymous and to ourselves. We become less concerned about who acknowledges our growth or how our amends are received. We revel in the peace we’ve found within and offer up a little more forgiveness to ourselves and the world.

Today I will allow the Steps to shape my choices and behavior. I will enjoy the peace I find in this new way of life and reach for more as I practice forgiveness with myself and others.

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130

14 JANUARY

Discerning When to Act

We learn where we can use our energy to make a difference and where we need to let go.

—Living Clean, Chapter 3, “Awakening to Our Spirituality”

Life in active addiction for many of us seemed like a battle: picking sides, winners and losers, retreating in fear from all conflict, or bullying to get what we wanted. We tend to bring this mindset with us in recovery. Some of us confront and challenge more than we engage and listen. One member shared, “I brought a sledgehammer to all my relationships. I felt it was my duty to pound my perspective into every discussion. Choosing my battles was a cop‐out.”

As we mature in our recovery, examining our behavior through stepwork, most of us will figure out that “we” in NA doesn’t really mean “me, plus all who agree with me.” When we say the “we” version of the Serenity Prayer in our service bodies and in business meetings, we’re inviting discernment into the proceedings. We ask for courage, acceptance, and wisdom to guide us. Instead of approaching service meetings like gladiator games, we concentrate on cultivating enough humility to appreciate and learn from each other. We gain trust in others and become less invested in getting our way. We apply this newer mindset in all relationships.

We can also tie the Serenity Prayer to discernment in terms of prioritizing our time and energy. We can discern where our efforts would be best focused to change the things we can, accept what we can’t, and let go when others want to make a different change than we do. We can ask ourselves whether we’re getting too caught up in minor details rather than paying attention to the big picture and where we can make a positive impact.

“Sometimes the most discerning choice is to say nothing, step away, and let others step up,” the member went on. “At other times, honest self‐assessment will lead me to choose a particular ‘battle.’ But now I try to approach a conflict in my life with spiritual principles in my arsenal and forego the sledgehammer.” This strategy can apply to so many realms within our lives: sponsoring, parenting, romantic relationships, in our jobs, while driving, and, of course, in NA service.

Not everything is battle‐worthy. Where can I apply my energy today so that I am contributing to the well‐being of others? What situation can I pull back from that isn’t benefiting me or anyone else?

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19 JANUARY

Contributing Our Creativity

Some of us discover that we have talents for contributing to the world in other ways, whether through our creativity, our empathy, or our addict ability to focus on one thing and do it ’til it’s done.

—Living Clean, Chapter 1, “A Vision of Hope”

In NA, we often recall how drugs ruined our lives and how our innate talents were ultimately no match for our disease. When we were using, however, many of us believed that the drugs we used were fundamentally responsible for the positive contributions we made to our lives. Drugs allowed us to be confident about expressing ourselves socially, artistically, and sexually. They helped us fall asleep at night and wake up in the morning so that we could be there for our kids after work and before school. Using gave us laser‐sharp focus and heightened our productivity at work, which pleased our employers and soothed our insecurities. Still, we eventually came crashing down. As one member put it, “I thought I was high functioning, but it turns out I was just high.”

When we first get clean, we are terrified that our performance will suffer and we’ll disappoint others. With no drugs, we believe we are no longer creative beings or we’re talentless hacks who never were. We doubt we’ll be able to function, let alone complete projects on a deadline. Will our families still love us, because, surely, we’ll be less easygoing and fun? And what about sex?

As we heal, we begin to understand that the deep well of our creativity, our empathy, and our focus comes from developing a more honest relationship with ourselves and a connection to a Higher Power. We learn to acknowledge and release—even a tiny bit—our need for perfection and validation. Our expectations of ourselves become more realistic, and that gives us more integrity in how we contribute to our lives. We refocus the wasted energy we spent comparing ourselves to others toward being of service to fellow addicts and to our loved ones. And we may even discover new talents and abilities we never knew we had.

I know I have something to offer the world. If I don’t know what it is, I’m willing to ask for help to find out. If I already know, let me seek guidance on how to deliver it with humility and generosity.

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20 MARCH

Self‐Support Beyond the Basket
When we see that we can meet our own needs, we start to feel like we have a future.

—Guiding Principles, Tradition Seven, Opening Reflection

Active addiction was a dead‐end circuit of dependence: our reliance on dope, on the lifestyle, on that person to front us some cash one last time so we could get on our feet. We took without giving. We talked without listening. We made a lot of promises but came through on very few, if any, of them. We couldn’t see a way out or a future for ourselves— until we got clean and began our journey toward self‐support in recovery.

When we consider self‐support as a spiritual principle of Tradition Seven, we think mostly of giving money—or contributing our time—to make sure a group can survive. But an NA group exists because it’s made up of members who are practicing self‐support in their own lives. In recovery, we learn to invest in ourselves and take care of our own needs. Instead of utter dependence on others, we look inside to find a well of strength and resources.

We also take personal responsibility in situations where before it seemed that we were incapable of doing so. In fact, making our contributions to NA demonstrates our capacity and willingness to engage in self‐support. We are investing in ourselves through our recovery community, participating in keeping the doors open for those who come after. This support of others keeps us aloft, keeps us going.

Self‐support isn’t something we practice alone. When we talk about taking care of our own needs, it doesn’t mean we’re self‐sufficient. It means we’re engaging the support we need. We can turn to our friends, a sponsor, our Higher Power—all of which are elements of self‐ support. We are an integral part of that system, too. Because we’re meeting our own needs, others can finally rely on us.

I will practice self‐support today by giving and receiving. If I stay on this path, I’ll sustain the hope for a future I thought I’d never have.

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Self support is a biggie for us, and I witnessed a beautiful expression of it the night before last. My sponsee and her partner, who celebrated their first year clean, paid for everyones dinner. What a wonderful feeling it was for them to be able to do that, one year after blowing 3xs the amount dinner cost a night on crack. I am grateful for the program of Narcotics Anonymous and I am grateful for self-support. :heart:

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21 MARCH

Surrendering Our Reservations
In ridding ourselves of all reservations, we surrender. Then, and only then, can we be helped to recover from the disease of addiction.

—Basic Text, Chapter 4, “Step One”

We reserve a place for relapse when we keep a mental list of reasons that might justify using. We can tell they’re a problem because we defend and protect them. Our reservations reveal our doubts. Can we stay clean through the death of someone close, a breakup, a job loss, or any major life change?

As we watch other members walk through significant hardships and stay clean, we think maybe we could do the same. Seeing others choose to use when faced with unfortunate circumstances makes us wonder if they had held onto their reservations. We want to continue to recover, so we do our best to root out and surrender our reservations.

As we stay clean, we may find some reservations still lingering. The truth is that we can’t predict what challenges will arise. We never know what’s going to happen or how we’ll feel about it. This is a program for living, and challenges are bound to arise.

Surrender is just as crucial with some cleantime as when we were new. Eventually, we understand the value of surrendering our reservations to the best of our ability, and then surrendering some more when new issues come to the surface. Ongoing surrender gives us the best shot at recovering from this disease. We come to a place where we understand that no matter what experiences life may bring, none of them would improve if we were to use again.

I will keep surrendering reservations as they crop up and use the tools of recovery to stay clean despite life’s challenges.

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When I did my first set of steps I had some reservations. They sounded like, if my daughter died I dont know if I could stay clean if my parents died I dont know if i could stay clean. Over the last 3+ years I have been building such a strong support system and exposing myself to such a massive amount of other addicts in recovery who have gotten through horrific events and stayed clean that my reservations have been wiped away. I have no reservations today, I know that I would be able to stick to my program with the support of the community and I know I can get through anything clean if I keep doing the work. :heart:

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I’m loving this book! Thank you again!
At my Monday night ladies meeting, we volunteer to do readings. After we read, we share and then open the meeting for discussion. I already have a few picked out from this book. I’ll definitely be volunteering more often. It will be refreshing for our group to hear some new stuff. Love you! :heart:

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So happy to hear that you love it. I love you and congrats again on your 4 yrs of back to back days. You inspire me. :sparkles: :heart:

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