So, I’m on day 371. I’ve waited to make this post for a particular reason. Although technically the year was up I actually gave up drinking after last years Champions League Final. I’d consumed almost a litre of gin by myself, had fallen down the stairs in my house a lot that night and had the worlds worst hangover for a week. The Champions League Final this year was yesterday. One of my very first posts here was this:
Well done, I love it here, reading messages of how everyone is getting on in their lives. For me I can’t wait to be in that place. A huge trigger for me is a sunny Saturday afternoon with nothing to do other than watch a game of football. Nice with a couple of cold beers or some gin. Until I’ve blacked out again. Anyway, can’t wait until I’m at the stage I can enjoy a Saturday with the game totally sober! (Jun 2018)
Well, I’m in that place! Yesterday was seriously a huge test for me. This time last year I couldn’t imagine enjoying the game sober. I didn’t realise at the time but it was the anticipation of being drunk that I used to crave. Not the physical act of drinking it was the THOUGHT of being drunk beforehand. I had no idea how much I romantacised being drunk. I didn’t drink and watch football because I enjoyed a nice glass of gin, or wine or beer, they always tasted like shit but I enjoyed the thought of being drunk, being out of control, not being myself. I used watching football as an excuse to get drunk, not because it enhanced the match in anyway at all.
I’ve learnt over this past year that it’s ok to be me, life, reality, my own sense of ego is actually pretty good, alcohol doesn’t make anything better, I don’t need to escape reality in order to feel fulfilled in life. I’ve never felt healthier, I sleep better, I’m a nicer person to be around. When I was drinking I had such a short shitty temper at times, I mean just all the time not just when I was drinking. I’d fly off the handle at the slightest thing. Now, I feel good, really good.
I can’t believe that from about 16yrs old every single year there have been days of my life lost through blackouts, days where I’ve felt ashamed to go out in case I see someone from the night before and I was a total drunken arsehole to them. I’ve now had a whole year and not felt that once. It’s such a liberating feeling.
For anyone that’s a binge drinker, that feels like it’s a never-ending cycle and you can’t break that habit. You can, I promise you. If me, who would think nothing of drinking a bottle vodka to himself on a Saturday, alone every weekend can do it you can too. Stay strong people.
🤦
. Thank you, it’s lovely to feel a part of something.
