Hello, everyone. I’m accessing the forums using the app. I’ve been using the app for six months or so, but only now registered for these discussion groups.
I’m at 2 months, 19 days. My drug is alcohol. I’ve been abusing alcohol since about 2008. Went to treatment in April 2010, October 2010, and May 2016. Those three times were 45-day stays at a place called “12 Oaks” in Pensacola, FL.
The treatment center was very AA-centered, steeped in AA teachings and traditions, and of course encouraged basically making a lifestyle of AA stuff upon leaving. There were lessons, psychological and scientific, about what alcoholism was and why I had it, and some coping mechanisms were covered, relapse prevention and similar issues, but it was mostly AA.
When I left, I tried AA off and on, and the meetings nearly always depressed me. It’s a program and philosophy that simply does not work for me. It works for many others-- I’m not downing the program in general. Just not for me.
Now I’ve made it the longest period EVER since 2008. The difference is naltrexone. It is meant to make one stop drinking once started, but also has the effect of just lowering the impulse. Lessening the power of cravings to make them easier to get past. And like AA, I’m sure it works for some and not others.
For a while the problem I had with the medicine was one of compliance. Why would I take it if I wanted to drink? Once I managed to make myself take it for more than two weeks, though, I admitted it was working and I liked the streak I was on. Then the streak just grew and grew and now here I am.
So for me it was really about what made me take it for two weeks straight. It was being sick of my life. Sick of letting my wife and son down over and over. Sick of how alcohol basically stalled my life’s progress, in EVERY area of life, since 2007. I had everything going for me and some serious potential, with many milestones close to completion, and it all went to shit. All the way up until, well, 2 months and 19 days ago, the only thing worth focusing on for me was alcohol. All other areas were back burner stuff. Barely touched.
Now I can feel myself beginning to move forward…finally. I’ve made some things happen. I’ve made calls, triggered important events, re-entered hobbies, academic interests, life goals, etc. And I don’t want to lose this feeling!
Which is why I’m here. Today, after what seems to me to be a REALLY long time sober (I know some people have years, but that’s a galaxy away for me), I’m thinking of buying alcohol. It scares me. Why would I jeopardize this? I know-- it’s because alcohol never makes sense. It just does its evil on me. And it’s trying to re-enter my life.