A Week In and Here's Some Thoughts

I’m a week in. Technically 8 days in and day 9 in five minutes. Second time in six months. 3rd longest break from alcohol I’ve had in a year. Soon to be the longest break I’ve had in five years.
Every night I thank everything bigger than myself for giving me the strength to make it this far. I have had moments where I would LOOOOVE to come home and have a beer or go get a drink with dinner. I’ve learned to love Diet 7Up, dairy free ice cream and water so much more.
My new medication is working great for my anxiety. Tonight I’m a little irritated but I’m gonna blame that on PMS.
I miss the idea that I could have a drink and relax. But, thinking back on it, it’s been over 4 years since I could do that.
I don’t wake up thinking about alcohol. I never did. I didn’t think about it all day. I didn’t crave anything or get shaky. I just knew it as a way to come home and relax. Very pavlovian. Step in the door after a long day, start drinking.
I never got out of hand or sloppy. Some times, if I let things to me with my anxiety and stress and build up I would get a little emotional. But I have never been a bad drunk.
Growing up knowing what a bad drunk looks like I know the features. It wasn’t until I realized that, yes I might not be a problem drinker, my drinking might be the problem. I don’t want my son to have his earliest memories of mommy always having a drink in her hand or needing special juice to calm down. I don’t want to hide the fact that I drink in plain sight from my husband because he doesn’t drink and I’m the one that’s judging me not him judging me.
I like being sober. Do I miss a nice glass of scotch on the rocks or a good ol fashion? Fuck yes I do. But do I like knowing I can relax and enjoy my time in the evenings with my little family without alcohol? Fuck yes.
May I be blessed with another night of sounds sleep and another day sober.

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You sound alot like me :blush: good work. Keep it up. So did you never binge drinking? Or?

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This is so much like me. We’ve just learned to live with the fact that we will get these thoughts, cravings, urges every now and then. But it’s not us anymore.
Well done keep it going. You are doing great work.
Over a year now, I’ve faced all the normal things that I would do throughout the year, Birthday, Christmas X2, death, arguments. And it’s all gone great.
Well done.

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Thank you for your encouragement! I’m trying hard this time around.
I used to binge drink in college at parties and things. As I got older I never really did. Again maybe a party one a year but I was more of a high tolerance drinker. I could get a buzz going and just keep it going through my night. I would drink every night though. I didn’t feel comfortable without it for a long time. Mostly after I lost my sister 4 years ago.
I would drink a pint of straight alcohol or beer every night and drink slowly but that’s more than most people drink in a week or two. I could also be happy with just a beer at dinner. I just craved a relaxing moment from my anxiety and depression. Which in the end would only name it worse really.

Thank you so much for your encouragement and words. It is so nice to know that not everyone I meet that decides to stop drinking isn’t a binge drinker or only black out drinker. Sometimes, you just know you don’t need it.

Sounds like you were self-medicating to deal with stress from the day. Now you have the medication for the anxiety. You just have to add more healthy habits to deal with stress. Are you in a 12 step program? I am now but what really helped with my anxiety was a program called Recovery International. It just never did anything for my addictive behaviors. I wish you good luck on your journey.

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I can very much relate to you regarding depression and anxeity. Im the same at that point. Though i did only drink once a week or one every second depended on things happening around me though it would be binge drinking everytime, mostly at home alone. And sometimes i would go out alone after a few beers feeling i could do anything. Which i couldnt ended up doing something stupid or couldnt remember how i got home. Soo after i got my bf i really saw how wrong it all had gone, hiding beer in every cabinet and finding excuses for drinking or so. But he gave me an ultimatum, which i unfortunately have broken a couple of times- he is still here thank god and im in antabuse making a change saving my life and all the good things i have. You can do this and be very welcome to pm me if you ever need a chat of encouraging words, i know i need sometimes. :heart:

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