Aaand I'm back! Again


#1

Been on and off this forum for about a year now. Last week I managed to pretty severely injure myself and break a bone while tipsy and riding my bike. It’s crazy what addiction does to our brains. Sober, intelligent, reasonable me would never do something like that. But once alcohol is mixed up in there who knows what I’ll do. I’m lucky nothing worse happened to me or anyone around me.

If this isn’t a slap in the face from my higher power I don’t know what is. So many bad things have happened in my life because of alcohol but this is by far the worst. I harmed my actual body, this thing I walk around in all day long, that I was already harming and poisoning but this is a whole other level. Doctors say recovery will take about 3 months, which means I can say goodbye to summer. I also had to fly home (I live and work out of state) and am staying with my parents for as long as I need to. I’m blessed to have my family’s support during this time, but it’s so so frustrating because I can see what a long road is ahead of me. I’m a very independent person and losing that is taking its toll.

The silver lining in this is an opportunity for serious progress in my recovery. I’m on pain medication, my body is healing itself, I’m living with family, I can barely do anything on my own… all things that make drinking difficult if not impossible. If I want to get better as quickly as I can that means putting good things in my body not poison. My environment, the support, these circumstances… I feel like this is my moment.

I’m almost 11 days sober. Havent reached that number since February. It’s been easy not to think about it because my body has been in trauma/survival mode. It’ll probably be easy while I’m here at home. What im scared about is after. Once I heal, once I go back to my old life. So I know I need to do as much work as I can while I have this time to think, heal, recover to make sure this isn’t something that slips away from me. At least I know I’ll have a good excuse “sorry I’m not drinking anymore, when I drink I get clumsy and I don’t want to hurt my arm” hehe

One day at a time though. I want so badly to find a meeting here to go to and talk to people. But im also hesitant because I’m in my hometown and don’t want to risk seeing anyone I know/my family knows. So for now I’ll focus on healing and posting on here. If you’ve read this far, thank you! This disease is insane and will take you to dark places you never knew you could go. I’m just glad to have another chance to get better. Dont want to waste it.


#2

Don’t be so hard on yourself and just take this time to recover and focus on your health and start some deep thinking and try to figure out what is making you even want to drink? I’ve been doing this for the last couple of days and it’s been helping. I think this time will be different for you bc your lucky to be alive bc you could done more damage to yourself than just broke a bone. I would suggest just focus on your recovery and know that you can do this, we are all here supporting you every step of the way!!


#3

One has to love such a vivid gift from the universe. You are literally broken. Alcohol broke you. Does not get more clear than that.

I found it VERY helpful to keep a list of why I wanted to be sober, what I would gain and how I wanted to live my life. I read it a lot. I also had a list of how I did not want to be…being veey truthful with myself on how horrible drinking made me feel and the sad things I did and person I became. Maybe something like that would be useful for you. I keep it on my phone and reread it when I need to.

Do not worry about the future, who knows if it will come. Take today by the horns and sober the hell out of it. Do the work.

:heart:


#4

“Take today by the horns and sober the hell out of it.” I fucking love that! I think you have me my new mantra!!


#5

If you go to a meeting in your home town and run into someone there they most likely have a problem with alcohol or addiction. Things spoken at a meeting are supposed to stay there. I know the world is full of inperfwctions like my spelling lol. If you think u need a meeting go. It is better to go then to relapse. I wish you the best what ever you choose this is a good outlet in the meantime.