About me lots of TWs

So. I had to go back to the urgent care to get a different prescription because nobody had the one she wrote first. And I got it and headed home.

Where I was bombarded by overwhelmed everybody!
Little one is crying, partner is yelling at my son, son is having a meltdown because little one tore up his money. Little one is crying because he put her out of his room. Partner is yelling because “you never want to spend time with your sister!” And then my older daughter was asked to take a shower (because she went to the gym with me today (while I waited on my appointment) and she completely loses her mind and starts screaming about how it’s not fair…

Ahhhhh. …

Little one screamed for almost a half hour.

I had to talk to my son about how it wasn’t nice or right of her to do what she did and his feelings were valid because my partner spent all that time telling him that he was wrong…

My partner told him “if you don’t want her in there just say that” and i said don’t tell him that because if he actually did say that you’d start yelling at him and tell him you don’t care if he wants her in there. He doesn’t have a choice. So stop setting him up to get yelled at because you had a toxic childhood…

:sob::sob::sob:
I swear EVERY time i have a good day, it’s directly followed by an absolute disaster of a day!!

I’m so overwhelmed

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For clarity,…my older daughter hates showers/brushing teeth/hair

Because she has trauma from her earlier childhood before her father left the picture and she doesn’t want to keep up on her hygiene. But she is a teenager now and if she doesn’t, she is setting herself for illness or infections.

It isn’t her fault for feeling how she does. But it really was too much for one moment

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Omg girl!!! Im praying ur ok. I wonder whats going on with ur eye? It looks so irritated

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U have soooo much on ur plate! I wish there was a magic wand to just call everyone down and have them be happy. Us moms take on everybodies stuff including our own.
Deeeeep breathe. Sneak away to bathroom or some where, where u can catch ur breathe. U can get thru this!

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I got dust particles in it and it scratched my cornea :weary: and there were enough particles to irritate my eyelid…i guess… The doctor was nice. She said if i use the antibiotic eye drops it should prevent infection and my eye should heal up by next week. So fingers crossed

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I just want everyone to be happy and get along and not melt down. It seems like the impossible. But i hope one day it’ll happen. I’m sitting in the basement trying to get my own self together because today has been a lot… I just want to cry.

I hope you had a better day than I had. :heartpulse: And thank you for being such an amazing person who is always so kind to me. You mean more than you know…even though we’ve never met, I consider you a great friend. :heartpulse::heartpulse:

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damn, no you did not.

thank you for sharing part of your story. your writing style has strength, its really nice.

:slight_smile:

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Cry… it may cleanse your eye some and you can put more antibiotic in. Sorry everything so stressful. Hard to have that many and not have it be like it is sometimes… the holidays do not help. I am happy for you that you have all these children and hope that they all start acting a little nicer. You are doing wonderful job… you do so much. Take some you time whenever you can

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Thank you!! :heart: I appreciate you.

I’m really in my feelings tonight, and I almost forgot that line. Thank you for reminding me of how far I’ve come. :heartpulse:

Sometimes I want to just give up. Because life is stressful. But i have made it through worse than I’m going through now. And not giving up is the only way I’ve gotten to where I am. So i will continue to “not give up” and one day, life will be great :blush:

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I hadn’t thought of that. Maybe a good cry will help more than just my emotional state.

I did tear up when i was telling my son how much i love him and he said “yeah, well you’re the only one” that broke my heart.

I just want my kids to be happy and feel loved.:broken_heart:

I push myself so hard, but not for me. I do it for them. And i hope that when they look back on their childhood they know that they were /are loved

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do it at the same time. be in your feelings, and be the great person you are and struggle. its ok :heart:

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This is a huge task and probably just impossible to attain.
I couldn’t get up with your entire post. That’s huge stress only by reading it, well by my standards anyway.

I hope getting it all out here is helping you a bit. I might have missed it so I just ask curiously: why is your partner still your partner? I don’t mean to be mean it just sounds so :rage::boom::face_with_symbols_over_mouth:

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Also …. Super proud of you for each single day you have stayed quit! So proud of you! Again, have a happy Thanksgiving, free from your addiction.

image

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I will have thought of “better reasons” over time but because I will just as easily forget to respond if i don’t now…cuz I’m scatterbrained to a degree :sweat_smile: here’s why.

He is better to me than anyone I’ve ever been with:
He hasn’t tried to sell me
He hasn’t ever been attracted to my children
He doesn’t hit me

But also:
He is father to my youngest, and does love her very much
She (my youngest) is autistic, and doesn’t do well with change, and she spends a lot of time with him while I am at work
I don’t trust many people and have a hard time meeting people irl
He knows I am damaged and still chose me
I love my bonus kids, and don’t want them to disappear from my life
And if we break up, he will have nowhere to go, and I think he actually would hurt/kill himself.
He is sick, and I take care of his mental health as much as I can, because his illness deteriorates his physical health over time

I’m sure i will have better/more complete answers later, but this is what my 3ish hours of sleep brain has come up with.

Sending :heart: your way.
Thanks for listening to me vent/rant/complain

Also forgot to add the obvious :sweat_smile: (see what I mean scatterbrained)
I love him. Even though he drives me batty a fair amount of times…

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thank-you

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First time in a while I’ve been up for my day to roll over to a new one :blush:

I’ll try to sleep now :sleeping::sleeping:

Good night y’all :heart:

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I’m so proud of you for keeping your sobriety!
Congratulations! You’re doing so much to make your life better and to make all those lives better who depend on you. Pat yourself on the back for doing a good job. I’m super proud of you. I’m going to go post on the other thread.

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Well done staying sober through all the stress. You are showing this sober life just how tough you are. :muscle:t3::heart:

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Talking to my mother on a video call today.
We don’t keep in touch much.
Talking to her isn’t easy for me.

But she’s getting up in age, so i won’t be cruel and ignore her. She is all alone…

I think I’ll head to the gym in a while and work my emotions

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