About to hit 90d

Your Story
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Hello, everyone. I’m accessing the forums using the app. I’ve been using the app for six months or so, but only now registered for these discussion groups.

I’m at 2 months, 19 days. My drug is alcohol. I’ve been abusing alcohol since about 2008. Went to treatment in April 2010, October 2010, and May 2016. Those three times were 45-day stays at a place called “12 Oaks” in Pensacola, FL.

The treatment center was very AA-centered, steeped in AA teachings and traditions, and of course encouraged basically making a lifestyle of AA stuff upon leaving. There were lessons, psychological and scientific, about what alcoholism was and why I had it, and some coping mechanisms were covered, relapse prevention and similar issues, but it was mostly AA.

When I left, I tried AA off and on, and the meetings nearly always depressed me. It’s a program and philosophy that simply does not work for me. It works for many others-- I’m not downing the program in general. Just not for me.

Now I’ve made it the longest period EVER since 2008. The difference is naltrexone. It is meant to make one stop drinking once started, but also has the effect of just lowering the impulse. Lessening the power of cravings to make them easier to get past. And like AA, I’m sure it works for some and not others.

For a while the problem I had with the medicine was one of compliance. Why would I take it if I wanted to drink? Once I managed to make myself take it for more than two weeks, though, I admitted it was working and I liked the streak I was on. Then the streak just grew and grew and now here I am.

So for me it was really about what made me take it for two weeks straight. It was being sick of my life. Sick of letting my wife and son down over and over. Sick of how alcohol basically stalled my life’s progress, in EVERY area of life, since 2007. I had everything going for me and some serious potential, with many milestones close to completion, and it all went to shit. All the way up until, well, 2 months and 19 days ago, the only thing worth focusing on for me was alcohol. All other areas were back burner stuff. Barely touched.

Now I can feel myself beginning to move forward…finally. I’ve made some things happen. I’ve made calls, triggered important events, re-entered hobbies, academic interests, life goals, etc. And I don’t want to lose this feeling!

Which is why I’m here. Today, after what seems to me to be a REALLY long time sober (I know some people have years, but that’s a galaxy away for me), I’m thinking of buying alcohol. It scares me. Why would I jeopardize this? I know-- it’s because alcohol never makes sense. It just does its evil on me. And it’s trying to re-enter my life.

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Don’t let it re-enter your life and don’t give it that power! It sounds like you’ve come so far, and just think how amazing it’s going to feel to say you have 90 days. Loved this, very inspirational. Glad you tried different things for your sobriety, that’s what it’s about. Very smart.

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Great story man! You’re doing great! And yeah, that sick son of a bitch of a disease will whisper lies of greatness in you ear. Don’t listen!! Listen to the whispers of your wife and your son and your heart.

I’m not that far ahead of you at all. My buddy tells me something all the time. “Don’t fuck it up asshole”. Ha. It helps me in a lot of aspects of my life😏

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You said that the medication lowers the impulse but you still have the urge. I get that. I’ve tried the medication route. I would ask you if when trying the AA way did you work all 12 of the steps whole heartedly with a sponsor that has also been through the work? I only ask this because in my experience I spent many years looking at the differences of people in AA and always felt I couldn’t relate with my situation. it wasn’t until I was brought down to my knees that I was willing to get help and realized my problem isn’t the drugs or alcohol but rather what I do when my addiction is untreated. The obsessions of my mind, the lack of power, the unmanageability in my life and the spiritual malady that I suffer from. When I was willing to accept spiritual help I was able to see the similarities in The Fellowship of AA and working with a sponsor doing the steps I am developing a contact with God. A God that is of my own conception and understanding that I can relate to and has the power to keep me grounded in sobriety. So, if you haven’t tried working the steps and seeing the unmanageability and lack of power that might possibly linger in your life as it does in mine I would highly suggest giving AA another shot. I wish you all the best and stay strong as you have come this far.

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Thanks for your responses, all of you. I made this response to Gordo because a question was asked. I can’t honestly say I tried AA because I did not do the steps. You have a point there.

Anyway, my main reason for coming back to these forums is to give an update. I did make it to 90 days.

93, to be exact. And now I’m back to day 1. I feel terrible about it, but I have to shake it off and remind myself I made it longer than ever and that I can do it again. I just have to be careful of the “aftershocks” (as I call them) that sometimes follow my relapses.

Thanks again for the support. This app has made me feel less alone.

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Hey bro hope all is ok. If I can help you in anyway please let me know.