Addict Couple

Sooo, I’m in a relationship and we both like to use. He decided to go to rehab…knowing that when got out…he would have a boat load of support. As for me…If I went…I would literally come back homeless. I’m actually kind of bitter about this because I busted my butt to keep our home while he was away. He got out And does not want to stay here.

Please correct me someone but, I feel like crap about this. He still wants us to work things out but, I am not awarded the chance to opt out of life like that. And now I have to be super sweet and nice to show my support. But before he went in to seek help…we would get in arguments and the next day he would talk trash about me to family and friends. But now I have to zen like…WTF!!!

I really feel that I might as well keep using

Do you attend AlAnon meetings?

No I don’t

  1. I think you are missing the most important thing. You need to get and maintain Sobriety. Your feelings toward him, your plans with him, none of those things matter bc if you don’t get Sober, you’ll lose it all.
  2. Your Sobriety is yours. You are responsible for it. To say I might as well use bc of what he is doing is trying to place the blame for your continued addiction on someone else. Your Sobriety is yours, your addiction is yours as well.
  3. Your success or your failure are yours. I dislike what my ex wife does at times, but I am responsible for the way I raise my daughter when I have her. I can’t say, “Well, my ex wife said this” or “My ex wife did that”.

I know I am talking tough, but we, as a group and as individuals, need Tough Love. We are in a tough place and Nice won’t fix it.

Best,
Chandler

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Well, I’d like to start out by saying…my apologies for such a late response on my behalf.

So back to what you were saying…I do agree 100%…that our life and whatnot is ours to maintain.

However, during the pre-hab era…what if the person and ruined big opportunities such as school, new jobs…and they are ruined permanently…And now that they are in recovery…im supposed to let bygones be bygones. And moves forward as they abandon life and all responsibilities and leave you to struggle…

I mentioned that I can barely afford to live in the apartment alone…and the only thing he could say is…WHAT ABOUT THE CAT…

There was not a single concern for my well being. I think it’s a cop-out.

My ex did that. He got clean and sober and left me high and dry. He thought he knew everything, found a new gf he brought her to treatment to get herself cleaned up, it was his project trying to save her, meanwhile left me and showed no concern at all. That did not work. One, in early stages of sobriety he should of focoused on himself, two he left me and our kids after 10 years of sticking by his side. He was getting better and I was started on my downfall. They broke up, because he didn’t stay humble. He was a know it all. He relapased broke probation and went to prison. He is still a know it all to this day… for you tho, hope this msg isn’t too late. I say, focus on you. If you want sobriety it has to come from you. Don’t get hung up on how u need to be zen now to fit into his box. I tried that, but I needed to hit my own bottom and rebuild up without him or anyone. Hope that helps. If you cant afford the apartment get into treatment, and there is help out there to rebuild.

Thank you!!! I like the way you put all of that. I will take heed of your words. It is all possible…I just need to regain that inner strength…and not let anyone or anything stop me this time. Tomorrow brings endless possibilities…

All I ever wanted was for us to be happy again.
The thing about this that is so tough is that I love him so much.

I may be crying my eyes out tonight…And I may cry the next…but as long as I have myself and great supportive people like you. I know everything will be alright.

Thank you again

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